Transitioning from a NT to an Asperger

Post Reply New Topic

For everyone who have gotten the diagnose relatively late in life and that have had to do a "transition". From how you thought you should function, to how you actually should function because of your condition. How did you make that transition? Was it a big step, or was it just something that happened instinctively without you needing to change yourself? Can you say something about that?

Personally I have taken it far in trying to be the way I "should" be. I terms of being normal and in terms of how the psychologists more or less commanded me to be so that they could cure me.. I have shown to be skilled at controlling my head, making myself think in different ways so that I could function better, of course this becomes a big problem over time. Untill you isolate yourself and regress. When I heard about AS being something I had a lot to relate to, I still had problems with knowing how I should work. I have been confused, and I still am. It seems to be hard to explain how one really should function, especially when your head is not where it should be.

How late is "late"? I was diagnosed at 15. I don't know what "transition" you're talking about. Why would I change because someone told me the label for how I already was?

The label doesn't change who you are. It shouldn't.

Now, if you mean learning about who you are under all the pretending, then yeah; that's something we've all done. But there's no hurry. Give yourself time. When you catch yourself feeling instinctively ashamed of your natural impulses, feeling like you should be hiding something, ask yourself why. Is this something that you were taught was unacceptable? Is it, really, or is it just atypical? It really does help. It sure helped me, anyway, to be free to do things the way that's natural for me. I became a lot more functional when I stopped pretending that I work the same way everybody else does.

There may not be so many people that have taken the step of trying to be normal as far as I have. Where you alter everything about you and discipline yourself in all possible areas, consistently in 22 years. How do you change that. Your head is incorrectly programmed, and that is hard to interfere with.

You are standing in front of a figurative mirror using your peers as a gauge, adapting yourself to them - all to their expectations. The default state is to communicate when necessary and not for the thrill of these typical adventure-es forays - small talk.

In essence one is born without this "program" and to survive in this state you have to learn what others instinctively know- that is how to communicate.

Somewhere in this there is a character/personality ( I hope). All in all you have to adapt to the world; but find a niche to work out of. I believe it takes feedback of some sort to mesh in with this. To find a strenght in yourself. Something to tell you objectively of where you stand, hence a definition of 'who you are'. If you are constantly running after someone's heels out of frantic desperation to survive ( in this state of confusion/fear)- there is little time. It's a survival of life.

It may take time.

I hope it works out for you.

I was in my mid-fifties when diagnosed, and had only suspected I was on the spectrum a couple of years before that.

Yes, before diagnosis or even suspicions of AS you can spend your whole life trying to fit in, trying to be the NT you assume you are and should be. The cost is often being worn out at the end of the day, as well as a thousand little puzzles ("why can't I ever work out the signals that everyone else seems to know - like when to hug someone socially? How do they know when to lurch forward and do it?").

I think it takes time to make a transition to a more natural form of behaviour. I have been diagnosed two years now, and I am still working through the issues of what it means to be an Aspie in an NT world, but with one or two Aspie friends. I don't think you can undo decades of "programming" in a matter of days or weeks. And faking NT behaviour can still be a useful skill for coping with particular situations

Fortunately, I have always been able to be a bit eccentric, like being the only person at work with their fluorescent lights switched off all day. And I have always pursued my special interests and never worried too much that they were unusual. I knew enough to hide the more eccentric of them from the notice of other people.

I have no idea what doctor you went to, but whoever you did go to did a HORRIBLE job explaining what getting a diagnosis means, or you really misunderstood it.

There is no such thing as a transition from NT to AS. You are or you aren't.

It almost sounds like you got the diagnosis and are trying to become the diagnosis. Your letting it define you if you feel like you need to make a transition. This is the worst thing you can do when diagnosed.

Don't let it define you. If you've adapted to the world, there's absolutely no reason to throw those things away.

Use your diagnosis to enable you to pursue new adaptions and better understanding of your own behaviors, don't just descend into negative stereotypical behaviors of people with AS.

You're no different a person than you were the day before diagnosis. What "transition" are you talking about?

I'm pretty sure I know what you are talking about and I'm going through it right now. I was diagnosed earlier this year. Most of the time I forget to take note of the way I'm behaving, so this "transition" is taking a while. But when I remember, I pay attention to myself and whether I feel like I am being "me", or putting on that "pretending to be NT" act. I think there are still many occasions when it is appropriate to act, so I'm trying to get my head around it all and determine when to behave as I did before, and when to try to relax more and just be natural. I have a fair way to go, I think. But I'm not really in that much of a hurry, in fact I'm kind of enjoying the process (I studied psychology after all, so this kind of stuff is fascinating to me).

Its been so liberating not sucking NT ass like I did before in my humiliated confusion

But also sobering in that my dreams are more clearly mine, and relevant after all.

I am not anymore the person I used to be, Im not diagnosed yet, but that doesnt make any difference, diagnosed or selfdiagnosed.

