Serious thoughts on weither I am diagnosable, a semi-rant

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For years I have wondered if I have AS, and over those years different people have told me different things, some have said for sure I have it. Others have said for sure I don't. I have never been officially tested.

Now for sure I believe I have special interests. I have been so absorbed into a topic or video game that I can't stop thinking about it and it dominates my life. As a child, everything was birds and if it wasn't bird related or nature related I tried to make it related. My Sonic the Hedgehog obsession lasted for several years.

And social skills, as a child they were so bad that they put me through training. nuff said.

But as an adult, I think two things prevent me from people thinking I have it sometimes and give me doubts myself. First of all, I can have a nice pleasant conversation with a person. But what they don't know is that I used to not be able to do that, and when you put me in a group conversation, everything falls apart, I can't get the timing right and I end up interrupting or not talking when I should.

The second thing is I pick up on non-verbal cues pretty well. I recognize emotional states and know what body language means. But there is evidence I don't do this as well as other people. First of all my aunt has done this to me a couple of times. She has said "your husband is having a bad day" well, I had no clue and it turned out his feet hurt and he wasn't doing well. The second time my aunt out and out asked me "can you tell when your husband is having a bad day?" I said I probably couldn't.

Another complication is comorbid conditions. I am bipolar, and they told me it wasn't clear if I had ADHD or not. As a child, I was actually diagnosed with ADHD and had several problems because of it. Anyway, maybe I just hyperfocus on things I like?

Another concern, I put out readable body language myself. My husband, a clear NT, knows instantly if I even think of something bad or sad and asks me about it. That man reads me better than anyone has ever done before.

All and all, I am still confused, but I think I am thinking about it better and might be able to voice my concerns better if I want to get tested or not.

Opinions on what I just said?

It's hard to say, actually. It sounds like you are like many of us who are sitting in self-diagnosed purgatory. It's not severe enough that you were diagnosed on the autistic spectrum as a child, yet the diagnoses you received do not fully explain the extent of your issues. I tend to think that the ability to read social cues can be learned over time and so you may now be able to read some of it more intuitively than someone with a more severe disability. Thus, it may well be that the inability to read these cues is just reduced in an aspie and not absent completely. Also, you may put out signals as well under extreme emotional situations, but at a reduced amount as compared to a neurotypical. Then again, I am NOT a professional, just someone asking the same questions as you are. Thus, I may be completely wrong in this theory.

I think whatever age you are, if you suspect you are ASD/AS it is well worth pursuing a diagnosis. Do not let anyone tell you otherwise.

Even if you think you may be imagining it, do not put yourself off. I went to my diagnostic session with an air of skepticism; in the end i got an HF-ASD diagnosis.

The sense of relief that comes with knowing defeats words.