A really bad behavior, just to fit in.

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A have been doing something since i get into college, im studying an engineering and im very good at science, even though i have adhd and i can barely study, i just seem to see patterns, and all is conected in a way, that i barely have to study, i just need to see that patern, and with all the other things i know i can really learn the topic, but really learn it in a way i just only know.

So well im kinda good at science, in my math classes i always saw them too easy so i never went to classes and sometimes i was almost in the edge of failing, so when i started my calculus 2 and linear algebra, i got a hard teacher, one that was very active so i started going more to classes, participating in class, and i was happy, doing exercises showing him the weird ways i took to solve the problems, and often get compliments by that teacher like "You are wasted genius" or "You are are smarter than me right now, and i finished studying 10 years a go", he said that i was a waste cuz of my asperger and my adhd, i barely go into classes, cuz i cant really concentrate and just get all anxious.

The thing is that some people started to treated me really bad, saying things like i was a "Feet sucking" as referring to me fraternizing with the teacher, and other people started to ask me for me explanations, so the thing comes right now.

One day in class when i was having a meltdown, in this case a disconnect meltdown or a shutdown, when the teacher usually writed a problem he wasnt even finished of writing and i was already answering the question, but that time i was shutdown, and then when he asked the people nobody answered and then asked me, and i was just quietly looking to the board but thinking in i dont know what.., i took me like 5 minutes to leave the shutdown and answer the question, so then when the class got finished.

People that molested me in other days just talked to me, like
" Hey that was a hard one,right"
"I got no idea how to make that one, but if you struggle with that it was a really hard"

So then i started to commit mistakes on purpose on quizzes, and not solving the exercise the proffesor said, losing mid-terms on purpose, saying some things were hard even when for me were the easiest thing on earth.
solving exercise that i could do in 10 seconds, in more than 10 minutes, and sometimes commiting mistakes.

But im now wanting to leave this sh***y behavior cuz all i have win is superficial friends that often laugh about people that are the same way i was before, and i have to laugh about it just to fit in.
I really feel uncomfortable cheating, but they often seek for help in me, i try to convice them that i can study with them before the exam, but in the exam they start to annoying me, and just to assure that i dont get a meltdown in a middle of an exam, or that teacher just saw what is happening, i just help them to make them stop.


So what do you think, should i stop doing this, can anyone feel related to this?.

Sorry the long post, and apologize my bad english.

It is an unfortunate fact that NTs often think that if you have a talent for math, you must be smart; and that if you are smart you will want to use your smarts to make them feel stupid. So your goal is to keep them from believing that you want to make them feel stupid. You don't need to hide your talent to do that.

First tip: Answering questions in class. In general, you should answer no more than one question per class period, unless the class is very small (less than twenty people) and the professor encourages discussion. Ask no more than one question per class period; if you have more questions, you write them down and go to the professor after class or in office hours.

Your grades: You don't have to deliberately mess up a question. Do your best on the quizzes and tests. Just don't tell people that you got a very high grade, unless they ask. If they ask, you can say, "I passed," or "I did well," which doesn't sound too much like bragging, but also isn't a lie. (Don't lie. You're autistic; they'll see straight through it.) Don't tell your friends that you got the highest grade in the class, or got a perfect score, unless they ask directly whether you got a perfect score, or unless the person you are talking to is an academic counselor who is asking specifically about how you are doing in your classes.

Taking less time than other people is probably a by-product of your problem-solving style. You see patterns, so you see all of it at once and fit in the missing piece of the pattern instead of going through steps like most of your classmates do. That's okay; you just think differently. You can wait until other people are turning in their assignments to turn yours in, so that it's not so obvious that you have finished very quickly.

Oh, and: Whatever your teacher says, you are NOT a "waste" because of your Asperger's and ADHD. Yes, you do have to work harder, get help, or do things differently; but disability doesn't mean you can't have talents, and in your case, there is evidently a pretty strong talent with math. Do not let anybody tell you that you can't do what you want with your life because you're autistic. You're the expert on yourself--they don't live in your head and they're probably basing their assumptions on a bunch of stereotypes and half-remembered TV news reports. You're a better judge of what you can do.

I've had that problem with math classes, especially statistics: They're so easy that if I go I know I'll be bored; so I don't go, and despite perfect scores on tests I'll end up with lower grades overall because of low in-class assignment and participation grades. It's really up to you what you want to do about it, whether you're willing to go through the boredom and get the higher grade, or whether you're willing to just do the minimum and get the lower grade. It just depends on how much you care about your transcript. If you're just going for the degree, then your specific grades don't matter near as much; if you're going for graduate school after this, it might matter more.

Have you got a counselor or school disability services department to try to figure out what to do when you shut down during class? Perhaps you could get permission to leave the classroom before things get too bad, take a break and come back when you're focused again. If you can take the tests somewhere by yourself--you have ADHD, so this is a reasonable thing to ask for, a place where you can take tests without being distracted--then you can probably solve the problem of people trying to force you to help them cheat.

I am pretty sure that plenty of people with AS have that experience--unscrupulous peers socially pressuring them to do things that aren't smart, against school rules, or even illegal. It can be hard to deal with when you are autistic, even harder than it is for a neurotypical. Listen to your feelings on the matter--your wanting to stop cheating, knowing this isn't good for you or for them--You know it's not a good idea. You're just looking for a way to stop it. Think of this as a problem to solve; you seem to be good at math problems, so maybe you can see the pattern in this, and find a solution that will get them to stop making you help them cheat.

