I can't maintain social relationships

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Sometimes I don't even really have that much trouble making friends with someone, but maintaining a steady relationship is extremely hard for me. It always seems that i do something wrong at some point that ruins the relationship or I just get bored of the person and stop talking to her.

Has anyone else got this?

I have the same problem.

Yes, especially with saying or doing something wrong. That happens to me whenever I start to make a friend.

I don't know if this is what you mean, but I have problems with the transition from "acquaintance" to "close friend" or even "friend". I can manage the painful small talk and meaningless chit chat okay, and I can open up to someone and have deep conversations, but that part in the middle where you exchange numbers, arrange to catch up, talk about things that are a bit meaningful but not too deep, etc., that is really difficult for me. In a group setting, it all seems to happen magically when I'm not around, and I find out everyone else in the group is getting quite friendly outside of our arranged meetings (e.g. class group meetings or something), and I'm getting left behind.

I don't know what you classify as "friendship", but using my own opinion of what a friend is, I think I do have trouble making friends. Sometimes a female will open up to me about something, so I think this may be the start of a friendship, but then I can't handle how petty and emotional things get at that point so I kind of shut down and they get bored of me or think I'm not interested in them. I like friendships based on interesting, rather than emotional, conversations/interactions, and I think that's a harder way to establish strong friendships with the typical female.

No, friends just drop from the sky for me. I guess you just have to fake being interested in whatever they say, and spice the conversations with questions or statements even if you (like me) cannot lead them.

Yes, this happens to me a lot. I never know how often to call them or text. I find emotional situations kinda scary and uncomfortable, but I don't want to give up on my friend(s). I never know what to do it seems. I can start a friendship, but I have difficulty maintaining it.

I have trouble with both starting friendships and maintaining them, but more so with the maintaining part.



That describes me very well. I'm pretty sure I even asked on WP some time: how do people go from acquaintances to friends?

My own definition of "friend" includes (amongst other things): you both go out of your way to see each other. So if you get along well with someone, but you only see them because you both happen to be in the same place at the same time (work, school, etc.) and never see them outside of that then they're not a "friend" in my book. A potential friend, yes, but not an actual friend - and that is the gap that I don't know how to bridge. It just seems so awkward and unnatural to just invite someone to do something with you, just the two of you, when you've never done that before. Of course, if you already have a circle of friends that you could invite that new potential friend into that might make it easier, but that's a chicken-and-egg problem right there!

Perhaps it's too narrow a definition. I know that some NTs throw the word "friend" around very carelessly. In one case a guy I know was introducing me to his girlfriend and said "this is my friend... err... what was your name again?" I thought "friend? are you kidding me?!" I mean, he's a cool guy and everything, and a good acquaintance, but clearly not a friend by any stretch! But he didn't seem bothered or embarrassed in the slightest. (Oh, and while I was thinking all this I must have completely ignored his girlfriend. )

If a relationship's boring you, that's probably a pretty good sign that it's time to move on to a new one.

When there's chemistry and both would like to, it just happens naturally. You'll mention a place you mean to go to tomorrow night, and they ask you if they could come along because they've been wanting to go there for a while. Or you two hear about something you want to do, arrange to meet there, then go for drinks together, and discover there's another thing you two want to do together. A popular one is that one invites the other to see something the other very much wants to see at their home, then the other reciprocates the invitation and so it goes.

If it feels unnatural, then there's not enough chemistry or the interest in expanding the friendship is not mutual. I have a great friend at work, yet it'd never occur to me to suggest doing something together outside work, I just know she wouldn't be interested, though we go out to eat together at lunch time a lot.