Giving Advice

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The one thing in the world that I have trouble with, is giving the right advice. I tried to give some advice to another member yesterday and it backfired. I also refrain from giving advice in The Haven, because it seems like I'm downplaying the situations of my fellow members. The best I can do is give my Sweet Pea hugs. I've given lousy advice throughout my entire life. There was also one time that I gave a good friend the phone number of a guy who made a move on me at a bus stop, many years ago and told her to phone him, because she wanted a boyfriend.

Does anybody else give the wrong advice?

I think I'll stick to my Sweet Pea hugs and keep from posting in threads about things I have no knowledge about.

Instead of giving direct advice, I'd rather make neutral comments or ask thoughtful questions.

Unless it relates to a topic I'm actually knowledgeable about.

My advice to you is (heh) not to sweat it - people either already know what free advice is worth, or they learn the hard way.

The best advice is to get people to come to the conclusion themselves with open ended questions like the therapists do.

I really wouldn't be so hard on yourself C.R..

However well-meaning the advice being offered, there is always the chance that the recipient will disagree for one reason or another. Does that mean you were wrong to try and help in the first place? - I would say no. I would just try your best not to take it too personally when that happens. As the saying goes: Opinions are like a**eholes...everyone's got one. Meaning that you can bet from time to time they are going to differ. When the opinion relates to AS we are dealing with something very emotive to a lot of people so those opinions and feelings are likely to be even stronger.

Think VIDEODROME had a good point also (as well as an awesome username - what a film!)

Si

I agree with what many here have already said; questions are a good idea. Often, people just want someone to listen. Even if they do want advice, asking questions will allow for better answers.

I've recently been reading about suicide intervention, and one of the first points I came across was that too much advice or lectures will just lead to the person avoiding you, or no longer seeking your help. The most effective strategy is to listen, and be understanding, calm, and direct. I imagine this could apply to human nature in general, not just those in crisis.

How do you know the advice you give doesn't work? Do people tell you? Is your advice typically vague or specific? When asked for advice (which does not happen often) I most likely can't come up with more than some vague guidelines or suggestions.

_________________
Questions are my favourite form of communication

I notice that your advice is often rejected. That must really suck to have your advice be rejected on a consistent basis. Sorry about that.

(edited grammatical mistake)

I think your advice is generally good, Cockney Rebel

I have seen your comments and advice many times over 2 years.... and in certain small areas of interest..... your advice is better than most

But maybe in some broader areas of interest holding ones tongue is a good idea

I think this:

My way of giving advice is to share what has worked for me and what has failed for me. I think it's best to stick to those areas where we have a lot of experience.

I'd like to thank you for all of your responses. I've read them all and agree with all of you.

I agree with what the others have said. And I would advice you to continue posting in those other threads, CockneyRebel. Don't be afraid for advice to be rebuffed or even ignored. When you offer your insights on any given topic or problem, that's all you can do really. The gesture of offering advice to anyone is fine enough on itself. Who knows, you might end up posting something that can be the life-saving thing for them.

So yeah, as Si_82 said, don't be too hard on yourself.

Also, remember that it's solely up to the advisee whether or not to accept the advice...