Reactions around NT's during intense moments

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Joined: 26 May 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 17

07 Oct 2012, 9:34 am

I'm an NT in love with a very sweet, soft-natured guy who I strongly suspect has AS.

Have any of you Aspie men experienced any weird/abnormal physical reactions in intense situations?
On two occasions (both in a work environment) when I was alone with the guy and there was an intense moment, his reaction was bizarre! The first time he punched me in the stomach, fortunately not too hard but enough to hurt and the second time he grabbed me by the back of my neck and threw me forward, while still standing thank goodness.

Both these reactions obviously took me by surprise.

Is this perhaps also an AS trait?

antifeministfrills
Pileated woodpecker

Joined: 12 Aug 2012
Age: 29
Gender: Female
Posts: 191

07 Oct 2012, 9:43 am

He's 'soft-natured' but he punched you in the stomach? Honestly, I'd keep away from him.

muff
Toucan
Toucan

Joined: 22 Sep 2012
Gender: Male
Posts: 289

07 Oct 2012, 9:46 am

antifeministfrills wrote:

He's 'soft-natured' but he punched you in the stomach? Honestly, I'd keep away from him.

which is a normal reaction to what OP is saying is an abnormal reaction. what is the nature of this work environment? What is so intense about it?

Tyazii
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

Joined: 28 Dec 2011
Age: 30
Gender: Male
Posts: 65

07 Oct 2012, 9:48 am

MuffinWoman wrote:

By "strange" I thought you would have meant something more subtle...I could imagine how my reaction would seem "strange" as I wouldn't have the slightest idea what to do (lol). But I wouldn't ever lose complete control and, essentially, assault a woman (at least, that's what your description of the "intense moment" sounds like).

antifeministfrills
Pileated woodpecker

Joined: 12 Aug 2012
Age: 29
Gender: Female
Posts: 191

07 Oct 2012, 9:53 am

Tyazii wrote:

MuffinWoman wrote:

Yup, that's abusive behaviour and regardless of whether he has AS, he needs to be told that it's not ok and to work on it so he isn't traumatizing and causing physical harm to people.

MuffinWoman
Butterfly

Joined: 26 May 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 17

07 Oct 2012, 9:55 am

We really like each other, so by intense I mean a physically "intense" moment, where we're staring into each others eyes, but know that we can't really do anything...

antifeministfrills
Pileated woodpecker

Joined: 12 Aug 2012
Age: 29
Gender: Female
Posts: 191

07 Oct 2012, 9:55 am

And he's in his forties? How the f**k has no one called him out on his misconduct yet?

MuffinWoman
Butterfly

Joined: 26 May 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 17

07 Oct 2012, 9:56 am

antifeministfrills wrote:

He's 'soft-natured' but he punched you in the stomach? Honestly, I'd keep away from him.

As odd as it may sound, he is such a gentleman and very soft-natured hence my surprise and question.

antifeministfrills
Pileated woodpecker

Joined: 12 Aug 2012
Age: 29
Gender: Female
Posts: 191

07 Oct 2012, 9:57 am

MuffinWoman wrote:

antifeministfrills wrote:

He's 'soft-natured' but he punched you in the stomach? Honestly, I'd keep away from him.

As odd as it may sound, he is such a gentleman and very soft-natured hence my surprise and question.

It didn't occur to you to ask him why he had just assaulted you?

MuffinWoman
Butterfly

Joined: 26 May 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 17

07 Oct 2012, 10:03 am

antifeministfrills wrote:

MuffinWoman wrote:

antifeministfrills wrote:

He's 'soft-natured' but he punched you in the stomach? Honestly, I'd keep away from him.

As odd as it may sound, he is such a gentleman and very soft-natured hence my surprise and question.

It didn't occur to you to ask him why he had just assaulted you?

I suspected at the time that he had AS and I wasn't sure if his reaction was one of "Oh crap, I'm alone with this woman and I have all these emotions, what do I do?"
And figured that what his gut reaction. The reason I am asking this now is to ascertain whether or not this is part of AS before I broach the subject with him.

antifeministfrills
Pileated woodpecker

Joined: 12 Aug 2012
Age: 29
Gender: Female
Posts: 191

07 Oct 2012, 10:08 am

MuffinWoman wrote:

antifeministfrills wrote:

MuffinWoman wrote:

antifeministfrills wrote:

He's 'soft-natured' but he punched you in the stomach? Honestly, I'd keep away from him.

As odd as it may sound, he is such a gentleman and very soft-natured hence my surprise and question.

It didn't occur to you to ask him why he had just assaulted you?

But if you were in a relationship with him surely there would be a lot of emotional moments, leading to you being on the receiving end of a lot of unwanted physical contact? It's not your job to come into his life and make him realize that he has a problem. What about other people (especially women) at work? Have they experienced unwanted physical contact from him?

MuffinWoman
Butterfly

Joined: 26 May 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 17

07 Oct 2012, 10:14 am

I am not in a relationship with him, but we're in love with each other and have been for a while. People who work with and socialise with him adore him and have told me that he would make a great partner so this doesn't add up. Not sure if I'm adding a level of intensity that he doesn't know how to handle.

antifeministfrills
Pileated woodpecker

Joined: 12 Aug 2012
Age: 29
Gender: Female
Posts: 191

07 Oct 2012, 10:16 am

Yeah, I meant hypothetically, since presumably you want to advance to a relationship.

antifeministfrills
Pileated woodpecker

Joined: 12 Aug 2012
Age: 29
Gender: Female
Posts: 191

07 Oct 2012, 10:18 am

What makes you think he has AS? It's kind of dodgy how you've got your mind set on the idea that he has based on observing him; are you a psychologist?

MuffinWoman
Butterfly

Joined: 26 May 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 17

07 Oct 2012, 10:26 am

antifeministfrills wrote:

What makes you think he has AS? It's kind of dodgy how you've got your mind set on the idea that he has based on observing him; are you a psychologist?

Since getting to know him about two years ago, things just didn't add up and I couldn't put my finger on it. My friend, who is a psychologist, suggested the possibility and I read about it. He has so many aspie traits including OCD, sensitivity to colours and light, not understanding humour (that was quite an obvious one) and many more...
When he spoke to me in third person, yep, that pretty much sealed it for me...
I could be wrong though...

Tyazii
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

Joined: 28 Dec 2011
Age: 30
Gender: Male
Posts: 65

07 Oct 2012, 10:32 am

Excuse me if I am incorrect, but there is a troll-like quality about the statements: "We are in love", "We are not in a relationship", "He randomly becomes intense and does unpredictable things" and "I suspect he has AS so I expediently registered on the first Autism forum I could find in a google search".

If, however, you're not a troll, excuse my presumptuousness.

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