Mild Asperger's Traits in an Adult

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Hello Everyone,
I am NT, though I do suffer from AD/HD, Depression/Anxiety and learning disabilities. I guess that is where my interest in Asperger's has come in. I minored in psychology and work as an Employment Counsellor, so I have a lot of interest in personality as well.

I know that not all people with Asperger's are the same, that some may have certain traits that others do not, and like any "syndrom" (I don't like to use words like syndrom, disability disorder etc...because I don't feel things are a negative, I see them as just different from the average population) there are different degrees of severity.

I am wondering what an adult who has mild Asperger's who has learned a lot of coping skills present like? I am dating someone who has certain traits that seem like Apsperger's to me...I am of course not looking for a diagnosis here of the person, but wonder if some of his traits could suggest Asperger's.

1. I find he has a good sense of humour-however I have noticed on a number of occasions where he didn't get my jokes-he took what I said literally. For example, let's say we are putting away laundry and I notice he had a lot of pairs of black socks-I might make a joke and say "you have like 100 pairs of black socks" and may reply "there aren't 100 pairs of black socks, there are 10" and I might laugh and say "I am just joking" and he may laugh, but he'd probably reply with something like "you think I have too many pairs of black socks? What's wrong with having a lot of black socks?" and I would reply with "there's nothing wrong, I was just joking becuse there are so many here...chill out". (sorry if that's a stupid example). Also I have found sometimes I have said something, like maybe we are looking at peice of art in the store and I say "my mom would like that" and he would assume I want to buy it for her.

2. He has trouble reading my emotions (I try to say how I feel, I am not one of those women who expect a guy to read their mind). He also may act in a way which makes me think he's really irritated at me but he can't see that he's acted that way.

3. In public I see that he's very socially akward. He is fine around people he knows, but when ordering food, or talking to sales people he mumbles and talks lower and his posture etc change. He has an odd gait when he walks sometimes too. I sometimes feel the need to speak for him. He actually can come across slow, but he's a smart guy.

4. He's been a loner for a while. He has lost touch with a lot of friends and family. He doesn't really have any close friends. He has been in long term relationships before.

5. He repeats himself sometimes. I find more when he's tired. He may tell me something about 5 or 10 times in the same evening that has made me concerned something is wrong with his memory. For example, one time he told me about 5 times how his neighbour came to his door that day to ask for something. I finally would interrupt him and say "I know you already told me that". It just seemed so weird...

6. When it comes to discussing love etc...he seems to mimic me. I may text I (Heart picture) U and he would do the same...or the next time I might just put (heart picture)u and he would do the same. But he's never said "I love you" to me. I think he feels deeply for me, we've talked about the future and being together and he includes me in it. We're in our 30s so we do talk about living together and having chidren.

7. He's a talented musican, but some of the music he's made is wierd and kind of out there....

Things he does do that make me wonder if he's learned to cope or if maybe he has something other than Aspergers are things like eye contact. He is okay with eye contact with me. He doesn't seem overly concerned with schedules...but I haven't seen him at work and what he's like there. I know he's been to counselling in the past but I don't know what for. I thought maybe he's coping mechanisms the way I have learned with my AD/HD traits.

Thank you for any insight you can give me.

Well, I do in fact have a mild case of Aspergers and your description of him resembles me quite a bit. But I doubt any one of us here are 100% able to diagnose with any accuracy.

I can't diagnose but I can comment based on my own experience.

1. I've developed a decent sense of humor but have a very hard time with sarcasm as I tend to speak concretely and take in things concretely. If the joke is not obvious I often miss it.

2. Aspie's can't read emotions very well. That's part of the package - I often am unable to tell what others are feeling unless they say so. Also, what I project is often not what I'm feeling. I wish I had a dollar for every time my wife asked me if I'm angry and I'm surprised and respond (quite truthfully) that I'm just thinking.

3. Yes - in public I can be quite awkward too. Especially in loud, noisy, busy places. I'm much better with people one-on-one in quiet situations and with people I know.

4. While I have been in long term relationships I have few close friends. Close friendships can be a challenge for a normal grown male adult and especially so for one with Asperger's.

5. I'm forever repeating myself. I work hard not too but it happens. People who know me know I do and understand most of the time.

6. The whole courtship thing is tough given that the rules are so strange. It is the only thing where the same input is guaranteed to result in a DIFFERENT output. Confusing at best. My wife is patient and understanding with this one, and gives me lots of great feedback: "I really like it when..., I really like the red rose you bought me - I like them better than pink carnations, Don't be upset but I don't like it when..., etc."

7. Many Aspie's are talented and innovative musicians. many believe Mozart was an aspie.

8. Eye contact - took work but I'm fairly good at it, provided flirting isn't involved. Will never ever get flirting - thank god I'm married to a lovely wife.

Hope this helps - don't be afraid to talk about these things with your guy. He might really appreciate someone who's trying to meet him on his level.

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