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trouble modifying tone of voice

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tensionheadache
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12 Oct 2012, 9:31 pm

one of the biggest causes of arguments between me and my partner is my tone of voice. it is usually flat and does not really modulate well. when it does, I often do not recognize it. so I will answer a question from my partner and he will get upset and tell me not to snap at him, even though I wasn't aware that I was snapping. this has also been a problem with my parents when I was younger. I just do not hear tones of voices. I know people with aspergers have problems hearing/interpreting tone of voice in others (which is a problem for me as well) but does anyone have problems hearing their own tone of voice, or even recognizing that you're speaking with a tone at all? it almost feels like there is a disconnect between the part of my brain that controls my speaking and the rest of me, as if I have no way to control or even know what it is doing.



alpineglow
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12 Oct 2012, 11:37 pm

tensionheadache wrote:
one of the biggest causes of arguments between me and my partner is my tone of voice. it is usually flat and does not really modulate well. when it does, I often do not recognize it. so I will answer a question from my partner and he will get upset and tell me not to snap at him, even though I wasn't aware that I was snapping. this has also been a problem with my parents when I was younger. I just do not hear tones of voices. I know people with aspergers have problems hearing/interpreting tone of voice in others (which is a problem for me as well) but does anyone have problems hearing their own tone of voice, or even recognizing that you're speaking with a tone at all? it almost feels like there is a disconnect between the part of my brain that controls my speaking and the rest of me, as if I have no way to control or even know what it is doing.

Yes, i have very little ability to know what I sound like or control my tone properly. When I try, I sound weird, Ive been told. My kids repeatedly try to teach me I say things wrong. Luckily they know no harm is meant on my part.



Dan_Vincze
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13 Oct 2012, 12:27 am

tensionheadache wrote:
one of the biggest causes of arguments between me and my partner is my tone of voice. it is usually flat and does not really modulate well. when it does, I often do not recognize it. so I will answer a question from my partner and he will get upset and tell me not to snap at him, even though I wasn't aware that I was snapping. this has also been a problem with my parents when I was younger. I just do not hear tones of voices. I know people with aspergers have problems hearing/interpreting tone of voice in others (which is a problem for me as well) but does anyone have problems hearing their own tone of voice, or even recognizing that you're speaking with a tone at all? it almost feels like there is a disconnect between the part of my brain that controls my speaking and the rest of me, as if I have no way to control or even know what it is doing.


I wouldn't be surprised if other Aspies had the same problem. You might want to see if there's a good speech therapist in your area with experience working with HFA/Asperger's patients. One caveat: therapy of any kind can be expensive, and your insurance company (if you have one) likely won't want to pay for it.



akinthemiddle
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13 Oct 2012, 3:06 am

8O I literally was about to post about this....I have extremely horrible trouble with tone of voice. I hear my voice as flat monotone most of the time but I guess I tend to get a little loud sounding when I'm excited, upset, angry, or just trying to figure things out like I'm raising my voice or using tones that make it seem like I'm trying to make someone feel stupid/wrong, etc. And I'm completely unaware of it all and I get so confused when someone starts yelling at me about how I have no sense of tone and that I'm being a jerk and need to apologize for it.



Hiddencreations
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13 Oct 2012, 9:42 am

I don't know how my voice comes across, I have a feeling it comes across montonish and my volume is very low, mainly because at meetings that I lead I think my voice comes across as disinterested in what I'm saying and they get bored easily, I don't know what other people hear (maybe I should record myself...).



gretchyn
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13 Oct 2012, 10:51 am

I have this exact same problem. 8O



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13 Oct 2012, 10:54 am

i have severe problems with this as well, especially when i am stressed.

my family knows this and often remind me of it, as does the friends i spend a lot of times with, though largely he says he has gotten used to most variations.


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Stoek
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13 Oct 2012, 11:04 am

Meh like most aspie problems I don't think your trouble is so much the ability to notice the behavior in others, but it's more likely you aren't aware of your own behavior

Self perception is a major issue we face. Our camera isn't pointed as us, so we have trouble inferring how we appear.


Here's a test pic a favorite movie, write down on paper how you would describe there tone of voice, and why they are doing what they are doing. Than try to picture them doing it flat.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-qR0Uke2XNI

For example this is sparta.

This is madness.

Madness?....

THIS IS SPARTA!! !!.

Than try it Flat toned, you'll see how pointless it is without the tonal qualities.

Once your more able to see your tones I sugguest two getting a tape recorder and listen to how you speak when your saying regular everyday stuff.

How are you.

Whats up man.

Man this sucks.

What do you think about this?

Really?

Figure out the idealized forum, and learn it.