If you are not in a stable environment it will hit you pretty hard, especially when you are at an age where you are supposed to be a professional worker.
You'll have a big decrease in your working performance and you are possibly even threatened to loose your job

If you are at the beginning of the 20s or such then you have much better chance to be sick for a while and continue your education.
You'll be able to focus on getting things right and you'll have the possibility to enjoy your life

When you are older like me 35 then there is no room for such.
you'll have to fight as hard as you can and hope that you are getting over it. And then that you would'nt loose your job.

You'll develop symptoms that will frighten you because they didn't exist before
You'll find out that there is hardly anybody that can help you and that you'll have to surrender to NTs view on things.

You'll realize what all has gone wrong in your life and that you never had a great life, and that you are probably just going to continue to struggle
for the rest of your life.

It will have a really striking impact on your self confidence which will make everything just worse.
You'll probably isolate yourself. Not that you'd want that, just that nobody will understand you why you are going apeshit.
you'll probably going to be considered mad.

Concluding I would say you will never be again the person you used to be before.

And you'll be happy if you can stabilise your life.

your own wrongplanet will be threatened to be destroyed. And allthough you think that you are right on this own planet
the reality will probably force you to leave it behind.

That will involve changing yourself drastically and you will question yourself into any detail


So be sure that you dont underestimate the effect on your psychological health
you'll have a hard time most probably

the less stable your environment the more it will hit you. Make sure to see a lot of people if you can
There is no return once you suspect yourself to be an aspie you'll be forced to go through that.

The younger you are the better the perspective.


If you have a partner then things are different but still be prepared for everything

Still this is some kind of bad case scenario I am in. But that is how you can feel, too.

I think I know what you are talking about here.

For me it is a good thing, mainly. And I say this in the sense that it has helped reduce my constant need to PUSH myself all the time to do things that go against what I can handle. I have spent my whole Life beating myself up every day for everything I can't do right compared with everyone else, and for not being able to do things the same way. Now I am not saying that I should give up on myself and never try to challenge myself ever again - no way.
However, I had taken my expectations and "self-beatings" to an unhealthy level. By now understanding that there is a REASON why I can't do these things as well, rather than the fact that I am just not trying hard enough, is a huge relief and is helping me with my anxiety and day-to-day life.
Instead of pushing myself too hard and getting frustrated, I allow myself to implement coping strategies and I give myself a break. Understanding myself from the point of view of understanding the way my Asperger's brain works, makes me put energy into coming up with helpful solutions rather than putting all my energy into talking to myself negatively and trying to do the same things NT people do & failing.

Some examples:

- Today, I almost had a meltdown. Long story short, I had waaay too much to do today with many unexpected changes. I was at the shops and could feel myself losing it. In the past, I would have kept pushing myself because "everyone else does". Now, knowing about my aspie-ness, I went to the comfort of my car and calmed myself down before continuing. Also, when I came home, I allowed myself a break without feeling guilty. Knowing that my brain has taken in too much stimulation and needs some time to process everything before I can continue meant that that is what I did, and I didnt feel guilty about it and was able to keep going.

- When I take my Son to his taekwondo class, the waiting room for the parents has SO many people in it, and it is SOOOO noisy and a complete Aspie hell!! Before I had my diagnosis, I would "put up with it" because everyone else seemed to. I would then be a complete monster with my Son and my family when I got home - not fair on them and no fun for me either. These days I take my netbook and my iPod, and I block the noise with my music and hyperfocus on my essay I am writing. I am much more pleasant. I also dont feel as guilty for not talking with the other parents.

I have learnt a lot about Asperger's and have/am still understanding which traits affect me most. I accept my diagnosis. I also familiarise myself with all the positive aspects of having Asperger's. I am in many ways quite happy to be an Aspie I have always felt different anyway, but now I know why, and so much makes sense now.

It has been a lot of small steps for me, and I have many more to make, but I am enjoying the progress This is one thing I am hoping to help fellow aspies with through my life coaching business.

My way of tackling the problems in real life which I had because of AS, was to program my head to work in different extremities. That way I was always on the edge, always productive and I avoided much of the confidence and inferiority issues one would have by being too weird. I see where this thread is going, because you are talking about this as something very foreign to you. That I should relax and embrace my natural behaviour. Behind all the layers of progamming in my head, I don't know what is natural and what is "Me". I would think that I needed some help in getting in that direction by following the ways of which I should have functioned in the first place, by sticking to my habits of "programming" myself, just this time by doing it right. I find it hard to discover what there is with me that is natural, but I will absolutely try to do that.

This is obviously helping me a lot already. I don't think that being diagnosed with AS will make my life worse, it will make it better in many ways. I'd love to see more contributions in this thread if anyone have anything they relate to. I appreciate the constructive replies you've come up with!

Are you saying you are having trouble understanding who you truly are naturally? (sorry, just trying to get more clear )

Yeah. I can't understand how one can have a natural state at all. Everything is actions to me, imposed actions, nothing else.

That's really interesting!

What difference do you think changing your "NT Self" to your "Asperger Self" will make?

"I have shown to be skilled at controlling my head, making myself think in different ways so that I could function better, of course this becomes a big problem over time"

Which actions become the problems? And what are the problems?

(I believe that by identifying which actions/situations create "problems" for us, we can identify that this is an area which is not "natural" for us, hence we get a better clue as to what our natural state truly is)