Long-Distance Relationships

Post Reply New Topic

Lately, I've been talking to a girl from another country over the Internet, and I was wondering how well Aspies fare in long distance situations. I'm not saying it'll happen; I hope it does, but there are no guarantees. I would think Aspies are really well-off in long-distance relationships. We tend to communicate better over the Internet and we don't have to socialize.

So if you've had experience or not, replies are appreciated!

I've been there, and to me personally it was absolutely perfect. I could go on the computer to get in touch with him when I wanted, while being free IRL. By 'free' I don't mean free to cheat on him, that's something I'd neither do nor be tempted to do. By free I mean free to spend my days as I want, not having to deal with him when I didn't want to, not sharing bathroom, bed and meals, so a large degree of freedom, no getting used to living with each other, no sex/ nagging about sex, freedom to pursue my interests and spend my days as I wish.

To me long distance relationships are the perfect way to go. I wouldn't mind being in one for life.

I often do better with writing rather than talking and have had a few long distance regular friendships, some very strong ones, online. It definitely allows others to get to know me, and me to know them, in a way that's difficult otherwise. It is hard to say if this method would be as successful for anybody else. However, I do insist on honesty and direct consistent communication with somebody who is serious, because relationships are built on trust and not on mistrust like shifting sand. Even long distance ones.
Eventually for one reason or another somebody gets fed up with the distance and then it will be in person.

Yeah, I wouldn't mind an in-person relationship, but personally for me, I think long distance would hurt me more than anything. I'm horrible at personal communication (clearly), so electronic communication is great for me, but at the same time, the thought that my partner would be thousands of miles away would just kill me.


I totally get what you mean. I think that's a main reason that aspies deal better with long-distance. Most aspies generally don't need the company of others. That's a bit different for me, but I'd still like it. I'm thankful for Skype so that at least I can feel like I visit her every once in a while.

By the way, this is something my friends don't understand. I've talked to one or two about it and they say it could never happen. They say it would be impossible, but I disagree.

As it is in a different country you should really make clear what kind of relationship you want to have with her.
if you want something like Skilpadde said that would be friendship but if you want a more serious relationship that could cause problems later on.
when meeting someone you know from a long distance there will be a disconnect between how you thought they where and how they are which could be very unsettling.
also you have to think about who goes to who.
if she is also on the autism spectrum this can be an even bigger problem because woman more then men are much less likely to leave their friends and the places they are know in in general or at least that's what i've observed over the years.
so really just be sure about what kind of relationship you want and let her know to.

This is not a romantic relationship, but the person I consider my best friend lives 17 hours away and we email once or twice a week. This suits me fine. She is a very interesting person and I like to read her stories.

Oh yeah. Been there...currently there!

I met a guy through another social networking site -- I wasn't looking for anyone; it just happened. He and I clicked immediately -- we have so much in common we used to joke that my mom must have had twins and just didn't remember it. We chatted several times a day for over a year, used webcams to better communicate, then went on the telephone. He ended it because of family issues. Two years later he showed back up and we're now planning a meeting, hopefully very soon. I'm in SE Texas and he's in Upstate New York.

My friendship with Chrissy is long-distance. I miss her a lot, even though I just saw her on Sunday to comfort her through a death. It's really hard for me to not hug or touch her for long periods of time.

I have been in this situation a couple of times. It is incredibly important to understand what it is you want from the relationship and communicate that to the other person. Both of my relationships failed due to failures in communication and differing expectations, and since people with AS often have difficulties reading signals from others (even in text) it's particularly important to make sure you are on the same wavelength. If that can be achieved, it can certainly be a great option for someone who has problems with social situations and is happy having a partner who is not physically present.

It is also worth pointing out that while communication using only text is an advantage for an autistic person because we don't have to deal with the confusion of social signals, it can be a disadvantage for an NT, because they are used to relying on them! In this situation, if your partner is NT you may find it is them who has trouble understanding all the communication effectively!

The most important thing is to make sure that, if you are planning for the relationship to remain long distance, your partner knows that, because almost everyone who enters a long distance relationship does so with the intention of it becoming a face-to-face relationship at some point if the two of you turn out to be compatible. There are few people comfortable with the idea of permanently having a partner they can only communicate with via the internet.

You really need to direct your enquiries to the lady in question, and find out how she feels about LDRs and what she would expect from one.

I have no interest in long distance relationships. I see no point in having a girlfriend who I can't touch, cuddle, kiss, go out on dates with, spend time with, etc.

Just talking online and on the phone, it's pointless. I'm still single when I go out with friends, I'm still going to dinner for one, I'm still unable to do activities that require two people.

But on the other hand, I enjoy the social aspects of life, I'm just not always good at them.

Someone who enjoyed being home a lot and such would prob enjoy it.

No. We started out as forum acquaintances, then became friends, and then got into a long distance relationship. (On his isuggestion) we got engaged.
Unfortunately there were differences between us we weren't able to overcome, and unlike me, he suffered from it being long distance and was desperate to meet up IRL. He was aspie too, so it might not be perfect for all aspies. But for some of us it's a perfect way to be with someone.

That depends on what you mean by "long-distance". If you mean like 1000 miles apart, then I don't bother with those kind of relationships (unless there are just the friendship kind over social networking sites like facebook, YouTube, and so forth). Well, in my humble opinion, although I enjoy having online long-distance relationships with women (especially with those that I have met through dating sites), I prefer to meet them in real life at some point after we know each other well enough and if we don't live too far away from each other (i.e. no more than 70 miles apart from where we live).

There is this girl named Stephanie that I met on OKCupid (we have been talking back and forth for about a month now) and she says that I am very organized in my thoughts. I plan on meeting up with her in real life at some point. We only live about 70 miles apart. So that shouldn't be too much trouble getting together somewhere at a common midpoint. If you don't plan on meeting up with someone (to be particular, of the opposite gender) that you met through an online dating site in real life at some point, then what's the point of even having that online relationship with that person in the first place?

Hmm I tend to not go after people over the internet. To be honest, I find I am unsure of how to start a relationship over the internet. I am not very photo-genic, so I don't send very good photos of myself, and I don't know if they are talking to other girls or not, and I just find it's pointless. But that's only my opinion, I'm not trying to get everyone else to see it my way.

Everyone that I do fancy are nearby, although the men that I do fancy are out of reach (are all married). Oh, it's just typical!

Me and my ex were together for about half a year before I moved here.
But we met face to face.

I traveled a lot and she, too. That was difficult. And talking on the phone was expensive still back then

I don't even quite understand the question TBH. The feelings are the same, you simply just know the person online and meet them there. The point is having fallen in love with someone and wanting to spend online time with them. I don't need to be physically close to them for that, and seeing as I'm on the asexual side and more aloof than most, it's perfect. Plus, I get to write which makes communication easier for me.
I don't find online relations any less real or less important than RL ones.

In my case we meant to meet at some point (not out of my need for it, but because he needed it), but Australia is very far from Norway. TBH I'm not sad that it was that way, because it's easier to communicate that way, and I also got to see some sides of him that I really didn't appreciate.

In addition to all the pluses (IMO) it's also safe. Well, safer

EDIT: I'd also like to clarify that in my case we didn't meet on a dating site. We got acquainted on another aspie forum.

Last edited by Skilpadde on 18 Oct 2012, 11:00 pm, edited 1 time in total.

For me, this is 100% spot on. I don't see the point in dating someone you can't actually be with. I want someone I can go out with and do stuff with.

But I also understand that someone who prefers to be by themselves, doesn't' like to go out and is asexual, might find this relationship ideal.

I think it's about understanding what makes you happy.