do you struggle with letting go of regret?

Post Reply New Topic

I often find my self having a hard time letting go of regret and forgiving my self when I make mistakes. For example when I was single and went on a date and felt like i messed it up, or when i would go on an interview for that dream job and messed it up, or make any other kinds of mistakes that cause something that would benefit my life to not happen, i get really upset and almost never forgive myself for making the error. I often find myself replaying the act of error in my head and what could have happened if it didn't happen in my head over and over again to the point where I make my self misrible. I'm aware that it's not a healthy way to look at mistakes but i find it hard to not think about it that way sometimes. Do you do that too? Do you think that's part of an AS trait? what are some ways to help let go of regret?

I do this all the time. Sometimes I replay conversations from over twenty years ago in my head that I think I messed up. I don't want to, I just can't help it. I see it as part of the double edged sword of my memory. On the one hand, knowing plenty of details and being able to recall them when needed some of the times is great, but constantly replaying minor social mistakes is not. Sadly, I can't control the fact that my mind does both.

Last edited by outofplace on 22 Aug 2012, 3:10 am, edited 1 time in total.

I do that VERY much. Having AS with the bi-polar makes it worse because when the memory loop starts the mania starts then shortness of breath, sweating, pacing, for about 3 hours usually.

I sit for hours most night re-living horrible moments in my life from 1-15 years ago. I've done so much wrong I don't know if I can ever forgive myself.

Yes, I regret so many things that probably would have given more meaning to my life, there's a whole list that I think about every once in a while and it just makes me feel like such a failure.

I ruminate on events that don't turn out as expected but I don't think of it as regret. More trying to make sense of it and learn stuff to help me next time round. What's done is done you can't go back In time. I always think that I do the best I can with the resources I had at the time.

I pretty much never regret anything, even if things turn out bad. I know that I will pretty much always go with the logical choice, so therefore I have nothing to regret.

Totally, I can't live with myself. I made a choice recently which I think I will regret for the rest of my life. I'm not going to speak about it on here. It's not a secret IRL and everyone is being supportive (in case you're wondering, no it wasn't a termination or divorce or anything like that). I've been crying for 2 days and my heart is broken. Yesterday, I was wailing like the way I was when I was in severe pain with gallstones or sciatica. I've never felt emotional pain like it, not even when I've been grieving for someone. The thing is, I'm very logical too and know my decision was for the best. If I wasn't logical, I would not have made the decision I made. But, I can't overcome my emotions. Having a very strong visual memory is not helping me in the slightest.

I have a horrible time with regrets.
When ever I do something especially stupid, lose my temper in an argument, or can't properly express myself.
Worse when I do something to lose a friend that I actually liked, I regret that for years.

My mind runs the conversations, and the relationships and the actions over and over when I try and sleep or get bored.
It gets so bad sometimes I just want to punch myself or bang my head against a wall...I don't because well it wouldn't help and then I'd just be in quite a bit of pain on top of it,
So I just lay there trying to sleep while my brain berates me for everything I do wrong.

My brain is a judgmental bastard.

I'm full of regret for many different types of things that I have done throughout my life.

I often shudder, literally, when I recall most of them.

That can come across as weird if it happens while I'm around people.

I also shout "Aaaargh", too. This is a fairly recent occurrence, but I can't seem to control it lately.

The worst thing is when friends, family, and spouse won't let things go. You can only say "I'm making a conscious effort here!" so many times before it comes off like another broken promise, which I've also had to muster up the guts to stop making...

I do this, I've my life worrying about things I've done in the past. Thankfully, I've been able to stop doing this so much now.

I certainly do this. I regret and feel ashamed of many things I did, even some small ones that don't matter at all, and everyone but me probably already forgot about them.

I do this too . . . I look for things I could have done differently and what implications this would have had. Then I replay multiple scenarios out in my head, like I can will things to have been different. I find it hard to just accept that I may have screwed up and get on with it.

We all tend to choose what we feel like doing, because it will make us feel good now or we anticipate how we might feel later. Not to speak for anyone else that is....that how I make MY choices. Sometimes try to logically anticipate the outcome. And the tools we have to use are our human minds which are fallible. What can we really regret given the circumstances? And other factors, such as environment and circumstances influence our choices. We may misjudge or be impulsive at times....it is only human.

So logically there is no reason for regret. However, I struggle with it all the time in spite of being fully aware of how human it is to make a mistake.

Yes. Doesn't help either that I'm never forgetting with my good long term memory.

Yes. I have a hard time forgiving my feelings of regret. To further it I have an intense photographic (filmographic) memory and I often recall OLD memories and regrets and then rehash things that have been a non-issue for years. For example about 2 hours ago I started thinking about one time when I was 16 and I touched my girlfriends chest during a make-out session and she got mad and slapped my hand away. Intense remorse/regret and embarrassment set in relating to an event that occurred 12 years ago.