06 Oct 2012, 11:35 am
Yesterday they let me experience once again, after all of the summer in which I have definitively reached the very edge, what it's like to take company for granted. To be able to talk to someone other than oneself... I mean, I'm usually anxious to talk to strangers anyway (though I'm sure I could get used to some people if only I had a similar chance) - yesterday I still managed to speak to someone due to valium and tiredness. Otherwise, my problem is obvious: after 1980 hours of loneliness how could I not feel afraid of connecting to anyone again?
Today, though... holy mother of a hundred goats, depression like an avalanche. It's not fair... yesterday I had company all day (whether desired or not) and today it's as if the state mandated that I'm isolated. 
I'm seriously considering either becoming an alcoholic or just freely indulging in valium... because this is just unbearable. I've been trying to do things I like to do and am just unable to... even when I'm slightly inspired to read something that was once of interest, I feel no interest, I feel no life.
06 Oct 2012, 1:33 pm
Today, though... holy mother of a hundred goats, depression like an avalanche. It's not fair... yesterday I had company all day (whether desired or not) and today it's as if the state mandated that I'm isolated.
I'm seriously considering either becoming an alcoholic or just freely indulging in valium... because this is just unbearable. I've been trying to do things I like to do and am just unable to... even when I'm slightly inspired to read something that was once of interest, I feel no interest, I feel no life.
I've been down that road before, although I have no substance in which to use extensively (I don't believe in medicines that are not necessary to save my life, although I will take an herbal alternative because it's natural). My advice (and I know advice seems like it's always there, and sometimes I know, you don't want to hear it, I'm the same way) is to think about it, before turning to a substance to heal the pain. At some point you could easily become addicted to said substance, and then there's really no turning back (not easily anyway), and that's not where you want to be. Please, take that into consideration before acting on anything, ok?
There's always a solution
just hang in there.
06 Oct 2012, 4:36 pm
06 Oct 2012, 5:32 pm
It may not seem like it now, but there will be a break in the clouds, nothing can remain in the dark without some refuge here and there.
Just curious, have you thought about starting a youtube channel? Some people use youtube to make videos just to get stuff off of their minds. Sometimes people even post comments on videos about stuff like that.
I'm thinking it might help if you posted a video where you talked about loneliness and how you feel about it. It may not help the loneliness go away, but it may change how you perceive it for the better. And who knows, you might even meet someone who can relate to it.
I use youtube to stave off loneliness, as well as other things, as well. My channel isn't popular, but it does help.
Might work for you as well 
06 Oct 2012, 6:56 pm
06 Oct 2012, 7:13 pm
With youtube, if you have a computer mic you can record, edit, and place a seperate video (that's not of you) with it using a video editor. That way no-one sees you (I do this for most of my videos).
With what youtube could bring that WP can't, I'm not really sure, but I know for me, it brings a sense of individualistic touch to how I convey the information. With here on WP it seems like everything is just a slew of information that is from lots of people at once and it's more like casual conversation, whereas on youtube, it's based on channels, so it's more personal and it's more like a video log (if you do it that way).
Perhaps you could do both? (have a youtube channel where you can talk physically, and a blog to reference to for daily activies)
Just a thought
In the end it's really more about what sounds like it would help you manage the loneliness more. What else have you given thought to doing like that? (I find that doing a pro's/cons list helps as well)
06 Oct 2012, 10:47 pm
I mostly don't think of using such media to alleviate loneliness... with youtube it's mostly a one-way connection (I've been watching Terence McKenna's speeches e.g. - I felt a connection, but I don't suppose it did anything for him in his grave). I mostly think things like WP and yt could be useful to convey information and ideas... and I would like that (I'm, in fact, always trying to improve the way I express my thoughts and for the last year or so I keep a notebook close by).
Ultimately, I'm not sure the Internet can help with anything other than the transmission of information (its original intention) and communication... somehow we can't seem to not have to use pheromones every once in a while. 
But yeah, I'm considering yt if only I can learn a bit about video editing...
07 Oct 2012, 2:00 am
Ultimately, I'm not sure the Internet can help with anything other than the transmission of information (its original intention) and communication... somehow we can't seem to not have to use pheromones every once in a while.
But yeah, I'm considering yt if only I can learn a bit about video editing...
Indeed, at times, contact simply must be made, I imagine that's a survival thing that the brain does from time to time. Whenever I feel the need to, I usually write short stories that fit my mood. Although sometimes, for whatever reason, I can't write anything properly, like the words are strained and restricted.
Video editing is fairly easy with the right editor (I use videopad), it's just a matter of what video you want to use, or what content and how long (and of course, plenty of practice makes perfect). Like right now, I'm actually working on one, getting ready to record some video for it so I can get it done. I mainly just play my games and use that, it's only visual filler anyway lol.
Getting the volume levels and fades just right probably takes the longest (at least, for me).
