Got criticised for thinking of other people....

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Although it is believed that Aspies are selfish, but I often believe that I spend half my time worrying about other people. Today my family are making plans to go down to a seaside one Saturday evening, which has loads of rides there what my cousins love to go on. I want to go down with them too and go on the rides, but I can only go on certain rides because I get motion sick on the type of rides that spin around too much, but rides like rollercoasters and waterlogs and gentle rides and walkthrough ones and so on are OK. But now 2 of my cousins can't make it, so only one of my cousins is going. But she loves rides and would want to go on nearly all the rides there, and I've been panicking about her and going, ''but if nobody else goes with us then she won't have anybody to go on some of the rides with, which is no fun on your own, because I wouldn't want to go on rides by myself.'' And my mum was like, ''why are you worrying so much about what she's doing for?'' and I said, ''because I don't like to spoil other people's time. If there was somebody else that went with us, then she'd have someone to go on the rides with.'' I was only putting myself into my cousin's shoes and trying to imagine how she might feel about going on a ride on her own, because I have heard her say before that she don't like going on rides on her own, and I don't blame her.

What am I supposed to do? If I think of myself, I'm being selfish. If I think of others, I'm being fussy. Perhaps (like everything else) I do it the wrong way; I think of myself in situations where I'm supposed to think of other people's feelings, and I think of other people's feelings when I'm not supposed to worry about them and supposed to worry about my time. Does anyone get this?

EDIT:- my mum and her sisters don't like going on any rides, and are just going down to hang about and have something to eat, et cetera. They like the amusement park atmosphere, especially knowing there'd be fireworks because of November the 5th.

This happens to me as well. Probably stemming from a lifetime of people getting angry or upset about every well-intentioned thing I do, I have developed almost a neurosis about considering how what I do will affect other people. Because most people tend to react to things differently than I would, it takes a lot of extra time and effort trying to imagine how they would feel about any given action, comment, situation, or what have you, and I often end up asking a lot of questions trying to determine the best course of action. In the end, this starts to annoy people, who think that the answers to these questions (and in fact my final decision) are "common sense" and I'm just being intentionally irritating.

On the other hand, if I don't take these measures, I inevitably do something terribly inappropriate or inconsiderate, which people don't like.

Don't know what the solution is, beyond educating everyone around you, which is nearly impossible. I think it's just one of those things we have to live with.

When these types of interactions occur it leaves me afterward wanting to spell out my every intention to the point of pushing back a bit; "okay I think I'm going to get up now, okay I thought I might eat something, now I'm going to go to the bathroom, thought you'd might like to know". The only other option is to go through life with the idea that "better to ask for forgiveness than permission". It's tough to detect whether someone truly appreciates our kind of thoughtfulness when the recipient may decide you were supposed to zig where they normally zag

I have gotten it before. I was told to butt out or that it's their problem, not mine. I have also thought of other people only to be told I only think of myself. I have learned to ignore it. I also remember back in high school, I would ask others what is wrong and all only to be told to not worry about it or that it's none of my business. Then I started to just ignore them and pretend I don't notice anything is wrong and then to be accused later on I only think of myself and only care about myself. So I pointed it out to them and then they told me to just drop it and never mind. My mother thought I did the right thing by calling them out on their BS and my shrink just thought I was being defensive. But yet when kids would see me upset and ask me what was wrong, I wouldn't tell them to mind their own business and butt out. But yet it was okay for them to do it but not me because I wasn't doing it right according to my shrink and I just choose to answer them. I wasn't their friends nor were these kids mine and he was telling me its against the social rules to ask someone what is wrong if they are not your friend but others do it to me as well. I guess they were breaking a social rule too.

Well it seems that NTs are allowed to break social rules to Aspies, but Aspies can never get away with breaking any social rules to anyone. It's a bit like the other day when I heard a group of people moaning about cats poohing in their gardens, and then saying that dogs can do no wrong - even though I've seen more dog poo on the ground in public more than anywhere else, and people end up treading in it. Although cats poohing in your garden can be annoying, but at least it's in their nature to actually go out of their way to poo somewhere in soil or under a hedge, rather than doing it right in the middle of a footpath. Go cats!

I have noticed that it's okay for normal kids to do things that are inappropriate but when a special needs child does it, everyone makes a big deal out of it. Potty for example or poop or pee. If a normal kid says "I have to go pee," everyone ignores it and says nothing about it but yet if a special ed student says it, the aid goes saying "That isn't appropriate, you say bathroom."

Even in high school if I did something wrong, it was a major deal but yet if other kids did it, no one said anything about it. I also remember coming home from school in 6th grade and I told my mother that other kids are allowed to misbehave but if I do it, I would get into trouble. So my mom went in and asked for me to be video taped so she could see what is going on and she saw other kids in my class goofing off and there was me reading a book or writing and the student teacher go up to me and take them away from me and I would fall asleep while other kids still goofed off. My mom saw it and was furious about it. The school seemed to overlook the other kids even though they saw it on video but decided to make a bigger deal about me. I was truly discriminated. I would have rebelled but I had a three strike thing and three strikes, I can't go on this 6th grade trip at the end of the year.

This kind of thing happens to me too. I refuse to play the double-standard game.

I just wanted to add my sympathy and support for you all.