NT siblings of Autists seem depressed/insecure?

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I'm probably overestimating here, and I hope to not offend anyone, but I've met a few people with Autistic siblings and they seem depressed in a way, or mostly very meek. I remember a girl at school who had an older brother with severe Autism (very low-functioning), and she seemed very emotionally weak all through school life, really. She used to cry a lot when she got to her teens, and got sent home because she couldn't concentrate on her work (not as punishment), but wouldn't tell anyone what was wrong. She just seemed a little bit emotionally disturbed to me, compared to the other kids.

Also I know a girl now who has a younger brother with Autism and Cerebral Palsy, and she is very meek. She looks nervous all the time, like she's about to cry. But she is very meek, finds it hard to stand up for herself, and always looks very tired, like she's under a lot of pressure what we don't know about. She seems very sensitive, I know some people are anyway but it's noticeable with her, if you know what I mean.

And then there's my brother. Although I'm only a high-functioning Aspie, my brother still seems emotionally weak, ever since his early teens. He cries a lot in his bedroom (even though he's 24), my mum has heard him cry when she was trying to talk to him behind a closed door, and he can seem strange in a lot of ways, although he mixes well with his peers and still goes out and about with mates he used to know from school, and also new people he has met at the pub, and gets on well in a crowd. But he seems emotionally insecure in other ways, and can still act like a 14-year-old.

Is it quite common in NT siblings to be meek or quite insecure inside if they have siblings on the spectrum, or is this just coincidence? I was wondering if anyone here has experienced this, or if anyone has siblings that aren't affected by having siblings on the spectrum at all.

It could be in a lot of cases that the sibling has some autistic traits but is not diagnosable. Siblings of kids with Autism are more likely to have autistic traits and mood disorders are more common in the families of ASD kids than in the families of NT kids. They just have some of the genes (because AS is polygenetic) and therefore SOME of the traits. So maybe they have social/emotional problems because of this (problems with emotional regulation maybe). It could also be from getting less attention or something due to the younger sibling...or a number of other reasons....it's hard to determine why really.

My sister is very NT and very emotionally secure.

I know of a family where there are 4 children (1 grown-up and the other 4 teenagers), and the grown-up one is Nt but has always been emotionally insecure. Her younger siblings don't have autism or AS but have other conditions. One has epilepsy and mild learning difficulties also can be socially awkward but not anything AS-diagnosable. The other one has dyspraxia and dyslexia and a few mild physical problems like diabetis and blood pressure problems. And the youngest has adhd quite bad.

My sister has struggled with depression and anxiety. I think partly it could be down to the fact that when she was a child she was overlooked for support and attention because my parent's were struggling to cope with me. Somehow she just got a little forgotten I think, and her problems weren't picked up on because they were less obvious and problematic than mine. Of course I can only comment on my own family, it is likely that other families are different. My sister is certainly not on the spectrum, so the problem doesn't lie in that area.

I don't have a sibling, but if I did the majority of my parents attention would have been invested in me since I need support and attention regarding certain issues. I'd have loved another sibling to take some of the focus off me, honestly.

I think having a sibling with a disability, autism or not, does make people prone to emotional problems. Many do not get much attention growing up and have to mature quickly because their parents need to put so much time into the sibling with the disability. Some people with disabilities are prone to mood disorders and/or self-destructive behaviors and I think seeing a sibling go through that must be really hard. Parents of kids with disabilities can experience a lot of stress and anxiety and I think that can rub off on the children. I will say though most of the people I've met who have autistic siblings are very caring and mild-mannered, so I think it can go either way.

My sister and I are both on the spectrum...my somewhat NT brother has mood problems, mostly a short fuse, but has not exibited any depression or the slightest bit of meekness. He is hypersocial if that is possible and has a type A personality.

Jojo

No, my two NT siblings are not emotionally insecure. Except lately for the one who got in Afghanistan, but that's a effect of the war. They are both very social too. (To my great annoyance.)

I don't know if my brother is depressed or not, I don't think he is but I know that we can be insecure. Mind you, he's a lot more confident than I am, by a long shot. He is shy and slightly insecure though.

That sounds like my family situation. My younger sister always had to take care of herself, because my parents were trying to figure out what was wrong with me. She always was "the good girl", getting good grades and never getting into trouble. Now she works herself sick as a lawyer and is on anxiety medication.

Also a parent[s] poor parenting skills, could be the cause of the distressed NT child.

A crisis of ego may also present, as maybe none of their friends have a disordered sibling, and they feel alone in their NT-sibling-to-an-autistic experience

My sister looked very sad in childhood photos, packed on the weight during her early teens till mid thirties, and was meek too. Then she lost all the weight and became a meanie

This was the case in my family, too (my autism was undiagnosed and not dealt with, but I did have other disabilities and pretty severe behavior problems). I can't say my sister was depressed, but she sure struggled.

IN addition, I do feel that hte stress of having a disabled sibling can be problematic even if the sibling doesn't get more tatention/support/etc. You do have to deal with someone who is somehow different, and NTs may struggle to communicate with autistics, too. If auitsm is severe, meltdowns and other behavior problems add up.

My younger brother is not depressed and does not suffer from anxiety, but he is annoyed at times that I can't be a "proper" brother and have a more fulfilling relationship with him. It doesn't help that his idea of a fulfilling relationship seems to be getting any sort of attention from me, even if that is anger.

It can be that way but doesn't have to be. In my family, I have mild AS, and have a sister with LFA. I also have an NT sister and brother that have some AS traits. There have been some hard times, but I wouldn't say we're scarred for it. For example, we were apprehensive about inviting people over because of our LFA sister's meltdowns and other odd behaviors. I admit to being embarrassed about her having meltdowns in public. And this is far in the future but there's the possibility that I or one of my siblings will have to take care of her when our parents die. That would be a big burden since she doesn't even eat or bathe by herself.

But all that being said, we have been stronger for the experience. And our parent of course had to focus on the LFA sister, paying less attention to the rest of us. That was a good thing for me and my other siblings since we don't do well with constant surveillance. Now we're more independent as a result.