Are you selfish or manipulative?

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Is this an AS trait?

Embarrassed to say I used to be.

I think many people with AS are often accused of being selfish and manipulative but I don't think they actually are. Being manipulative actually requires a good understanding of the thought processes of others, and a level of theory of mind that many with AS, especially children with AS, may lack to some extent.

As far as being selfish, everyone has needs. The difference between someone with AS and an NT is that, the NT can usually effectively communicate their boundaries and needs to others, and others can empathize with those needs, while people with AS often struggle to communicate their needs and boundaries, and NTs often have a difficult time empathizing with the needs of someone with AS.

For example, most NTs can understand someone needing coffee in the morning but they can't understand someone not being able to wear clothing that they themselves wear regularly.

I'm selfish insofar as i put my own needs over other people's, for instance, if they want to talk about their family lives and relationships or other topics i'm not interested in, I usually ask them to leave me alone since i actually want to be alone. There were some buddies who asked me to hang out with them and I always say no, I don't want to waste my time with these useless things like watching stupid videos. I'm also selfish when I make clear that I don't socialize and will say no to any invitations, no matter what. And I say no if someone wants to borrow something because I've lost plenty of stuff, mainly books and tools, people either never gave back or returned in a damaged condition, thus it's better for me to say no from the beginning and I actually give a flying f**k on how desperately someone thinks they need what I own -- if they need it, they can purchase it. But all in all I think if everybody puts their own needs first, nobody is going to feel left out. And if I don't care about my own needs first, nobody else will do this job for me.

But I'm not even remotely manipulative. This would require too high a degree of involvement with people.

I have been accused of it from time to time and have succeeded in some cases too. However, I succeed by using facts, reason and logic. If I try an appeal to emotion it usually fails. Then again, I don't know if what I am seeing as being manipulative is not just trying to defend my own interests in a healthy and normal way rather than trying to sway others to do my bidding when it is not in their best interest. Usually, I try to balance the needs of all involved.

Yes.

When I know what I want, I try to get it without asking in case I'm told no. Especially when I know I will be told no just because I asked.

Selfish maybe. I tend to judge developments according to their effect on my life. However, I am not manipulative. Would not know how to be.

Yes to both, I get what I want eventually. Even it if takes 50 years.

I couldn't manipulate my way out of a paper bag. I lack the social skills for this.

Erm, I can honestly say no. Okay, maybe I'm egocentric (everyone is to some degree) but manipulative? Hardly. I can't even manipulate a piece of clay.

I tend to be more diplomatic than selfish and I can be manipulative to an extent if I want to be. Not so much controlling of the emotions of others as much as a certain kind of cleverness at using logic and reason to make things turn out the way I want. When I try to use emotion to control a person I usually fail because I lack comprehension of how peoples emotions work.

I think my daughter can come across as selfish, but I don't really think she is. For example, we might be in a kids' museum and I need to get to a toilet in a hurry. I have two medical conditions, which means that this does happen from time to time. So, she has to stop what she's doing and come with me. But, it's very difficult to drag her away from anything she's engrossed in. I end up pleading with her and it appears that she doesn't notice or care that I'm in discomfort. Obviously, me getting to a toilet is more important than her finishing playing with building blocks, so that can appear like selfishness.

As for manipulation, I really don't think she's capable of that. Her head teacher mentioned that, because she's so smart, she can be manipulative. However, I've never felt manipulated by her at all. She can't lie, for a start.

Guilty as charged. Although it's not as bad as it was as a child for me, however.

I am definitely not selfish but I can be manipulative. However, I'm almost certain that this trait was nurtured not natural. I do not have a natural inclination to lie or manipulate but due to the scenario that was my upbringing, I discovered that I'm quite convincing with deception and learned to use that to my advantage as a form of protection. I don't want to deceive or manipulate people but there were circumstances in my life in which I needed to in order to ensure my safety. I'm attempting to break the habit, but I still have psychological wounds to heal and I don't think I'll be able to do away with it completely until I'm confident enough to wear my scars with pride.

I am not selfish by nature, but I can be deceptive and manipulative (like Drebi says) however it was not inborn. It was a skill I had to learn to deal with negative circumstances "more successfully". I hate doing it, even now. It's exhausting and it worries me. I see it as a character flaw, but I'm still here and that's better than the alternative.
I am a firm believer in "Do unto others as you would have others do unto you", only sometimes people do unto you what you would never dream of doing unto them.

Some people with aspergers or autism can be selfish. i.e. only thinking about themselves;however others could be like me and appear selfish because sometimes they're are spaced out.

Yes, people with aspergers can be manipulative and it isn't really a case of theory of mind.

For example, how does a baby get its mother's attention? By screaming of course. Therefore the child is manipulating their mother for his own purposes by screaming. Usually, people who find this works at home or family life become manipulative.

( I'm not saying this specific example makes you manipulative, I'm talking about how people can become manipulative).

Keep in mind that some people try to make you feel like you are selfish and to make you feel very guilty about it if they want you to give them something that is yours.

My mother died last year and left me a life estate to live in the family house. It's really a big house, much bigger than I need, but I do need a place to live. I have been living in my office and that isn't much fun.

One of my nephews wants to move in and is trying everything he can to make me feel guilty about living in that big house by myself so that he can move in instead. I'm really getting pissed off now because he has his kids working on me as well.