Social anxiety and social etiquette

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I just realized that my social anxiety mainly stems from fear that I will violate social etiquette in some way. And it's not a phobia after all because it's grounded in reality--despite my best efforts, I usually infringe upon these invisible social rules everyone else seems to share in much the same way that a child would. However, since I'm not a child, people tend to be unnerved by what seems to be utter disregard for the rules, and that is why I tend not to try to build and maintain friendships.
I know I must be missing something... because even the people I think accept me who I would called friends never initiate conversations with me or think to invite me anywhere. It's awful because, if they really do have a problem with me or find me off-putting, they don't really tell me that... so I don't really know what to do. I have even tried coming right out and admitting that I'm awkward.
I tend to be very quiet in person--I often do not realize how quiet I am. Even my husband tells me I'm not as talkative with him as I think I am. It's weird having a totally different perspective of myself than others have. I think I'm giving them time to talk, but maybe they want me to say something? I don't really know.
It's so confusing.
Anyway... I still don't know if I have Asperger's... I know a lot of people on here say they don't want or need friends, but I kinda do. At least, I need one or two friends who will push me out of my comfort zone by getting together with me once a week or so. I get lonely just being with my husband all the time and otherwise communicating electronically through email and Facebook with people I never see in person.

I've had pretty much the same crap to deal with my whole life. "Why am I everyone's Plan Z? Why doesn't anyone want me around when I want to be around them?" But my biggest fear is not so much violating etiquette but just not making a connection in the first place and getting pushed/turned away. Kids saying "Speak when spoken to!" was about as bad as bullying in my book, now that I look back on it - and it was without provocation, just due to me not knowing when to "chime in". On top of that, I'm snakebitten by panic attacks I used to have. After doing some reading, I suppose they were a result of being anxious and overstimulated at the same time. They come out of nowhere, almost like a seizure, and at that point all you can do is leave. So I hope you haven't gotten many or any of those!

The funny part about the whole thing is that it took almost 30 years to realize there were identifiable problems and that I wasn't just your everyday idiot. So I'm in your boat as "on the verge of diagnosis" but I'd rather be an Aspie than an Insignificant Prick!

It might be hard and might never happen, but I suppose finding people to be around that are understanding and forgiving might be the only real solution...