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47x
Sea Gull
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17 Sep 2012, 1:31 pm

I've noticed that when other people participate in what they call "small talk" they usually just blurt out something of no particular interest to anyone in the room and everyone is just soaking it up and coming back with whatever question they may find match that statement. I think I managed to do that quite good today, I felt like a human for once. My work colleagues didn't seem to think that it was out of place or anything, it actually felt like my contribution, even though it was small, was accepted.

Yay! +1 points for me!

I feel uncharacteristically happy with myself, like I actually understood the social "code" for once and managed to adapt to it.

Here's a question so that my entire rant won't seem to out of place...
What's your latest success in social interaction, no matter how small?



weeOne
Snowy Owl
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17 Sep 2012, 1:36 pm

Excellent job!



unreal3x
Deinonychus
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25 Sep 2012, 9:42 am

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=udXyJRz9gdg[/youtube]



Last edited by unreal3x on 25 Sep 2012, 11:51 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Sidmor
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25 Sep 2012, 10:51 am

What time is it? Depressing neurology facts time.

During small talk, the NTs are trying to find the identity of the others (for instance, what is appropriate to others) without committing to anything themselves. It doesn't matter what the topic is, but what is said about it.

There is this thing called a shared belief web. It contains the cultural symbols loaded with meanings that the NTs think with. The Autistics do NOT see or internalize these socially constructed beliefs (as much).

The communication is only fluid within a cultural group where the belief web is shared. That web already contains the answers (what to say) so there is no need to "calculate" it for the NTs.

In a fast and fluid communication, there is very little calculated thought. If you try to mimic it without memorizing the shared belief web, trying to think about what to say in real time, you might not be able to do it fast enough. These beliefs are far too numerous and dynamic to make explicit and teach one by one.

So, they don't exactly talk about nothing but they share their belief webs and culture. We do not and cannot do it nearly as effectively. Mimicking it may also lead to NTs thinking that you are dull, because we Autistics cannot properly mimic the purpose of their small talk and therefore we many times actually DO talk about nothing if trying to mimic it.

Attempting to act like them outside basic courtesy is usually not sustainable in the long term, nor is good for your mental health if you have to strain yourself to do this even if you felt like you succeeded in the beginning.



Filipendula
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25 Sep 2012, 5:27 pm

Sidmor wrote:
What time is it? Depressing neurology facts time.

During small talk, the NTs are trying to find the identity of the others (for instance, what is appropriate to others) without committing to anything themselves. It doesn't matter what the topic is, but what is said about it.

There is this thing called a shared belief web. It contains the cultural symbols loaded with meanings that the NTs think with. The Autistics do NOT see or internalize these socially constructed beliefs (as much).

The communication is only fluid within a cultural group where the belief web is shared. That web already contains the answers (what to say) so there is no need to "calculate" it for the NTs.

In a fast and fluid communication, there is very little calculated thought. If you try to mimic it without memorizing the shared belief web, trying to think about what to say in real time, you might not be able to do it fast enough. These beliefs are far too numerous and dynamic to make explicit and teach one by one.

So, they don't exactly talk about nothing but they share their belief webs and culture. We do not and cannot do it nearly as effectively.


Do you have an example?

Also, what about when you get NT's who just waltz in halfway through, turn the conversation on themselves and then never give it back? Other NTs seem to tolerate this, even perhaps enjoy the new discussion, but I have no idea why. I find it self-centred, rude and irritating.

PS. I liked the video too Unreal3x


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AQ: 32 (up to 37 when answering instinctively); EQ: 21 - 24; SQ: 31
Reading the Mind in the Eyes: 32
RAADS-R: 85
RDOS Aspie score: 115/200; NT score: 79/200


Moondust
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25 Sep 2012, 5:53 pm

Sidmor, that's indeed the truth many young aspies don't want to hear. The fact that they're not imitating NTs but imitating their own, autistic, interpretation of NTs - which is by force of definition inaccurate, often leading to such artificial behaviors and mannerisms that they are soon seen as ridiculous or creepy.

This phenomenon can be exemplified in how the poorer classes "imitate" the rich and thus acquire the image of "cheap". Their problem is that they don't have a close enough acquaintance with the rich, so they imitate what they interpret to be the rich, and that's how ridiculous and "cheap" come to exist. Eg: they don't have the knowledge needed to appreciate the difference between pearls and plastic, hair dye hues, size of jewelry, etc.


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Stuntnuts
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25 Sep 2012, 6:02 pm

Autists must understand scientifically what NTs understand instinctively.



TheWebbz
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25 Sep 2012, 6:05 pm

Congrats!

Yesterday I had a conversation with an NT girl in my class....she always was friendly to me even though I barely know her....it was refreshing, since I've never had a real conversation with anyone in a long while.