suppressing emotions

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I watched part of Equilibrium last night. Pretty good movie.

I found myself wanting to emulate the emotionlessness of the characters and my affect became very flat. It was a nice feeling. I mean, I think that if I could get rid of emotion and stuff them down like Vulcans do while at the same time appreciate beauty and caring for others around me, I'd be doing alright.

Pratice occulmency. Try and be subtle what you say. Try and hide your feelings. Be polite and don't try to be emotionally involved when you are talking. I can't do it but my friend has. I'm an emotional wreck beyond repair.

I appear emotionless because I never show what I'm really feeling to people. It makes me feel too vulnerable. But when I'm alone all the emotion bubbles up and I can become a complete mess. I sometimes wish I could be more expressive with others, but I seem to have lost the ability.

I very often have to partially suppress emotions around people, so I can appear just barely reasonably regulated. I find it exhausting, and often find myself crying when I'm alone.