Grief?

Post Reply New Topic

This may sound really stupid, because my boyfriend thinks I'm being stupid..but today I walked into my bedroom and looked in my fish tank. One of my fish was stuck in the filter. I screamed for my boyfriend, turned the filter off and the fish swam out. Its tail (which was huge because he's a male) was all mangled.

I moved him so the other fish didn't peck at his tail, which they had started to do, and kept an eye on him but this happened about 20 minutes before I had to leave for work. My boyfriend texted me later when I was at work telling me he'd died.

I haven't cried, but I feel really sick. I was feeling weak and shaky when I left for work, the same as after I've dealt with an emergency like when an old lady fell over in the street near me and bled everywhere and I administered first aid. I get a horrible feeling in my stomach when I think about it. I just cleaned the tank out (it needed doing anyway) and I felt really sick cleaning the filter wondering if there were bits of his tail in there.

Is this a reaction like grief? I know it's only a fish - I've had others die in the past and I've been a bit sad but not like this. I think it was the way it happened which makes a difference; Finding it and not knowing how long it had been stuck in the filter, sitting watching it thinking how scared and in pain it must be and wondering if it would die. I think this is the first time I've felt real empathy. Is it possible to feel empathy towards a fish but not people?? and when will this feeling go away? I don't like it.

It sounds more like a mixture of shock, revulsion and grief. Surely you never expected the filter to do that. I'm sorry about your fish.

Yes. For instance I've never been assaulted, slandered, mob attacked or excluded by any fish. I sometimes think humans are the only animal I can't relate to some days! It's hard to have a positive outlook after what I experienced.