Do I have no empathy?

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I just can't feel sad for other people. I don't know why, I didn't even cry when my mother died( doesn't mean I didn't care for her, she was a lovely women). I don't cry at sad movies, I don't feel bad for other's problems either. I don't know why, I feel like I lack this emotional feeling that I'm meant to feel about these type of situations.

I approach things in a realistic way as they are;however I don't really see life as realistic more like a game? So, what I mean by this is that I'll apply solution instead of emotion.

Another weird thing with me is that I can feel the other person's pain but I won't cry, I can't cry. I don't feel sad, I understand them but I won't react and join in.

Is this a typical ASD trait?

I sometimes even laugh at sad things.

Something tragic is going on with my family now, and now they're beginning to see what ASD is. My approach to the subject is very cut and dry - when a person dies, use cremation because it's cheaper. Yeah, they see me as being callous and cold, but that's the aspie in me - no emotion, no crying, just practical solution. The end.

Donating the body is even cheaper, as far as I know.

I feel empathy only if I have experienced what the other person is going through. Even then, I don't think it's because I feel bad for the other person, but because I'm reliving it myself. Otherwise, I don't really relate or truly care (though I've learned that social conventions require me to pretend to) when it comes to other people's issues.

Being able to feel and/or understand another person's pain or other emotion is the definition of empathy. So yes, you are capable of empathy.

People often confuse empathy with sympathy (to feel with another) and compassion (to have the desire to help the other). Empathy is a pre-requisite for sympathy and compassion, but doesn't necessarily lead to it.

Whether it's a 'typical' ASD trait, I don't know. I have a lot of questions at the moment about the current explanations of autism and wonder if we aren't overlooking something (like: perhaps you don't feel anything because it is too overwhelming and you've taught yourself to shut those powerful feelings out to protect yourself).

Super interesting. I do find some of the official explanations very old fashioned or wrong. But I have not enough experience to put my finger on all the fallacies.

This made me laugh because I remember as a kid saying to my mother: "wouldn't it be easier just to throw the bodies away instead of having a funeral?"

I have absolutely no compassion for people who have bad things happen to them because they chose a path they knew would be bad in the end.

Eg: when my cousin's husband left her abruptly to have a child and marry another woman and stole their joint savings, after 20 years before she had chosen him for his socioeconomic status and looks rather than his intelligence or his moral values (both of which he lacked) - everyone was sad for her and I was snorting and rolling my eyes in scorn.

I am cabable of feeling empathy. I think I have even experienced moments of hyperempathy.

I am convinced that all people with aspergers feel empathy. We just don't know what to do with it or how to respond. I even think that people with aspergers and other forms of autism actually feel more than NT's. We are just overly sensitive to all kinds of different stimuli, including emotions. When we are overcome by emotions we automatically tend to protect ourselves from thatand the result is that we think we don't feel anything at all anymore. That is not something we do at will. It's a subconsious process.

Last edited by pokerface on 28 Sep 2012, 7:17 am, edited 1 time in total.

I have it close to none at all (maybe but for fictional characters - a bit). My cousin for the last 3 years was undergoing a VERY tempestuous divorce and I didn't care for her, though if only I could, I would want it to never have happened, but well, if it already did, I let myself watch this like some sort of fascinating soap opera. I never cried for anyone, not that I didn't care for those people who died, but it just was like that. I never ever missed them, ever for just one short, fleeting moment.

This is exactly how it is for me; I don't feel bad about someone else's problem unless I've experienced it myself, and even then, I'm only feeling bad because I'm reliving my own experience. I can't even imagine what it's like to feel bad for somebody else regarding something I've never experienced.

This is a really interesting analysis. If you put it this way, what we all seem to be missing is sympathy - the emotional response to another's pain, which when you think about it is kind of the cheapest of the three - people simply give it undue importance. Under your categorization, I would have both empathy and compassion, both of which I think you can teach anyone. Sympathy would likely be a chemical response in the brain, and I probably won't ever feel it.

You can't teach any of the three. Empathy is hard-wired, sympathy is as you say and compassion is a question of the person's character.

What is a horrible mistake and a consequently huge injustice is that people claim you can't have compassion without empathy. In reality, you needn't be able to detect intuitively someone's state of mind in order to care enough to want to ease their pain. To trigger compassion, it's enough if you're informed of their state of mind by someone else or the person themselves. It makes me furious that people think we're uncaring. All we need is to be told the state of mind, and if we're caring people, we'll be compassionate like NTs or more! We.are.not.psychopaths.

OP: If you understand that pain and know that pain then it is empathy. The not feel sad puzzles me because that's how we usually associate empathy.

I'm a hyper empath. It's not a natural ability. I had to learn it. So anyone who says you can't learn it - you are wrong.

I still have moments where practical thinking overwrites empathy. Like blaming people for not thinking better.

Interesting. Especially because for me, I feel other's pain horribly well. I just have trouble expressing it. Or I end up withdrawing to avoid more pain, sometimes even to partial shutdowns.
btw. when bad things happen to people, its not always their fault. That is a callous attitude. You know, I was struck by the way the japanese helped each other during/after the tsunami. There was very little selfishness on display, everyone was working together. For a moment I almost felt hopeful about Homo sapiens sapiens chances for long term survival. Then I look at the tings going on in the USA & just feel sad again...
Some of you, seem to be skirting a bit close to the roots of sociopathy for comfort here! But then its probably just the typical bluntness coming through, something I am totally guilty of, so no judgements implied!

Sincerely,
Matthew

I'm an Aspie and have tons of empathy, and have demonstrated it many times. Although sometimes I'll still be "emotionally dyslexic" and that affects the expected trigger to empathy that others (NT) get yanked w/o a moment's thought.