What manners really is about..

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I found this quote in an article: RCPmag: Minding your microsoft manners

"Manners are a sensitive awareness of the feelings of others. If you have that awareness, you have good manners."
--Etiquette maven and author Emily Post (1873-1960)

Any thoughts on this?

How to apply to social situations?
Women?

Manners are about treating others, more or less, how you'd like to be treated. Presumably in a pleasant manner and demonstrating consideration and gratitude.

I don't believe it's about kowtowing exclusively to the feelings of others. I don't believe it's about holding back one's thoughts simply because others disagree and it makes them upset. Though some people seem to think this way.

Manners are necessary for showing a friendly nature to others, but there are too many accounts where this has been taken way too far. One example is cultural protocol. Often people will implicitly share rules that have no rational substantiation whatsoever and yet it still becomes a hard-wired cultural meme that propagates throughout the whole system.

For instance, in Japan you cannot eat and walk at the same time, yet there doesn't seem to be any logical reason why this rule exists. It just does, and everybody has to put up with it. Swearing is another instance. Why are people so offended by the word f**k? What exactly is it about it that prompts hostility in people when there's no logical reason why it's meant to be offensive?

I think it's more efficient to treat others the way they want to be treated. This is especially true for aspies. And being selective on what thoughts you share may smooth relationships at least in some specific settings.



These cultural manner memes is the area one is glad to be an independent thinker.

What happends if one walk and eat simultaneously as a foreigner in Japan?

The reason for being offended by the f-word is that it's a sexual word. And sex is supposed to private. Thus the word offends the privacy rather than anything else, or portrays a tainted image of the other person. Of course even sexually open minded people will recognize the word as offensive because of the long history of use as a offensive word. Just like google is on the verge of become a verb and thus no longer possible to claim as a brand.

That's the funny thing. Whenever sex is brought up, it doesn't phase me because I acknowledge that it's an essential component of the human life cycle. Therefore I don't understand why such words should be offensive, and I also don't understand why it has to be private, especially when WrongPlanet has its own Adults Only thread board.

It's probably also the same reason why I don't find Ricky Gervais or Two and a Half Men funny.

So if someone is self-righteous, believes themselves your superior, and becomes offended when you don't submit to them, or bow down before them, we should treat them as they want to be treated??

In regards to sharing thoughts, I feel no one has the right to attack or get nasty because they don't like the way your opinion makes them feel, especially if your intent wasn't to cause offense. To me, that behavior is bad manners.

No, I believe there is a decorum and manners is a system by which we should all subscribe. It's not about submitting to the feelings and beliefs of others.

And I think this should especially be true for Aspies.

In some cultures its rude to look into ones eyes when talking,
In other cultures its rude not to look into ones eyes when talking
Even within the same culture exist sub cultures
Where the rules are different
Status and wealth often dictate the etiquettes and manners too...


Often its easy to to express the wrong manners if you are unaware of your neighbourhood and surroundings

However, as we move toward a global community, and everyone in the world is watching TV shows like
'Two and a half men'??....

a uniform culture of manners is becoming more of the norm than the regional manners of the past

I thought we had them so we are good people. I also used them because I was taught them and it was the rule my mother had and my school. But I remember thinking it only applied at home and at school.

Now as an adult I think it's about being polite and treating others the way you like to be treated and being respectful and kind. I still think some are pointless and I was an adult when I finally figured out the logic for keeping your feet in front of you, several people at my old job had nearly tripped over my foot. I had to remember to start keeping them in front of me or close to my chair. Plus it make it hard for the person sitting next to me to get out so I had to remember to keep them in front of me. After being taught in my childhood about it, I still didn't follow it and then decided to in my early 20's after the embarrassing experience so many times at work. I also think manners are used for to impress people and get them to like you and think good of you. Plus it can help you feel good about yourself and seeing other people be grateful for your manners.

As for why is the f word offensive. I was taught as a child it was a bad word and it stuck with me. It doesn't offend me depending on how it's used. But I used to wonder why it's even a bad word. Is it a bad word because it bothers people? If so, then why aren't other words bad that would also bother people like stupid or idiot or moron or dumb? They would only bother people if they were called as such or if any of their items were called as such or things they like. I was even told "god" was a bad word and "crap" and "piss." But I use all those words.

If it's a about a person you just have temporary contact with then it might just be useful to do it for a short while, be it a sales deal or a headhunter. And then avoid them. If it's coworker/partner etc, it's not acceptable. It's all about the choice if the other person is worth it.
And perhaps a ONS might make it worthwhile for the moment

The thing with asperger is that the expectations on what is "natural" differs from those with NT. So one cannot present the "natural" side in some settings. In other cases others just have to deal with ones "natural" side and do the celebrity talk somewhere else