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Moondust
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26 Aug 2012, 2:37 pm

I have a big problem summarizing a long answer when I'm asked a question. I wonder if this is AS?

Eg: I've been using the services of a certain vet but there were a few things I didn't like, so now I'm trying other vets as well, not always automatically going to him. The person who recommended him to me asked me why I'm going today to another vet, what things I didn't like about this vet. I don't know how to answer this in one sentence (and people hate answers longer than that, she didn't ask me for the full story).


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Last edited by Moondust on 26 Aug 2012, 5:58 pm, edited 1 time in total.

pastafarian
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26 Aug 2012, 2:46 pm

Moondust wrote:

Eg: I've been using the services of a certain vet but there were a few things I didn't like, so now I'm trying other vets as well, not always automatically going to him. The person who recommended him to me asked me why I'm going today to another vet, what things I didn't like about this vet. I don't know how to answer this in one sentence (and people hate answers longer than that, she didn't ask me for the full story).


Practice. Try and tell us in 3 sentences what you didn't like about the first vet. Three bullet points.



Moondust
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26 Aug 2012, 3:40 pm

In writing I have time to think, so I can find a summarizing sentence. But in spoken dialogue, it's a real problem. How do people do it?

I can summarize it in writing in 1 sentence ("His prices are overall good, but it's all very stressful with him) but if asked in conversation, I'd go something like this:

"He gives great prices for strays, but he charges a lot for night appts. for house cats, and when I asked for a discount because during the day I'm working in another city so I can only come at night, he answered "Well, I need to get back to my work, just take that price into account if you come tonight." Besides, finding a moderately-priced parking lot in his area and with available spots is a nightmare. And then I have to walk several blocks carrying the cat in the carrier up to the clinic, or they'll do me a favor and if I call from the car they'll come out and take the cat (if their hands aren't tied at that moment), but then the cat has to be without me for like 20 minutes till I find parking and walk back to the clinic. Besides, he once told me to cage my 3 cats for a house call, he said "I'll be there in 10 minutes max" and he never told me he then changed his mind and wasn't coming, the cats suffered in vain, caged for 50 minutes waiting for him. On the other hand, he does give me very good prices for my cats, because they're rescues and he takes that very much into consideration. So for costly treatments, he's the one to go to. But for just a night appt. to see why my cat is scratching so much, there's another place that charges the same 24/7 and is open 24/7 with plenty of free parking space outside, and they're off the city center, which is a lot less stressful when driving. I also have the option of a vet I don't need to drive to, it's very near my house, but his prices are high, so I'll only use his services in occasions when, for some reason, I can't use the car or something else prevents me from going to the other two options.


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KnarlyDUDE09
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26 Aug 2012, 5:28 pm

I think it can be identified as a trait; this would be an example of 'pedantic speech'.


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MirrorWars
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26 Aug 2012, 6:38 pm

I can't explain anything without going into detail & droning on.



ghoti
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26 Aug 2012, 8:23 pm

I have the opposite trait. I only come up with short replies and can't give long responses.



daydreamer84
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26 Aug 2012, 10:12 pm

I think it has to do with over-fixation on details/ not seeing the whole picture and also theory of mind problems because you don't know what details the other person needs/wants to hear and what is extraneous and they don't care about. I have this problem...in fact it was pointed out to me today. I was trying to describe what my book was about and my mom cut me off saying it was too much information.



Last edited by daydreamer84 on 27 Aug 2012, 1:04 am, edited 1 time in total.

analyser23
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26 Aug 2012, 10:14 pm

I have this problem both in writing and in speech.

I feel like it comes from the fact that I think very logically. It is like I have to explain all the details that put together the logical conclusion I have come to. I feel motivated to do this due to past experience of people not understanding my conclusions - often. Until that is, I give them ALL the information leading to my conclusion to which they go "ooohh now I get it".



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26 Aug 2012, 11:14 pm

Yes, I also think this is related to attention to details and an valuing the truth highly. When you summarise something you omit the details (by definition). The more details you omit the higher the chances of being misinterpreted. That matters to me - I don't want to be misinterpreted. It was a revelation to me that most NTs are not bothered by this in the slightest.

I've had managers comment on this at work early on ("gives too much technical detail when talking to a manager rather than focusing on the bigger picture and the implications"), so I practised and got better. The more you do it in writing the quicker you'll be able to do it and hopefully you can eventually do it when speaking, too. Even if you have to pause for 5 seconds when asked a seemingly simple question, then give a 5 second answer that's still better than answering immediately, but taking 30 seconds to give details the listener is not interested in.



Mirror21
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27 Aug 2012, 1:01 am

Moondust wrote:
I have a big problem summarizing a long answer when I'm asked a question. I wonder if this is AS?

Eg: I've been using the services of a certain vet but there were a few things I didn't like, so now I'm trying other vets as well, not always automatically going to him. The person who recommended him to me asked me why I'm going today to another vet, what things I didn't like about this vet. I don't know how to answer this in one sentence (and people hate answers longer than that, she didn't ask me for the full story).


Me too!. That is half the pain of my convo skills. I usually end up being cut off by "it was a yes or no question".

Example: "Did you check for sugar?"
Me: When I made the tea I was also thinking about when I would have a chance to do the dishes then remembered I had to water the plant and I was half-way doing that when you called to ask, so I forgot about it.
Expected answer: "not yet".

How do people DO that? >,<



JitakuKeibiinB
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27 Aug 2012, 2:58 am

I can never summarize things in an appropriate length. It's always either too short, and they think I'm being "curt", or I endlessly monologue about every little detail, forget about the other person, and then realize they fled half way through when I'm done talking.



Moondust
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27 Aug 2012, 3:01 am

I've observed that people have a lot of sentences they use that don't answer the question but are short. What astonishes me is that people are satisfied with those non-answers as if they'd received an answer to their question. They seem to be able to deduct from the non-answer the info they were asking for. I guess the answer is in the body language, tone, etc... In the example of the sugar above, I guess the tone the answer is given conveys why they haven't bought the sugar yet. Maybe a shrug, hand palms upwards, whatever, would convey that one hasn't had the time yet...

Once at a job I was asked a very complex question. I didn't have all the elements to answer it. I was so fed up with these people and burnt out in that job that I just answered: "Everything will be all right!" For years to come I was reminded that I had had the correct attitude only once - in that occasion! 8O


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27 Aug 2012, 3:38 am

Here is something I don't understand, I have an aspie friend online who is unable to give me direct answers because he was taught to tell details. Now it's became a habit for him to do it. Another friend I have online, he thinks he was aspie but then grew out of it, and he also gives out detailed answers and he told me that is what people want and if you give them short answers, they think you don't like them.

I give out short answers. If people want more detail, ask questions. That is what I do.

But then on here it's the opposite, it's no longer an NT thing to do this.


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KnarlyDUDE09
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27 Aug 2012, 4:40 am

analyser23 wrote:
I have this problem both in writing and in speech.
I do, too.


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Pondering
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27 Aug 2012, 5:37 am

I have the same thing going on not only when answering question, but in general. It can be a problem, because reading so much text for a person can be overwhleming, annoying, or boring especially for some AS people I have noticed. I also have the same problem in speech sometimes, I get frustrated, because I have to summarize what I am saying, and it ends up not being enough, so everything I wanted to say doesn't actually get said.


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MjrMajorMajor
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27 Aug 2012, 7:25 am

This is why I adore text. I can take a meandering long winded answer, and whittle it down to something more concise.