How to get out of isolation, does anyone know

Page 1 of 1 [ 16 posts ] 

Underscore
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 10 Aug 2012
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,036

24 Sep 2012, 1:05 pm

When you're in a state of passive isolation, regression, you're not doing anything in a day. As an Aspie or someone with ASD, how do you get out of it? What are your options? It's not depression(I think?), it's just situations leading to you being stuck and paralyzed in a way.



Shrok
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 2 Jul 2012
Gender: Male
Posts: 30

24 Sep 2012, 1:11 pm

I haven't a clue. I have been stuck in such a situation for many years and I don't know how to escape it. I would definitely like to hear what other people have to say on this topic though.


_________________
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
Bertrand Russell


jonny23
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Mar 2012
Age: 46
Gender: Male
Posts: 515
Location: Sol System/Third Rock/USA

24 Sep 2012, 1:25 pm

I haven't made any new friends in 15 year (since highschool) and I'm down to just a couple. I've been thinking about joining some clubs for stuff I'm interested in. Seems like a good way to meet people and we would already have something in common.



tippi
Hummingbird
Hummingbird

User avatar

Joined: 21 Sep 2012
Gender: Female
Posts: 18

24 Sep 2012, 2:05 pm

I was like this for 2 days or so - nothing works (for me) other than routine.

Monday morning alarm clock goes off & signals a new beginning. I feel fine now (back home, a hard day behind me) and the sinking depths that I sunk into less than 24 hours previously, long forgotten.

Weird isn't it? Can't be termed as depression but it seems I need structure/routine to 'lift' me out of this black hole I keep sinking into.



Logicalmom
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 7 Aug 2012
Age: 58
Gender: Female
Posts: 887
Location: Canada

24 Sep 2012, 2:18 pm

I went to university. Now I feel like I have lost too much anonymity. I love the intellectual challenge but when you are anywhere long enough, social pressure mounts. I am currently tempted to quit. I have done very well thus far, but I don't know if I can keep it up. I feel like I can't keep anything up. I want to shut down for a while. Darned if you do, darned if you don't.



MrStewart
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 Sep 2012
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 609

24 Sep 2012, 2:19 pm

I don't know. The thing with me is that I happen to like isolation. My therapist prefaces her social suggestions to me with "I know you don't want to interact with people but..." then "think about it".

I might get a pet, though. I can see how that might help with some of my depression related issues.



GiantHockeyFan
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 18 Jun 2012
Age: 42
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,293

24 Sep 2012, 2:28 pm

Underscore wrote:
When you're in a state of passive isolation, regression, you're not doing anything in a day. As an Aspie or someone with ASD, how do you get out of it? What are your options? It's not depression(I think?), it's just situations leading to you being stuck and paralyzed in a way.


I can relate as I'm working on getting out. My advice is to see if can join a club. Many areas of Canada have sport and social clubs that while expensive, have opened doors and potential friends to me. I've also made it my mission to be more outgoing and initiate conversations. Sometimes it doesn't go too well (like the old lady downtown who ranted about how Chinese people are all blood sucking parasites that should be all deported) but generally I'm realizing most adults are not like they were in Junior High and are much more open and welcoming. Trust me, I'm fully aware that it's much easier said than done!



tippi
Hummingbird
Hummingbird

User avatar

Joined: 21 Sep 2012
Gender: Female
Posts: 18

24 Sep 2012, 2:30 pm

MrStewart wrote:
I don't know. The thing with me is that I happen to like isolation. My therapist prefaces her social suggestions to me with "I know you don't want to interact with people but..." then "think about it".

I might get a pet, though. I can see how that might help with some of my depression related issues.


I like isolation too so I understand what you mean. My problem is when isolation turns into a 'fog' that I can't crawl out of.

I have to/need a balance or I sink into apathy. This, in spite of my natural introversion.

An introvert who needs people. Go figure.



jagatai
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Feb 2010
Age: 59
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,475
Location: Los Angeles

24 Sep 2012, 2:45 pm

I tend to slip into phases of isolation and the only thing that seems to get me out is when I become so distressed and frustrated that I actually take some kind of action. A couple moved into the house across the street and I invited them over. This is something really weird for me. We are slowly becoming friends and that is helping, but I have a hard time actually approaching people.

I guess the problem most people here deal with is that we don't tend to have a large pool of acquaintances so when the few people we know are all off doing other things that don't include us, it feels like everyone has abandoned us. And because our networks are small, meeting new people becomes rather difficult, especially as we get older.

