Does it Offend You When You Are Offered Assistance?

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Civ001
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05 Oct 2012, 4:06 pm

Whenever I do not want assistance for a class or something I would often feel very humiliated by my class peers who help me even though I think I can do the work on my own. I know that they are trying to help me but I feel like they think I am dumb or I am unable to do the work on my own. A situation with this was while I was in cooking class. My group thought I couldn't handle getting the supplies so they had to send someone up with me.



gretchyn
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05 Oct 2012, 4:11 pm

It makes sense to be frustrated about it, but it's not fair to be offended by people who are trying to help (depending on the context, of course). Have you told them that you're capable of completing the task? Have you proven yourself capable? If you can answer yes to both, then maybe you should be offended. If not, then perhaps you should accept the help, despite the frustration.



eric76
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05 Oct 2012, 4:19 pm

While not school related, when I see someone stopped on the side of the road, I usually stop to see if they need assistance.

Noone has ever gotten upset about it, but it does surprise a lot of people.



emimeni
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05 Oct 2012, 7:02 pm

gretchyn wrote:
It makes sense to be frustrated about it, but it's not fair to be offended by people who are trying to help (depending on the context, of course). Have you told them that you're capable of completing the task? Have you proven yourself capable? If you can answer yes to both, then maybe you should be offended. If not, then perhaps you should accept the help, despite the frustration.


I got into the habit of telling people I could do it myself as a tween/teen. One of the many reason why I'm (justifiably) considerably independent.

Of course, I wasn't given the chance to prove myself capable, anyways. :roll:


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AutisticBelle
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05 Oct 2012, 7:10 pm

Yeah, I hate it when that happens. What I hate even more is when I actually need help for things other people think of as simple. :(



JockGitJnr
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05 Oct 2012, 8:02 pm

I hate other people doing things for me; I have no idea why though. I like to do everything myself and if anyone intrudes on that, even a little bit, I am usually defensive and tell them "Please don't help me, I can do it myself". The normally get annoyed at me because they think they are being helpful, but I just don't like it. There are some things that I can't stand having done for me and I have to start again. Making a cup of tea, for example. I need to make a cup of tea myself or I, either think or physically find it disgusting so I can't drink it.

As for your problem the best advice I can give you, is to talk to your teacher and say that you don't wish to have help with whatever problem they think you are having, but, at the same time, don't feel that asking for help is a form of weakness; Everyone needs it at some point in there life. If you feel like you are struggling with something the ask someone to help you.


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MrObvious
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05 Oct 2012, 8:35 pm

This can go a lot of ways but I think it depends on the situation. If you are having problems with carrying your groceries in and need a door held, I'm dang appreciative for the assistance. If someone is offering to help me do something I already know, I get a little offended because they think a little faster at it or get it better and I am trying to learn it. IDK. For me it is a matter of do I need assistance vs. my pride.



LtlPinkCoupe
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05 Oct 2012, 11:17 pm

I'm not necessarily "offended" by it; I realize that people only want to help when they offer it to me. However, if I don't need help, I just tell them politely, "Thanks, but I think I'm good." :D


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Callista
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06 Oct 2012, 1:37 am

If they think you need it, and you don't, just tell them you can do it yourself. If they don't back off, give them a really dirty look and tell them to butt out and let you do your own work.


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equestriatola
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06 Oct 2012, 3:05 am

Not at all, but it really depends on the circumstances.


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rebbieh
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06 Oct 2012, 3:48 am

I just got offered assistance at uni (a mentor, exams in a quiet room etc). I really need it. Didn't get offended but I might feel a little bit embarrassed/ashamed. Does that make sense?



qwertyuiop1994
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06 Oct 2012, 4:33 am

I used to be offered help in Biology practicals. Eventually they stopped asking (as I said no all the time) now my teacher just lets me be meticulous and finish 20 minutes after everyone else. I get the best results though :) But I didn't feel offended by it just a little "Oh no people are looking at me!" that kind of feeling :)



y-pod
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06 Oct 2012, 8:04 am

I've never been offended by offers of help, even if I didn't need it. Although it doesn't happen much as I didn't look very "obvious". You live in a very nice place with kind people. How exactly did your whole class know about your condition, though?

*I wish I got the diagnosis when I was younger. I could really use a bit of extra time during exams as I wrote very slowly. Exams were nerve-wrecking as in order to finish in time I must know the answers off by heart and write them correctly the first time. There was no time to go over or fix anything later.


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globalwolf2010
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06 Oct 2012, 8:13 am

I was more offended by it in the past, when I was in high school. Now, it would really depend on the kind of help that someone was trying to give. If someone wanted to help me in a way that seemed pretty natural (ie., like something you would do for pretty much anyone) or if they want to help me in an area where they know that I really do struggle, then I'm perfectly okay with that. If someone ever offered to help me with something really basic after learning that I had autism, then I would just assume that they didn't understand the nature of the condition. It would annoy me, sure, but I would know that it wasn't their fault, and I would do whatever I could to try to rectify the situation.



thewhitrbbit
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06 Oct 2012, 11:10 am

Usually people who are offering help are offering it with good intentions.



JRR
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06 Oct 2012, 12:16 pm

Come to think of it, sort of yes. Well, I'm more annoyed, than anything. I can figure most things out, myself. If getting assistance on it is necessary as part of figuring it out, then i'll ask. Hell, I'm even annoyed if someone asks if I'm hungry. I'll eat if I'm hungry! I'll ask if I need assistance. Do you honestly think I'm that un-self-aware that I can't figure that out on my own?

It's worth noting that it's pretty uncommon this happens to me, though.