how do i tell her i may have AS?

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i've been trying to figure out how to do this since the first 5 replies to my 1st post(am i autistic, or just weird?!)and i cant. the more i think about it the more nervous i become. everytime i come close to telling my mom i panic get dizzy and go "never mind!! !" or "i forgot". maybe she'll yell at me(i REALLY cant handle the yelling...)or ignore me, or say its hypocondria like everything else...i mean, it wouldnt be that hard to believe, considering teachers have been wondering if im HFA(which i now know what is thanks to WP) and relatives and friends are constantaly asking "whats wrong with her?"(while im within earshot!) but maybe she'll just say, as usual, that i'm being weird and should try harder, and like/do more teenage things, and act my age sometimes...im scared, and im at a loss.

Mmm... I had the same problem as a teenager too. At age sixteen (1994) a school counsellor first mentioned AS to me. But I said "Don't tell Mum" because I was afraid of her reaction. But quite a few years later -- I don't know, she must have seen a video or read a book or something -- she figured it out herself.

If you keep this a secret from your parents, trust me. It's HARD. Perhaps see how she reacts if you treat it like an intellectual "interest". If SHE is the one who sees the similarities in you, then she's got no reason to yell.

but she yells so much over simple stuff and she ne-ver listens. and i know she at LEAST knows what autism is because her best friends daughter has it! shes way worse then I am, she'll never belive me...she'll probably even laugh. as for sayimg its an interest, thats out of the question. i cant take the funny looks ,and the sarcasm i never get ,anymore. i may cry and never stop(pathetic, i know, but thats how she makes me feel lately.)

brah, ur ma will want to know so she can help you. i know its hard i mean i have to see a councellour to deal with my problems and i still find life hard. but let me tell ya somate that is true but a bit cheesy. ya ma is ur best mate. she gave birth to ya. she raised ya and she helped ya. the least ya can do is talk to her. dont dismiss it, if theres a problem confront it head on and find out as much as possible. then once you talked to her its a burden shared. you can even share your feelings here. i mean i find a lot of things hard to do and some things ill tell my ma others i wont ill just think on it. talk to the councellour and thats it. you will be ok brah. listen to ping-machine she knows more than i do how it feels to be diagnosed as a teenager. i was diagnosed as a child. dont worry though brah. good luck.

brother devil.

I am 43 and feel the exact same way.I have such horrible memories of my mother yelling at me,telling me to stop acting so weird,that I still fear this reaction.I told me parents by email a month ago and they never responded.I just sent another email with the info on the CNN site that Steve K posted to give them some understanding of it.Even though I have the professional DX,I still wrote that I wasnt sure I"I believed" it,in part because I fear her ridicule.

Since you seem to have the same issue of breaking down in tears when stressed(and this is stressful),perhaps you can write something instead.Let her know what traits you see in yourself based on the psych manuel.Wheither she decides to believe you is up to her.She maybe afraid to admit it even to herself.Parents dont want to believe there is anything wrong with us that cant be fixed by us "trying a little harder".

I wish you luck.I will let you know what my mom says ,if she bothers responding.Please let us know how it goes for you.You always have our support.

Blackcat,

I have the SAME problem. Check out the "CNN gets it right" thread I started. Does that sound familiar? I think YOU are a perfect fit also. It has the idea about the social behaviour, sense skewing, stims, and it puts it in almost a positive light. And it is SHORT!

Read it through. If you agree, maybe you could point your mother to it. THEN she could understand you better.

I've been toying with pointing my father to it. Then again, as far as HE is concerned, I am just smart and shy. So much other stuff I tolerate or its subtle. His memories of how I talked are skewed, although I think he does remember the large vocabulary. OH YEAH, he probably remembers the "obsessions", etc...

MAN, you are SO lucky! When I was in your position, research on things like this was so relatively complicated. And, obviously, Aspergers hadn't been publicly acknowledged, etc... It wasn't even officially recognized by the US as a valid diagnoses until 1996.

I made SO many decisions based on false assumptions, etc... Heck, seeing how some here live, I might even have been tempted to live more simply.