Wait if by molestation you mean like sexual harassment why are you in the same class as them? Sorry if I misunderstood I just don't see how that can possibly be a good situation. Did you report it I mean that sounds like a rather significant problem and action should probably be taken against these students or at the very least they should allow you options to stay away from those students such as maybe taking that class but at a different time or on a different day.

Besides that obviously purposely doing horribly on your school work is only going to hurt you, and it sounds like some of these superficial 'friends' are more like bullies which in turn only would hurt you as well. I imagine these horrid people aren't the only ones at your school maybe you ought to socialize with different people or join a group in something you like and then maybe you could meet some 'real' people who could potentially become actual friends.

I can somewhat relate. Ever since I was 10, I have tried several methods in order to fit in with my fellow pupils. The first notable one being in Year 6 -- I heard many students making fun of a lunchlady, so one day, I decided to mock her with the only friend I had. Eventually, it drove us into complete trouble, but as my friend was NT, it was slightly easier for him to take in; it was most likely my first time being held in at lunchtime. In all honesty, I felt like absolute s**t.

My second incident dates back to a just a few months ago -- everywhere I looked, people were mocking my History teacher, left and right. So, one day, I decided to make a YouTube video summarizing his "flaws". Now, I actually looked up to this teacher, and initially had NO INTENTIONS of doing such a thing. But, ah... I wanted to "fit in" again. Being the as*holes that most NTs are, my Goddarn Head of House caught wind of said video, and called me up to see him. It did NOT end well; he threw the dreaded "idiot" card at me, and scolded, "Just get out, you piece of s**t!! (Or something to that effect)"

Due to the extra emotional weight being put on by being an adolescent, I felt that I was Goshdarn near on my last strings. You would not BELIEVE the severity of my suicidal thoughts at that time; they were already HIGH ENOUGH. Ughh... Why is life so unfair???

Anyway, that pretty much sums up my stories of going to controversial lengths to fit in with the "popular" children. Hopefully things will start to clear up for me once I reach eighteen (even though I'm already struggling to make it past fifteen).

Um. Wow.

Can I tell you I kind of did the same thing in HS? I realized that being smart was a disadvantage to me socially and I already had problems in the social arena, so I stopped being smart. In middle school, we had teachers who sat us according to our grades (kids with highest in back and lowest in front so that they could "focus" on the kids who needed more help) and I was always in one of the top 3 seats. By the time I finished HS, I had a B average. Not bad, but not nearly what I should have gotten.

If I could turn back the hands of time, I would have not done what I did. I am probably not as gifted as you sound to be, but I think that over many years of neglecting the gifts I do have, they got weaker and weaker and I did this for social gain. The only problem is, not only was social gain not truly possible to me, in the long run it ended up not mattering in the least. Now, in my mid-40's I really don't care about fitting in, being cool, or having a lot of friends. And I think I would have been a lot better off and a lot happier in life if I would have taken the path that was natural to my own wiring and not tried to shut that off in favor of what was more "normal."

After you graduate, you will never see these people again. But you will have to live with your choices for the rest of your life. My vote, and it is based on making the wrong choice, is to stop trying to fit in, and instead learn how to let your genius blossom and flourish. There will be some of less intelligence who will resent you for it, but let them be resentful. In the grand scheme of things, they are nothing to you.

I know it is tough when you are younger and there is such pressure to fit in. I bowed to that pressure and wish I wouldn't have. I did things that are so out of line with my character. So out of line. I hate when I look back and think about it. I wish I would have instead sought out the other nerdy weird kids and made them my social network.

I have very few regrets in life. But this is one. If nothing else, I hope I have encouraged you to think about this more. BTW, I have ADD and am a shadow Aspie. I feel your pain. I lived it, but it was so fleeting in the big scheme of things that I wish I would have just endured it and not squashed the things about me that make me truly me. I wish I would have nurtured myself, oddness and all. I would have been better for it and I honestly believe I would have made better contributions to the world.

The best thing to do would be to just ignore everyone and do your best in your classes. But I understand what you mean because I do exactly the same thing too in order to fit in. It's hard to fit in when you sound like a walking encyclopedia and it's easier to make friends when you don't soud too smart. But after two and a half years of university, I have to say it's a really bad idea. My grades plunged, I could kick myself, and I'm going to have to study extremely hard now to get a gpa good enough for grad school. It becomes an awful habit after a while and it gets so hard to stop.

IT'S NOT WORTH IT. Just stop as soon as you can and don't "dumb" yourself down for others; they certainly won't do that for you. It's not worth sacrificing yor future for friends whom you won't be able to depend on forever.

The people who are forcing you to help them cheat are not even your friends now. If they were your friends, they would care about you, and would not want to get you in trouble. And helping people cheat is some of the worst trouble you can get into at school.

Thanks to all, its nice to know that there are people that understand you even when they havent even see you in real person, i just got oficially diagnosed two months a go, and im starting to let acting the way the people expect me to act, so i think im just going to ignore this people, i know is hard to get annoyed, but hey, sometimes i dont even notice that people is insulting me, but when i go out with them, i have to suck it up all his behavior, and get home and have major meltdowns all the time, especially when i cheat in exams.