To lose your belief to keep your only two friends..?

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leiselmum
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15 Oct 2012, 11:17 pm

My 15year old daughter made a dvd about alcohol and peer pressure for a health assigment with her only two friends. The two friends dont want to present the dvd and are lying and saying they've lost it, they are embarrassed about the dvd for reasons I dont know.
My daughter won't lie, but doesnt know what to do. Should she lose her health grade because of their embarrassment and also to keep the only two friends she has. The group she is in barely is of 8 people and I feel they are her safety net against being bullied about having aspergers. She is safe in this group.

I have selfish reasons for her not telling the truth about not presenting the dvd to the class and that is the safety of the group.

What sort of a mother am I ? My daughter has experienced being bullied for 17months in primary school. I dont want that for her ever again.



Morningstar
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15 Oct 2012, 11:44 pm

Unless there is something really mortifying in that tape, I don't think her friends would leave her for not being able to lie about it. They will probably get mad, but I don't think they'd ditch her, unless their friendship is already seeing some hard times or they aren't very close.

You are not a terrible mother for wanting to keep your daughter away from bullying. All any parent wants is for their child to feel happy and accepted into the world.



Fatal-Noogie
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16 Oct 2012, 12:01 am

Is the teacher the amiable or sympathetic type?
I suppose your daughter's 'co-producers' are worried about how their peers will react to the DVD if it's screened in class.
If that's the case, maybe you could persuade the teacher to grade the DVD without showing the class.
Then maybe your daughter could convince her friends that this is a fair compromise,
while maintaining the story to their classmates that they lost the DVD.

Meanwhile, I'd calculate the grade/score difference it makes for that class.
If she still passes with a miniscule GPA difference, then maybe it doesn't matter anyway.


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16 Oct 2012, 12:01 am

See if you can talk to her friends, ask them, or get her to ask them why they're embarrassed to show the video, maybe it's something like a particular scene they don't want being seen, it should be easy to cut out or redo, if it's the peer pressure of seeming "uncool" for saying no to drugs and alcohol, the other kids in class ought to know that it's just a school project, a requirement they have little control over that their opinions don't necessarily have to line up with. I wouldn't recommend letting your daughter deliberately fail the project, but at the same time I know how lonely being friendless can be. Also keep in mind, what kind of real friends dump somebody because of one silly school project? Are they even the type of people you want your daughter to be friends with?


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outofplace
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16 Oct 2012, 12:05 am

As a kid, I would have done what was right no matter who I pissed off.


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leiselmum
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16 Oct 2012, 12:06 am

Thanks for your saying so. She is in the group, but is not spontaneous at all, my daughter. The two girls mother her, but are not really close, but they care. My daughter does not talk enough for the real closeness of friends, but I'm happy she is in the group.
They are just embarassed about pretending to be drunk, I'm assuming this, in the dvd, my daughter was the one, that didnt bow to peer pressure. Which now seems ironic.