Am I broken?

Post Reply New Topic

Like three weeks a go, i went to a psychologyst, and i got diagnosed with asperger syndrome,Several Ocds,ADHD, yesterday i was taking a second diagnosis, because i still kinda think im a sociopath, and i just wanted to corroborate the firts diagnosis, the second diagnosis i got just added , bipolar disorder, dysgraphia.

So i know they are comorbid with asperger syndrome, but you cant have always all of them, and i have, like i just say before.

Asperger Syndrome
Several Ocds
ADHD
Bipolar
Dysgraphia

Yesterday i was kinda out of myself, and i didnt totally care, but im about to snap today, i just feel like i have tons of meltdowns inside of me, but they cant get out, and im just scary of what happen, cant seem to understand logically how the f**k i got all of this.

I just see myself as a toy that came broken.

And please avoid coments about me looking for pity of you guys, im just trying to express what im feeling, right now im alone at home, and im just kicking walls, and screaming, and cant stop being this angry and anxious.

I know exactly how you feel. At 13, the doctors could not agree on a dx for me. One said yes to AS one said no. One said schizo-affective, another said straight schizophrenia (theres a story behind that, PM me if you want to hear the funny details). One said depression, another said general anxiety.

Thats why I landed in the hospital twice, i tried to "return myself to manufacturer--defective".

A diagnosis do not change who you are, It will hopefully make it easier to find coping strategies. Just hanging around here on WP is giving me tons of coping advice, I could probably collect a few diagnoses (well, I probably could have done when I was younger, now some things have been masked by growing up and coping strategies) if I really wanted to.

Though nowhere nearly as bad as anyone else who posted here, I do have several minor defects (cheap, outsourced labor to produce a cheap product - a joke my friends make which ties into my lineage):
Aside from AS, I have
1) Improperly healed fracture of the tibia and problems putting weight on the affected leg
2) OCD (focusing on fear of contamination and counting things, as well as highly ritualistic actions)
3) Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome (connective tissue disorder, though mine is quite mild - just enough to make my ankles and hips dislocate often)
4) Carpal-tunnel syndrome
5) Flexor tendonitis
6) Rheumatoid Arthritis
7) Various gastrointestinal/digestive problems

Hmph. Pity would imply I look down on you; there's no reason for that. Personally, I think people are pretty darn tough, and mental illness, developmental disorders, and neurological quirks are just some of the things we can and do get ourselves through. "Broken" is a term I prefer to apply to bones, not people.

When you get a lot of diagnoses like that, it's not necessarily because you've got every kind of crazy in the book and you're horribly messed up; it's more like you've got your own particular breed of crazy that they can't quite put a name on; so they name it whatever it seems to resemble at the time. I'm like that, myself--sooner or later they're going to put a new diagnosis in the book and call it "Whatever Makes Callista So Darn Weird".

About a third to half the population are going to have a mental illness in their lifetime. So what you're experiencing is part of... well, the world. That kind of stuff happens to people; it's not unusual or foreign, whatever they think if they haven't experienced it for themselves.

Don't let people look down on you, and don't let them think of you as some sort of poor little patient. We've all got really annoying, painful, boring, and generally bad parts of our lives; yours happen to be related to that basketful of diagnoses you've got. You look at your life and you go on living it, and if need be you thoroughly chew out anybody who thinks it's fine to say you're not quite as good as they are.

If you're mad, go find something to punch, or run until you're tired, or just distract yourself until the anger goes away. You're frustrated, and I can totally see why--you've got some frustrating things in your life. You've got the right to be angry. If you can, use that anger to feed into your energy to change things. That's what it's there for; it's made to give energy to a cave-man who's hitting that saber-toothed tiger with his club when it gets a little too insistent about wanting to chew on him. And while you may not have to deal with sabre-toothed tigers (unless you're a paleontologist, I guess)... a little anger can make for a good boost when you're fed up and just can't take it anymore.

CyborgUprising

Carpal-tunnel syndrome! I had that while I was pregnant. It disappeared afterwards. It is a really annoying thing to have.

Lord, yes. I have the same issue because I have scoliosis that wasn't treated or monitored when I was a kid--now my upper back hurts all the time, especially if I sit for a long while, especially if I type at the computer for a long while. Gets to the point that I've got pain all up and down my arms, and stretching to the last two fingers of each hand. Just those two fingers; go figure.

It's weird how much even a minor physical problem like that can add to your stress level. I'm going to see if I can't get my doctor to teach me some exercises to get my back muscles to stop cramping up like they have been lately. That is, once I can get to a doctor again, because the government has been losing my paperwork since February and I still haven't got access to medical care.

Im really adicted to games, and i was diagnosed with that really long time ago.

Thanks to all of you guys for the words, dont get me the wrong way, i enjoy the way i am, im just trying to see logically mostly(stadistically) what are the odds of having that diagnosis, and well is not imposible, but the real trouble here is, im 19 and i cant seem to understand how my fathers never saw that i was kinda different when i was a kid?

I think mine was the result of typing/writing/drawing and using my fingers oddly (I can only do it a certain way on account of the RA). My inability to determine optimal pressure to apply may have played a role as well (I would often write or draw through several sheets of paper, often breaking the pencil/pen in the process).

I have a lot these same problems, so I can see where you are getting at. Fortunately, for me, at least watching humorous shows/movies/books helped me from going to a catatonic state early on.

I consider my OCDs part of my HFA behavioral patterns/quirks now. Some relate to stimming. Others definitely to trying to keep a set routine. Something here this weekend ( an injured elderly parent) has severely thrown my routines out of whack. Now trying to cope.. Very hard!
What makes you think sociopath? ( I briefly considerd this for myself back in 1982/83 but it just never fit. Schizoid a bit better, but I think schizoid people are probably AS/HFA people who made certain adjustments & are content with them).
Broken? Why not take a page from the Blind/deaf world? You have challenges. That is my strategy. Its moderately working at my age..

Sincerely,
Matthew
PS. I have several medical challenges, Crohn's Disease, Osteoarthritis, etc. also..

Did this psychologist consider how somebody might feel after getting this "bad news"? Maybe its not really bad, that is why I used quotes. I have been told something like that and then had to go to work, that is a bad scene. He/she should have kept you in the office and told what people here are telling you. Its just like a doctor telling a patient they have cancer and then the patient has to go to work. Unfortunately, oncologists are known to do that.

I don't know if I am getting this across right but it seems that a lot of these people do not have any follow up for their dianosis.

Oh man. It sounds like you're having a meltdown. I can relate.

During a meltdown, you have very few priorities. They are:
1. Not to harm yourself or other living beings
2. Not to damage property
3. Not have the police called on you.
In that order, too.

I think, over time, you will learn to cope with stress. Now is not a good time to learn anything, though.

The one thing I want you take away from my post is go easy on yourself.