Excuses

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Occasionally, conditions force me to get into the social life. As a countermeasure I got used to find excuses. Most of the time I say ''I have another appointment''.

Do you need excuses to avoid social situations? What is your favorite excuse? Or, can you be honest to everyone around and talk about your sensory overload?

I'm actually quite capable of telling people about my sensory overloads, but what kind of situations do you mean?

Because personally i don't have much need for people coming over a lot or anything, i like being on my own and i don't feel lonely unless i get gloomy which is not caused by loneliness, i just have good and bad days like we all do xD But most of my situations are online, i have a lot of good friends there, that i can really call friends :)

Sorry i rambled.

It depends what I'm doing. Usually if I'm in a group, I just go really quiet and make lots of excuses to go to the toilet/go outside to get a quick break. Occasionally it still gets too much though, and a few months ago I ended up having a meltdown in front of people I don't know very well which was horrible. I'm getting better at dealing with it at school (I'm a teaching assistant), and most of the kids know by now that I don't deal well with a lot of noise, and usually at least one of the kids will tell the others to be quiet which really helps because I find behaviour management in the classroom really hard. With classes I know well, I'm open with them that I don't like noise or a lot of things happening at the same time, and a lot of the kids respect that (it hasn't always been like that- has taken messing up a teacher training course and being more open with the kids over the last few months!). It's the same babysitting- a few weeks ago, I took some kids to the park where there were LOTS of people, and it started to get a bit overwhelming where I couldn't see straight and had 'buzzing' in my ears. I explained to the kids that there were so many people I couldn't see, so it would really help if they could stay close to me where I could see them and they were brilliant.

If you don't want to go, just say so.

If I felt they were being too invasive about getting me to join in, I might tell a downright lie, but I'd prefer to just call them out for their aggression and tell them not to do that, and just admit that I didn't want to join whatever it was. I can only easily be aggressive to people who have been aggressive to me.

If they're not being invasive, they're probably also able to take no for an answer. But last time anybody asked me politely, I said I had to be somewhere else that night, which was true, but I didn't tell them that I wasn't due there until the thing they wanted me to go to was over. I knew they didn't have enough information to work that out. So it was a bit of a porkie really, though I didn't actually say anything that was logically incorrect. It was a very sudden social invitation from somebody I quite like but don't know very well, and I didn't want to go into the AS speech and explain about social anxiety etc. Sometimes I'm just in the wrong head space to talk about this or that, and there's no help for it but to wait a while.

I think excuses are caused by a combination of pride and "anticipation of the audience not really understanding" the real reasons behind not joining in a particular activity.

I've made excuses my whole life, and I'm damn proud of it. This is because I can honestly do without trying to explain things to mostly judgmental people who don't care and don't want to hear about problems, period - let alone ones that "don't seem to have legitimate reasons" behind them.

If I don't want to go out, I just say so. There's no point in using excuses in a situation like that.

I find I'm making excuses all the time to avoid social situations. I usually say I have a headache or ear infection. Sometimes I wish I worked week-ends where I have to get up early, then that'd give me an understanding excuse to not go feel obliged to have to go out on week-end nights, without making others think I'm just alienating myself or being unsociable. Usually people can understand somebody not attending social situations when having to get up early for work the next day. That's probably the best excuse anyone can have.

Sometimes I make other social occurances an excuse to not to go to a particular social situation. Like I can say ''I need/want to phone my friend tonight'', or, ''hmm, I'm not sure whether I'm meeting someone else tomorrow...'' and so on. It sometimes works, depending on the context, of course.

I always have an excuse ready if I can't face doing something. Usually it's "I'm working", because I have lots of jobs and work unpredictable hours so it's believable. I have left other social situations early and made excuses and then feel really bad and like my friends knew I was lying. I guess it is best to be upfront with them, but I find it embarrassing.

If I can go and get away with not talking to anyone, I'm ok. If it's something really social with lots of people that I CAN get out of, I'm usually pretty frank and say "it's too loud and there will be too many people, I'll hate every second" People usually accept this.

If it is something I can't get out of, or shouldn'nt opt out of, I mitigate as much as I can. For instance last week the school my daughter is attending for kindergarten had open house. I couldn't really opt out, I needed to talk to her teacher and give the letter requesting an IEP to the school nurse (my daughter has aspergers). So what I did was show up 15 minutes early. Go "oh, what you are still setting up? Oh I don't care, the teacher and nurse are here, right?" So I got in, talked to the teacher, gave the letter to the nurse and got out just as it was getting crowded. As it was I had issues on the way out. I was really mean to the lady trying to sell spirit wear, she got between me and the exit!

My husband gets it. There have been times I decided, last second, I didn't want to go to a party or whatever and he has always accepted it and not gotten mad over it. Hes a good guy.

I usually just mention 'sensory overload', but sometimes I say, "I like my personal space" or that "I'm busy".

I usually say something like I'm busy with something else. Not literally of course, the "something else" is something I'll make up. I have never said to anyone, "nah, I can't make because I can't deal with the give and take of social interaction."

Well well, look at all these adamantly sought-after autistics here! Wish I had your problem, guys. With my social life, if anything, I'd have to make up excuses for accepting the invitation, if I was extended one.

Luckily, I don't have to do much socialization. If I was asked to attend a social event, I'd let the person asking me to attend said event know that I'm simply not interested. If I have something else to do, I will say so.