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Jamesy
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17 Oct 2012, 5:41 am

My parents are not very forthcoming about Letting me be independent and leave home.

What do our own parents feel the need too make our lives even more miserable by taking away our rights too freedom just because were different?



jonny23
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17 Oct 2012, 6:21 am

Jamesy wrote:
My parents are not very forthcoming about Letting me be independent and leave home.

What do our own parents feel the need too make our lives even more miserable by taking away our rights too freedom just because were different?


Some parents are just protective. If you're old enough and have income I don't see how they can stop you really. Is there any particular reason they don't want you to leave?



Jamesy
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17 Oct 2012, 6:34 am

My mum said that the reason why some people with are not granted freedom is because "they are a danger too themselves or they might get bullied"



hanyo
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17 Oct 2012, 6:44 am

I think that all parents that are like this need to be told to then stfu with the complaining if they end up stuck supporting and living with their adult child the rest of their lives.



jonny23
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17 Oct 2012, 6:48 am

Jamesy wrote:
My mum said that the reason why some people with are not granted freedom is because "they are a danger too themselves or they might get bullied"


If you can support yourself financially then they can't stop you. If you rely on them for money then it's harder to say. Do you believe you are a danger?



InThisTogether
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17 Oct 2012, 7:09 am

Oftentimes I think it is because parents love their children. We don't want to see anything bad happening to our kids. Sometimes it may make us overly cautious. Other times, we see things that our kids do not because we have more life experience and we can prevent unnecessary heartache.

To better guess why you are in your situation, one would need to know a lot more about your family, your parents, and you.


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felinesaresuperior
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17 Oct 2012, 7:27 am

some parents do it because they love their kids and want to protect them, and some parents do it because they want to program their kids to their way of thinking and want to be the boss, and cant do it if the kids leave home, because then they'll have no power over them anymore.
think about how your parents treated you all your life, were they loving and protective, or bossy and bullying? that happens sometimes too.
if you're over eighteen and have money, they dont have the power to stop you one way or the other...



Jamesy
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17 Oct 2012, 10:08 am

I think in the old days though kids had more independence cause society was different



jonny23
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17 Oct 2012, 10:15 am

Jamesy wrote:
I think in the old days though kids had more independence cause society was different


It might have been different but the it's always been a dangerous place. Maybe different dangers but there's always been a chance that something bad could happen.



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17 Oct 2012, 11:51 am

Some parents get over protective when their child has a disability and they tend to over do it.


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17 Oct 2012, 1:03 pm

InThisTogether wrote:
Oftentimes I think it is because parents love their children. We don't want to see anything bad happening to our kids. Sometimes it may make us overly cautious. Other times, we see things that our kids do not because we have more life experience and we can prevent unnecessary heartache.

To better guess why you are in your situation, one would need to know a lot more about your family, your parents, and you.

This is exactly why my parents did it to me. I graduated when I was 16 and I was ready to move to another province and go to school, but my parents wouldn't let me, so i ended up going to the local university for two years. Two years later I decided to move to another university about two hours away from my house, and my parents were very hesitant because I was moving to the same city as my boyfriend, but I didn't really know anyone else there. I moved in June but school didn't start until September. We broke up in July and it ended up that my best friend from home (who had nothing really going on in his life at the time) moved into my one bedroom apartment with me, taking the dining room up as a bedroom because everyone was so worried about me living on my own. School started and I made friends, but I still felt really lonely and as if I didn't have a rock to hold me down. It was then that I realized that my parents really were just concerned for me being out in the real world, and I wasn't really ready to be out in the world on my own (without family support). I moved back in January and stayed with my parents for the next year until I found a place closeish to their house with a really good friend of mine (who also had a tendency to mother me, though it drove me crazy sometimes). Its nice feeling responsible now, but I do admit that I really do need my parents in my life because they are my biggest advocates and the people that understand me. If I'm having a problem with my landlord that she won't understand or anything they are the ones who fix things for me. I hate admitting that I'm 21 and I still need my parents to fix things for me, but its nice to have them there for situations where I get anxious. I like my freedom, but I do need my rocks there for when I'm freaking out.



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17 Oct 2012, 1:08 pm

Jamesy wrote:
My parents are not very forthcoming about Letting me be independent and leave home.

What do our own parents feel the need too make our lives even more miserable by taking away our rights too freedom just because were different?

So basically I guess in conclusion, just explain to your parents how you feel, but don't overdo it. Ask for more freedoms in small steps and it will come eventually. You are their baby, their joy. Prove to them that you are capable of being independent. Maybe make a budget and show it to them to prove to them that you've thought this through and that you feel comfortable with what you want to do. Maybe set up some apartment viewings and let them come with you to see that you're going somewhere safe. I know that my mom won't let me live anywhere with at least 2 locks and the outside (like a doorman or a locking front door and then my apartment door) because she's paranoid about me being alone. I don't really know what else to say. I'd love to discuss this with you further if you have any questions. Its very un-aspie of me but I like helping people that don't quite have the life experience that I do (no offence intended by that statement).
I guess my last question is how old are you? That will clarify a lot.



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17 Oct 2012, 1:18 pm

Because we care, want to protect our children, and love them dearly.



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17 Oct 2012, 2:18 pm

Because we've worked so hard to help our children and we love them a lot. That doesn't mean that parents get to smother you though.



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17 Oct 2012, 2:24 pm

My parents would like me to be more indipendent, but they fear that something can happen to me. So they try to help me to become more indipendent, but in the same time in some situations they are not forthcoming about letting me indipendent.


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17 Oct 2012, 3:22 pm

Jamesy wrote:
I think in the old days though kids had more independence cause society was different


lolno.

In "the old days" kids would be married and live in their parent's house. That's why in cities there were 2 family homes. You'd have your parents in the same house and your wife and family, staying in your parent's house, then you'd die and your kids would get the house and so on. And now all those houses with the change of society have been converted to crappy ghetto apartments, but yeah.