Alcoholics Anonymous - fitting in?

Post Reply New Topic

Hi,
Anyone have any advice on fitting in at AA? I joined 6 months ago but I'm still struggling to come up with good shares and making friends. any aspies with experience on like 'instructions' on what to do pls write!

But it is a great community, I'm on first name basis with everyone and it has been a great experience! if you drink too much when you really don't want on a frequent basis, you are alcoholic, so pls give it a try, people are extremely friendly to newcomers. The "god concept" is no big deal, you can interpret that anyway you want to. I take it as just doing what AA recommends to help others instead of listening to my selfish desires when I'm in doubt. I feel like staying home and playing video games -> go to meeting or contact other members. stuff like that.

I participate in a program that uses Bible verses to 'verify and clarify' each of the 12 steps. Anyhow, the share portion uses a 'focus question' from the preceding lesson or the speaker's 'lead' that helps me in particular stay grounded.

When I was new to that meeting one of the leaders suggested writing out a few bullet points on what I wanted to share on, I found that to be incredibly helpful

This particular program offers a step study, going through a series of small workbooks. From attending a few of these I got to know other guys (it's gender specific) much more deeply than trying to hang out and do the small talk BS at the regular weekly meetings.

I don't like AA for a lot of reasons but one of the main ones is that I don't think it's wise to tell people who drink because they are in severe emotional pain and have low self esteem that they have a "character defect". I also don't like their "one twue way" concept of telling anyone who quits drinking without joining their cult that "you aren't sober, you are just a dry drunk".

Id say to fit in, do like you would do to fit in any cult. Talk about nothing except the greatness of the program, Bill W, and how you were nothing but a low life worm on your way to a slow death in the gutter before you were saved and transformed by the big book. You should also shun everyone you know who drinks socially or even has the sip of wine at Mass and tell them they are alcoholics and need to go to AA. Talk about how terrible addiction is, but conveniently ignore the huge amount of caffiene consumed at meetings and the thick blue haze of smoke that hangs over everyone at meetings. Those addictions don't count. Bill didn't mind them.

its just replacing one addiction for another. AA also has close a 90% relapse rate.

Well, that's certainly not AA's fault! It's because they weren't "working the program" and because they weren't "truly sober" and were only a "dry drunk". </sarcasm>

AA wasn't for me. I couldn't take the handholding and sharing personal info/feelings. Went two times and quit AA. Haven't had a drink in almost 20 years and never really craved it after my 2 AA meetings. I don't knock AA, it does help some people quit. If it 10% I see that as 10% better than nearly 0% people achieve on their own. I did seem cult like to me immediatly and that was one of the things that turned me off but as long as they're not mixing koolaid and cyanide I don't see it as harmful if people feel it is improving their lives. Not for me but I don't speak for anyone else.

I agree that aa is a cult...you are either in or out..and we are 'bodily' different from our fellows...this feels a bit extreme, as drinking, the same as everything else, is on a spectrum. So it is brainwashing...but I'm desperate enough to try anything haha. Other people can stop, but I couldn't stop by myself after years of trying, and aa is working for me. I do see in living color every week the 65% or so relapse rate for the new people, it is quite sad watching the self-destruction, failed relationships and joblessness...wish there were other options for people to try.

Sharing personal feelings is really uncomfortable for me and many others I think. We all have a tendency to retreat to our cave and isolate that is for sure.

I'd estimate the group is about 90% adhd types and 10% aspie types hanging around the fringes. I wish there were enough people to form an aspie group, and then we could sign people up and have more structure to the whole thing instead of hanging around drinking coffee talking about bs, at which I'm always a 1/2 beat of of synch with the conversation.

Thanks 2wheels4ever, my sponsor said everyone shares spontaneously, good to hear you had better luck by organizing a few notes, I'm going to try that. I'm coming from a scientific non-religious background...but I can see there many positive spiritual messages in the bible if I view god as something akin to our connection to the world and each other.

Telling newcomers with low self-esteem about their character defects... a lot of women have complained about that... I think there might be a difference in perspective here and I really wish aa could rewrite a modern version of the big book to be less male focused instead of treating it like a sacred text!

If alcoholism is a physical problem and not a lack of self control then how is telling the alcoholic that they drink too much because of a character defect any different than telling a person with AS that they can't socialize, work, stand certain situations, because of a character defect?

Also, the make amemds step seems punitive. Unless you have done something horrible, or feel the need to apologize for your actions, how is dredging up the past and confessing to things years past that is likely to add more stress to your life, going to keep you from drinking?

I'd assume that empowering people would go much farther to help them stay sober than would tearing them down.

As for the phrase I've heard before that alcohol is a crutch, well sometimes it can be. What is a crutch and whats it for? A crutch is an artificial means to help you walk while you have a weak or broken limb that is healing. Unless you have a problem where you will always need crutches, then a crutch is temporary and is not a problem to use.

AA's complete and total shunning of any meds or drugs with psychoactive effects just floors me. I once heard the most asinine story ever from someone in AA. They were talking about a guy who was terminally ill with cancer. He refused pain meds to the end because he wanted to stay sober. Now, that's his choice and if he hated the way the meds made him feel, he should have refused them. However the AA guy made him sound like some kind of hero who did what everyone should do and shun the meds and die in horrible pain to uphold someone else's idea of "sobriety". I wanna see that guy get a root canal with nothing.

I would encourage you to keep attending AA! There is no "timeline" you have to follow before you think you are "fitting in". It's something you do at your own pace.

I find it unfortunate that the other folks posting on here are adamant about characterizing AA as a cult; it is not, in my experience.

I hope you think for yourself and draw your own conclusions about the effectiveness of AA by your own experience and timeline, and not the acerbic observations given by people who were not willing to invest the time.

right on...the crutch does help. I would never have left my dorm room or had a life without it. I think AS people are better off drinking and having a good time honestly...but my family was starting to self destruct, lots of unnecessary details...so I had to give up the crutch. and life is HARD without it. yeah..the amends thing seems unnecessary to me...maybe make us more dedicated cult members..who knows..haven't gotten that far yet. If I started demanding that everyone believes I guess i've become on of them! it does seem most members are ok to go to parties and bars even

Ever thought about Rational Recovery? I believe you are "allowed" to drink in moderation with that one.

Last I heard, the founder was being charged with felony DUI


There are several key elements involved in successful recovery. 1 is coming to the realization that you cannot stop doing stupid things in your own understanding and you need SOMEbody to help, if God doesn't work for you, at least make sure it's something you can turn ALL your life and will over to its total care and control, and has the power to restore you to sanity

Amends are because we ruined many relationships in our irrational thinking; the people were not seeing the sane us. Is it punitive when someone who really does love their kids treated them horribly when they were drunk/high? And some amends are really easy; if an ex told you they never wanted to see you again, just keep staying away, that's it, that's your amends.

Service - how many times have you heard of someone who was a hair away from relapsing, or tempted to not go to meetings (major cause of relapse) but they were signed up to set out chairs or do coffee so they ended up going? Besides it really does get you out of yourself