Anyway, you have a better idea of things. I DO remember how cafeterias affected me. I just didn't eat there much. Even restaurants often do. HECK, it seems like they always get noisier a few minutes into a conversation. That was part of the reason I thought my lack of exposure was creating some of my "shyness".

Just yesterday, I remembered two more differences.

1. I always like at least one seat between me and strangers. I will usually just stand if I don't find one close to the gate at the airport. I CAN tolerate people that sut closer. Heck, on the plane I usualy have to. I just REALLY don't want to.
2. I really DON'T like much change. Yesterday, they game me a much larger "car" at the rental place, and they did NOT understand why I wanted a smaller one, because "This one costs the same". I like a comfortable difference, and it is harder if the "car" is 3 times the size! Most people would have been HAPPY though!

NOW, all the stuff FITS!

Steve

Maybe you could print out some info first and just let her read it, and not say anything at first. Everything described me so well it was hard not to make the connection...

Fortunately, my wife knew before we even started dating.

Neither of my parents believe me, which is kind of amusing. My dad is pretty much an aspie himself... but my mom was a special ed teacher. She's worked with kids who have it much worse than I do, so she doesn't see the milder affliction.

I have no plans to mention it to my parents, whether or not I get a diagnosis. My mother would ridicule me and my dad might just realise that he is AS, which I think he doesn't need to know at nearly 70!

For me the issue is that my mum knows about AS - she's a teacher and has done courses on it - she's never brought it up, and I've always been worried enough not to do it. She's always tried to reassure me that I'm not actually different, so I think she thinks it's best not to bring it up, especially as I'm not having any special problems.

i would try and tell your mom over a meal, like dinner... i can't tell you how to make it easier. but i can tell you once you have told her, you will be glad you did and you will definetely feel very very happy, it may make things that stress you now that could be because of symptoms alot easier to deal with because your mom will know how to properly approach them and may be able to help you learn how to approach them too. if it is getting bad enough, you can just pass her a note with something on it about your speculated autism. good luck

You might be suprised! My husband had his autism 'diagnosed' years ago, and lived in denial. Then when our daughter was diagnosed he had to face the truth. I had worked it out when I went looking at ASD and found Aspergers - It finally explained so much about him!! !! !! !! ! Now we can talk openly about it.

Besides the 'what did I do to cause this?' issue she will go through (and you can assure her it had nothing to do with her), you might find she gets the same response as we got when our daughter was diagnosed. Now we know what is wrong, we can find out how to help and we know it wasn't our fault - Life is so much better at home now!! !

Isabel has a very DEFINITE point!! !! My mother NEVER listened about how she treated me, etc..., but if I was diagnosed with AS 30 years ago, maybe she could have thought WOW! I mean she could have listened to me more! Maybe I would have gotten a nudge in the direction I wanted to go! Maybe I wouldn't have had the cigarettes and formaldehyde to contend with. I could have been smarter, stronger, had a better life, etc....

The sick part is it would have been better for her also. I DID read the NTs guide to AS to her, and she WAS shocked at how it applied to me, etc... But, at her advanced age, she won't even consider that my distance, etc... has something to do with it. I even mentioned how she sounds like one mother here that spoke of HER son!

Steve

I have the same problem... my parents both are distant from me (which is apparently the usual state for teenagers and their parents). im going to try and go to see people in a clinic for children and youths, as i want to be able to back up what im trying to say about myself, if that makes any sense- my parents know i can be a little obsessive

my dad does know ive been looking into things about AS though.

good luck, and anyone who says your parents will understand is right- i think my rents will understand, but am just too nervous to bring it up in conversation

Amanda xx

Blackcat,

I don't think you ever told us how this turned out. MAN, if even your TEACHERS were wondering if you had HFA, she should be MORE than willing to accept it. And AS DOES sound different, and is perhaps a bit nicer than HFA. Besides, your "symptoms" sound so profound that if I were your father, I would be RELIEVED at the diagnoses! shoot, I think you were the one that complained about headaches, etc...

You'll probably get over the stuttering, and find a way to reduce te noise, etc... And have to carry a stick to beat the boys off with.

I STILL haven't told my father.

Steve