Mirror21 wrote:
Quote:
Friendships are so hard because no one wants to admit that there are rules, that there are expectations, or that there are conventions for friendship.
What do you guys think of this statement? I have always felt that something of the sort had to be true. And if so, I wonder why it is so hard for people to accept and modify such expectations?
I agree with it, but the rules vary. They vary by the individuals involved in the friendship and what they expect and can tolerate. It's something you have to "feel" out over time. There are also rules of reciprocity. In order to get, you need to give. In male relationships, this is usually a practical matter. For example, a friend of mine was shoveling gravel and another mutual friend was at his house but refused to help the first person. Well, the second person then needed help with fixing their car and the guy who was shoveling gravel refused to help him because he had violated the law of reciprocity. Years later, while never mentioned to the person who violated the rules, it is still brought up in conversations with me as a reason I should be wary of the guy who refused to pick up a shovel (along with other examples of promises broken, help not given). A lot of little issues someone may have with you can be reasoned away by them if you are a person who gives of their time selflessly. This is actually how most of my friendships come about. I offer to help people.
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Uncertain of diagnosis, either ADHD or Aspergers.
Aspie quiz: 143/200 AS, 81/200 NT; AQ 43; "eyes" 17/39, EQ/SQ 21/51 BAPQ: Autistic/BAP- You scored 92 aloof, 111 rigid and 103 pragmatic