Fear that Everyone is out for my money

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lotuspuppy
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14 Oct 2012, 10:16 am

I was just wondering if this is a fear other Aspies have, as it seems to be irrational (or is it?).

One of my biggest fears is that everyone is after my money, or someone else's money. I don't see this as a function of what others are worth so much as I fear that money underlies the basis of many human interactions. I'm reminded of it as the Christmas/Hannukah season approaches, and I feel everyone sees me as a walking dollar sign.

Take my few trips to the mall. Every time I shop there, some preppy little salesperson approaches me and tries to unload their entire inventory. I once went into a cosmetics store to shop for my mother, and the saleswoman sold me on stuff for myself I really didn't need. They are nice cosmetics/bath items, but it was far more painful to spend the money on them than any pleasure I received from my purchases.

Also, the other day, I asked a coworker for a place to get my hair cut. She suggested this salon her friend just opened. I have no idea on the quality of their work, but I do know the salon owner went into massive debt to open her salon. She needs business.

I know plenty of NTs of all income levels who have fears like I do. I also know plenty of NTs at every income level who spend foolishly. For the record, my finances are okay, and I consistently live well below my means. I dress well, which may project that I have more money than I do have. I can probably afford to blow my money on a big purchase if I chose, but I certainly am in no position to support others.

Is this a common fear? Am I letting this fear get in the way of a better social life?



Stoek
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14 Oct 2012, 10:20 am

It's a pretty realistic fear, because they are out for your money.

That's why companies have sales and marketing departments/budgets.

setting up boundries and being consistent is all it takes.



semikaatskillian
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14 Oct 2012, 10:37 am

Of course they're after our money. Not just stores, but colleges, the health care industry, brokers, utilities, school districts, real estate agents, banks, and above all the government -- in fact, just about everybody.



lotuspuppy
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14 Oct 2012, 10:54 am

semikaatskillian wrote:
Of course they're after our money. Not just stores, but colleges, the health care industry, brokers, utilities, school districts, real estate agents, banks, and above all the government -- in fact, just about everybody.


I share your belief, but what threw my belief through the loop is that I had a conversation with a small business owner who appears not to value money. To outsders, she does, and I told her that I saw her as a money grubber. That seemed to hurt her feelings. As I later learned, she genuinely believes she is making the world a better place. I had the chance to see her tax returns, and sure enough, she has made a loss or broke even every year for 20 years, and takes no income from her business. Most of her income comes from contracting work for a state government, and it does not pay that well. She should be retired, but cannot retire because she blew her retirement savings on failed business opportunities. I never met someone more open about their finances before, and it threw me for a loop. Are people motivated by things other than money?



Trencher93
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14 Oct 2012, 11:06 am

Unfortunately, these days everyone is out to get your money. No longer are you a customer, you're a sucker. Businesses can't profit from ever-shrinking margins on what they actually sell, so they have to build sucker lists to upsell to and also sell to others. It's getting so bad that the other day I was asked if I wanted a replacement warranty for a foam telephone shoulder rest. I am not making this up. You are the prey, and prey are fearful if they want to survive. But the Trencher is old and wise, so he is not well liked. Salespeople hate him (no upsell, no warranties). Banks hate him (no debt). He even buys Dover math books.



Moondust
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14 Oct 2012, 11:16 am

Your fear is justified by the fact that you don't have strong enough boundaries, so indeed anyone after your money is a risk for you. If you find yourself often buying out of pressure, you can learn healthier boundaries and so you won't need fear to protect you. I, for one, find the fact that everyone's after my money flattering and a nice game, as I don't have any fear that they may confuse me and I might end up buying what I don't need/want.


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Sweetleaf
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14 Oct 2012, 11:21 am

anyone who is trying to sell you something is likely after your money.


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JRR
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14 Oct 2012, 11:23 am

Let me level it with you: There is enough structure in place so that if you don't indicate to people what you earn and what you spend, then you have absolutely nothing to worry about. Unless you're really being crazy and thinking the bank will "steal" it. Yes, money ebbs and flows in capitalism, and all business is looking for it, but they're never going to have anything without your permission...



redrobin62
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14 Oct 2012, 2:07 pm

It's a good thing I don't have two nickels to rub together.