The problem for me is actually approaching and talking to strangers. It goes so far beyond my comfort zone that my usual response is to avoid. I think the only solution is to make the effort to push yourself out of your comfort zone.

Actually I ended up talking to a neighbor recently who said that the only other neighbors she knew were the ones who had dogs because they would run into each other on the street as they walked them. Maybe that's something to try; get a dog that is going to need walks. Go to dog parks with it. The dog itself might make a good companion and might also help you find a way to interact with human companions.


_________________
Never let the weeds get higher than the garden,
Always keep a sapphire in your mind.
(Tom Waits "Get Behind the Mule")


PixelPony
Toucan
Toucan

User avatar

Joined: 3 Jul 2012
Gender: Female
Posts: 271

24 Sep 2012, 2:55 pm

I broke out of semi-isolation by going to events related to my interests. Meetup.com is a great way to find some groups. There might even be an aspie meetup group near you. It's even better when the people you're meeting understand how big a step it can be to just get out. You can also try looking for "shy person" meetup groups to avoid getting overwhelmed.

I've made two friends since I moved three months ago. Both were from getting out and doing stuff related to my interests, then a few people at said events talked to me, and I found a couple I liked, and who accepted me and my quirks.

These days, I'm inclined to just disclose all my quirks at first. If the person can handle it all and hasn't backed away from "the crazy person", then we've got a shot at a friendship. I'd rather get the abandonment out of the way before I put any effort into getting to know the person. Maybe not the best method, but it's worked.

Hmm.. Might have gotten off track there. But making friends is part of breaking isolation, right?


_________________
Your Aspie score: 186 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 17 of 200
Quiz updated, now even more aspie


AnotherKind
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 14 Dec 2011
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 769
Location: Neverland

24 Sep 2012, 2:59 pm

I like isolation but when I used to go out, I felt really dependent on contacts (even if I had no true friends).
The key for isolation is the isolation itself (for me) but if you feel good around people I'm sure you can find people everywhere to go out with (try the internet)

Usually, to forget about boredom, I do things that naturally brings me pleasure (playing a game, music, reading some interesting stuff). But I rarely get bored. Never understood why people get bored so easily.


_________________
Agnostic atheist. Hardcore determinist. Misanthrope. Objectivist. INTP.
AS: 165, NT: 44


Curiotical
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 20 Jul 2012
Age: 39
Gender: Female
Posts: 577
Location: California

24 Sep 2012, 5:00 pm

I'd highly recommend joining an Autistic social/support group. I have made many friends at my group and I no longer feel so isolated.


_________________
Jane


1000Knives
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 8 Jul 2011
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,036
Location: CT, USA

25 Sep 2012, 12:54 am

I go hiking or something. It gives me a way to go outside without interacting with people really.



Mdyar
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 28 May 2009
Age: 59
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,516

25 Sep 2012, 4:19 am

Underscore wrote:
When you're in a state of passive isolation, regression, you're not doing anything in a day. As an Aspie or someone with ASD, how do you get out of it? What are your options? It's not depression(I think?), it's just situations leading to you being stuck and paralyzed in a way.


Oh, it's not depression per se. I'm certain this is an inability/dysfunction to do- to take action. You know but you are hemmed or boxed in a thought or a certain routine. It's a similar happening you see with the proverbial drug addicts. They "know" but are mired in this. It's executive frontal lobe related.

Some good thoughts to do here are in these posters. And I'd read Moog's links ( if they're still there?) for some additional insight.

But, either way you look at it, one is mired into something with ED; and by putting "something" healthier into that routine will yield benefits.

It's the best you can do and this phenomenon is called "inertia."

This is the same stuff you see with the Special Interests. It's a narrowing down effect in one's consciousness.

This ( what you've outlined here) can be called having "Special Thoughts." :lol:



izzeme
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Apr 2011
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,665

25 Sep 2012, 4:41 am

joining clubs are indeed the way to go.
either join an autism discussion group or a club for one of your bigger hobbies; both give you an exuse to be there and to speak to other people, you have at least one thing in common (either autism or the hobby).

if you are scared to go, perhaps ask your therapist to keep pressuring you, or ask one of your better friends (assuming you have a small few left) to join you the first time



Underscore
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 10 Aug 2012
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,036

25 Sep 2012, 8:50 am

Thanks for the tips, everybody. I will try it all out.