How well do you deal with changes to your routine?

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fragileclover
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27 May 2009, 9:35 pm

I'd say of all my aspie traits, having trouble dealing with breaking of routine or change of plans is the most prominent. I don't have a meltdown or shutdown, but can get very upset and confused, and have trouble processing what my next step will be.

For instance, I received a text message yesterday from a co-worker who was asking if I could work for her. I immediately felt defensive, and kind of, well, angry. Obviously, I could just say no, but my plans for the day weren't huge (finishing up a photo book for my niece, which I needed to have finished for today). None-the-less, I had some kind of plans, and couldn't bring myself to help her. However, I felt terrible, like I was being selfish/lazy. This happens a lot...if someone asks me at least a day ahead of time, I will usually be fine with going in to work, but if it is the same day, even if my plans are just to sit around watching TV, I can't bring myself to help my co-worker.

As I learn more about asperger's, I'm finding that I am more at ease and accepting of some of my quirks. I've always gotten so mad at myself for my sometimes 'lazy/selfish' behavior, but now I'm understanding the root of said behavior. That said, my boyfriend said yesterday that I looked absolutely pained as I was trying to decide what to write back to my co-worker; distraught, almost.



Tim_Tex
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27 May 2009, 9:38 pm

It depends on what the changes are.



Zerostanzi
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27 May 2009, 9:57 pm

It depends on what they are. If they're small changes to my routine, I get a little nervous and unsure. If they're big changes to my routine, I get anxious, scared, and a little bit upset.



27 May 2009, 9:59 pm

I used to get all into panic and rage and anxiety and stress but I got better with dealing with changes to my routines.

I just get annoyed but I deal with it and I don't throw a fit or an attitude when I have to stop my work to do something else because my boss said so because she needed some of us to help her out with something or I have to give the guests something or have to come down to the office. I just do it. It was very hard to overcome that part of my aspieness. My boss could have fired me in Montana for my episodes but she didn't. It took a lot of talk to myself like instead of getting upset when I;m told to do soemthing that isn;t my job, take it as learning a new thing for my future and I'd have a easier time finding a new job because I had that part of job experiance and the fact I am earning more money. Also if I get lot of days off in a row, instead of getting so upset when I get called into work because I wasn't expecting it, take it as I get to earn money and I do want to be independent and not live on SSI.

I still struggle a little with this :oops: because I only learned how to be flexible for my job because that was the only way I would move forward in life and be able to keep a job. When it comes to my bf, I get upset and I feel lazy and selfish and I tell myself "damn it damn it I need to try harder, no excuse." Now he leaves everything up to me because he didn't like getting me all upset so it's like he won't even let me get better if he keeps making things easier for me. :(
Oh yeah when we were getting the laptop fixed, we only had one computer so I'd wake up and find other things to do, just watch TV and I tel my bf he doesn't need to get off the computer. Even when he ask if I want it, I tell him no because he has it but he still get off and let me have it. he said he could tell I'm upset because I don't have the computer. It's just me trying to be flexible and telling myself no computer isn't going to kill me and the internet will still be there and my stories and I don't need to do them now. It's like he won't even let me get better. I guess he isn't the kind of person who tortures us like my family did to me and I am so used to that because I was taught "AS is no excuse, get better and work on your bad traits, no excuse." but I guess I'm guilty because I am letting him do that to me. No one likes the challenge, even NTs don't like the challenge to work on their faults. They have to have enough willpower to fight it to break through their faults just like us when we need to break our bad traits.

I also used to tell my feelings to shut up when I get into stress and panic at my last job and feeling anxiety because my boss was changing my work pattern or telling me to do something unexpectedly. I even ignored my feelings too and now they are like gone now when the same situation happens at work. It's as if they went away because I kept ignoring them and telling them to shut up.



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27 May 2009, 10:39 pm

Not really.

Sometimes I don't even know if I have to work or not. I've just gotten accustomed to it.


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27 May 2009, 10:47 pm

I used to feel uncomfortable if my routine was disrupted, but now I'm kind of forcing myself not to do things the same way everyday. My mum has noticed it too. I would still do similar things everyday but I wouldn't be so strict on myself. I used to have timed meals, now I don't really do that. And if someone wanted to go out for lunch while I was reading I'd probably not get as anxious as I once did.


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tomamil
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27 May 2009, 11:10 pm

when i agree on going to movies with a friend and she/he cancels i feel uneasy. i was programmed on going to a cinema and then suddenly i had to come up with something else to do and that's confusing. i don't understand how people organize their lives, because once i agree on doing something it's not so easy for something else to come up that would make me change the plans.
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but every couple of years i move to a different country and that's really huge change, i have to find a new accommodation, open new bank account at a bank where they don't understand english, in another words things must settle down before i can come up with completely new routine and even so i can handle this pretty well..


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27 May 2009, 11:13 pm

Quote:
How well do you deal with changes to your routine?


Not terribly well. Even small changes have a good part of my brain convinced that I've been put into a whole different universe. This is very disturbing. It happens even when the changes are beneficial to me. I've managed to learn to (most of the time) be able to not show how much it bothers me. I can calm myself down by pointing out to myself that small changes probably won't kill me.


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poopylungstuffing
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28 May 2009, 1:06 am

It all depends.
Sometimes it can mess with me so much I get sick..other times I don't even notice.



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28 May 2009, 1:43 am

I can deal with most changes, but I have to be forewarned about 30 hours in advance so I can adjust stuff and go to sleep at the right time. I hate people telling me I have to do something on the spur of the moment and then just expecting me to go along with it. It is always worse as a kid when you are pretty much at the mercy of your parents. My parents would just schedule all kinds of activities and social stuff all over the place and I would have no warning that I was about to go do something. Fortuantely, as an adult, I have control over dictating my schedule, so "surprises" rarely come up.



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28 May 2009, 1:58 am

Sudden changes to plans, I get very ticked off at. Anger is my usual response. And sometimes outright refusal to go along with the changes. If I'm all ready to do something, and someone pulls an "Oh, and by the way", I often will tell them no, or even refuse to do the whole thing.


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tweety_fan
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28 May 2009, 2:17 am

i deal with changes to routines a lot better then I used to.

but it does annoy me when people muck up my plans for dumb reasons (you know those times, when they wait until the very last second to ask you to do something)



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28 May 2009, 4:43 am

most days are the same for me. I do not cope well with arbitrary or unplanned alterations to my routines - usually foisted upon me by the external world and its rather strange population of humans.
I have a weekly routine and i like it that way.
travel and holidays away from home are not very enjoyable - unless it is in the bush or wilderness away from other humans and close to flora and fauna.



MONKEY
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28 May 2009, 5:40 am

It depends on what they are and what my mood is. I usually feel pissed off but I do deal with change pretty well and just get on with it.


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Homer_Bob
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28 May 2009, 11:27 am

I'm always anxious but after a week of the new routine, I'll get use to it unless I really hate it which isn't that often.



CelticGoddess
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28 May 2009, 12:00 pm

It depends on what the change is and how much notice I've been given. Last minute changes stress me out. Sometimes though if I've been given a lot of warning, the week before the change is hell. So I guess I just never know how I'm going to react to it. Panic is usually the first sign that I'm not going to take it well.