Does this count as abuse? Or am i a bpdaspie troll?

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as i state in my profile, i am a 28 year old woman (if it helps, I am libra/virgo/scorpio with chiron in gemini in the second house) who self-diagnosed wiht asperger's/dyspraxia/cogdef/seasonal affective and possible executive dysfunction ( is that what they call that?), having previously bee ndiagnosed with ADHD severalyears before this.



Okay, so the other day I was getting around... to doing this thing my motehr wanted on Second Life. I wanted to surprise her by doing it all that night, while she was asleep. But I did not do it taht night because she kept at me aboutwhen it was going to get done, becuase her precious notion was seasonal theme-intensive and she was waiting on me to do my thing but now fall was almost over, and this caused me to allow myself to tell her that I had been planning tosurprise her i nthis way. So I told her what i had been planning, and then said that she had ruined my joy of planning thesurprise and that I would be putting it off even longer.
( I ahe issue with doing almost ANYTHING for her because I am always frustrated by her demands, be they rational or what I perceive to be irrational. I despise her behaviour, and ahve since at 11 years of age I realized something was off.)

Now, ot be short aboutthis, my -mother- then got upset because I said I woudl not do thething she wanted and then reached over the doggy gate i keep across my door to keep our cute little chihuahua from using my room as his piddle park. She then suddenly and visciously reached over, grabbed my shirt and tore it as she pulled me closer to the doggy gate, while I was in my roling chair sitting at my laptop. then claimed I do that kind of thing to her. HA! no I don't. I stopped anything resembling that kind ofbehaviour through conscious choice, becuae I thought I was bad and wanted to better myself. Besides, I am highly intelligent and I KNOw she will use any thing like that on my part as fodder to recondition dad agaisnt me, and probably other people. Plus my passive till he;s agressive and so loud you think you're dying dick of a father ( i love his good qualities, but geez, really?) once threatened to cal the COPs on ME becaue I OMG dumped my milk or water or whatever on his head. dick. OMG I cut off your balls with my magical knife made of cow's milk. -sarcasm-

and back to the laptop scene, with the chair and the tearing of hte shirt.

Oh sorry, i mean the laptop she SAYS is mine but would not give me if I moved out because I didn'tbuy it.

she said rather upsettedly after I was so surprised I cursed at her for this sudden trip of crazytrain that this was because she was, get this:

'Trying to drag me closer to her emotionally.'

her exact words.
well, if she didn't cling Like a Boss, I wouldn't feel the need to distance. nuff said.

my word. um, normal much?

Or am i seething cow for, you know, not cowtowing? I can;t standto do much for her anymore, but i can't move out yet (unless something changes soon) and i can;t work. so yay. no therapy either, becaue she pays the bills with dad's money, and he is her autistic willing enabler, preprogrammed by his fainting fit mother to be just that. ;(

hrm, I would pop popcorn, but i am on GFCF and my brain has never bee nclearer, so none of that bad food for me.

my dad actually laughed in my face and almost looked like he was gonna hit me jsut because I said he wsa autistic and that he should deal with it. sounds brainwashed and in denial to me.

but oh no, I'm the crazy one.

keepin it real,

Me.

sounds like you guys just really don't get along. I end up despising my mom when I live with her because she and I are polar opposites no matter how hard I try to like her. If you ever want to have a decent relationship with your mom, you need to do all that's in your power to move out, even if that means moving in with roommates and using a computer at the library until you can save up for your own (unless there's an actual written contract, the laptop belongs to whoever bought it).
I wouldn't say your mom abused you, but she does sound quite a bit over the top. If you can't move out, then it's still a good idea to save up and buy your own laptop and also to keep more to your personal space and avoid her on a daily basis or as much as possible. The more distance you put between you and her, the closer the two of you will be in your relationship.

am trying to find a way to do whatever I cna do.

thank you for responding, and i hopeyo uhave a pleasant day.

I think that counts as abuse. Grabbing you and tipping you over is not acceptable. The rest could simply be a normal conflict, but she should never get physical with you. She could be legally charged with assault for that.

I dunno. one minute I thin I am supposed to htink it's abuse, the next I am not. My psychologist seemed unwilling or not ready to go there with things like that... i can't wait to be able t osee him again to tell him this new stuff that's hpapening.

then people tell me that it's not abuse, so maybe they know more than me and my virgo-moon-ness is just blowing things out of proportion and demonizing my mother...?
THis is what I need to concretely undrstand... i feel like i can;t go forward until I make a decision... but... waht am I looking at the wrong way?

i feel so much betterthan I did when I posted this, it's like my head cleared of something... i think MAYBe our allergies have bee nacting up REALLY BAD this month and making things soooo much more outblown and grandiose and bad-seeming than they are.

Then again, there are days when i fee lfine and she STILL does wierd s**t. beats me. i just don't want to make the wrong choice and hurt my parents.

Plus, i never have enough money to save up. i barely managed to save 50 dollars, and that was for a specific item i needed so i could use it to plan out my story ideas for my writing, which is my really, my only! release.

So... any thoughts, guys?
(again, thank you everyoen for replying.)
I feel like I still need perspective on this, but cannot get it. ANYWHERE.

;(

dudes, I know, and I know i NEED to, VERY BADLY. It is the ONLY THING I crave... besides um, a spindly guy in a bowtie who lives in a blue box but well... that ain't happenin.

But I can't find a way to. nothingworks. Meditation... right. not when I an hear everyone in my house making tiny little noises becaue my ears are sensitive in some ways ,like so many of us.
I will try it again though. mybrainwon't shut off...! !! need... alone time!! !

urk.

Aewsome though. yeah!