Existential Crisis

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Just joined this site and it looks pretty cool, I never new this existed.

Nevertheless, I'm 16 and just realized that I'm having an existential crisis and looking back to when I was young it appears as though I've always had such tendencies. Even when I was about 4 I was thinking about tomorrow and how I could die at any moment. When I heard of someone dying, even people I didn't know I would lie awake a night scared that it might happen to me. Of course when I was young I didn't know what that meant and thought it was just a stupid paranoid thing, but now it seems to make sense.

I've accepted there is no all encompassing meaning of life and that we must make our own meaning in our own ways. But I'm struggling to do that. For a long time I have been addicted to computer games, driven by many factors. Including, parents divorce when I was 6, bullying all throughout primary school and not having any reliable friends. I guess I naturally turned to something that would always be there and would allow me to escape my own thoughts.

This of course has made things even worse, I have almost no social skills now and find it hard to connect with people even though I can consider them my friends. We tell a few jokes but I doubt I will ever be invited to parties. I've never had a girlfriend as I'm too afraid of rejection and the bullying that may ensue.

My grades have dropped from A's to B's as I find it hard to do any work (it's still pretty easy to pass and even get B's though). I feel I have let myself down, every prodigy started early and I feel it's already too late for me. I can make something okay of this life but I doubt I will ever be the next Einstein now. I blame myself but also my parents somewhat, as unfair as that may be. My mind feels constantly clogged with useless information that I absorb, so much so that I feel I can't learn any school related work.

I've come to a point where I am not happy with my current life and want to change, I don't get any joy out of playing games anymore. I will often stare at the expansive library of games I have, spoiled with choice but wanting for none. I want to do something new with my life, I know I have great potential but I fail to harness it. I am hoping for some ideas on how others have coped with some of these problems in their lives.

All of this leaves me wondering why I bother to try at all, it seems so futile and unfulfilling. I sometimes watch people drive around at dawn as they let the sunrise pass them by and feel a deep sorrow take a hold of me. These people, probably a third way through their life, drive around day in day out to a job they probably despise for a medial amount of money they will most likely spend on some new phone that will give them a few fleeting moments of joy until they grow tired of it and buy a new one for a few more moments of fleeting joy. They let life pass them by and will not realize it until it's too late. I want to slap people until they wake up. Yet I know it is futile because at the core, people do not want to change. I on the other hand realized far earlier and I'm not sure if this is a good thing or a bad. It gives me time for change, but change to what.

Perhaps it is not an existential crisis but a nihilistic one.

Thoughts?

Hi there, welcome to the site!

Someone I know went through something just like this recently. Your description of your feelings and gaming is really so close to his. I think that this is a stage in development - It's about beginning to take up the reins of adulthood and really growing into the adult person you're becomming. It's like you get disatisfied with your current life - it just doesn't fullfil you anymore - and you need something else but you don't know yet what that might be.

It's kind of a frustrating experience because you know you want to move on but you don't have a direction yet. This frustration can make a person feel like giving up and being nihilistic. Moving from one stage in life to the next, even in adulthood, can be difficult sometimes, and in your teenage years I think it is generally a tough time for most people. So don't despair, although it can feel difficult it's actually the beginning of a very positive thing.

My advice would be to go on the internet and/or youtube and/or out into the world and try things, read about things, look at blogs and vlogs, see what's there. Next time you feel a bit fed up because none of your video game collection really interests you, start exploring. Just look at loads of things, follow your interests, find out about yourself, what things you like, what things you don't like. Listen to some random songs. Not everything, of even most of the stuff, you look at will be really interesting but gradually you'll come to understand more of what makes you tick. Once you've found a few more interests you could then try visiting a club or society which supports that interest.

For instance, the way you describe the wonder of sunrises makes me wonder if you might be someone who would like to get into photography? If you were you could learn a bit about it and also perhaps join a photography club locally. Having a common interest is a great way to gently get yourself into socialising a bit more if you're unused to it.

So, those are my thoughts - you're very welcome to what's useful to you and please just ignore the rest. Hope it's helpful.

I had my first existential crisis when I was 11. This was also the last time I went to my mother's bed to hang out with her. This was when it hit me that I was going to die eventually. I wasn't thrilled with the idea.

I had similar thoughts at age of 16, standing in front of the window in the living room, staring outside, and thinking "what's the use of all this". the situation was existential in the way that I thought "I first need to find a good reason to live, and then I will start living"
But it doesn't work like that, live on, keep your eyes and ears open, even when you don't expect something or someone can cross your path that you'll like, certainly don't have the impression that everyone is just chasing after few more dollars for newest Iphone
PS: big advantage for you is that it's the internetage right now. When I was 16, there was no internet

i have decided that my purpose in life is to be happy and to make others happy. whether i was a doctor or disabled, i was able to do something toward my goals. something as simple as picking up a dropped grocery list and giving it to the dropper. something as simple as going for a walk. i could write a long paragraph about the benefits of waking. i'll just mention improved mood and decreased likelihood of developing dementia.

playing video games in and of itself isn't bad, especially if you play with other folks. just don't let it consume you and time for your other goals.

People and games don't need to be useful, in order to be liked.

Thanks for the responses guys.