Name something that you're good at socially.
Was just trying to think about things objectively, were not socially ret*d, we lack certain social instincts.
There are ton's of things I'm good at socially. I'm pretty good at understanding people's live better than they do for example.
Somewhere down the line I've developed a mind for certain details about people's lives which has allowed me to be exceptionally considerate.
Specific things people say about roommates, when they spent the weekend at the cabin, what high school they went to, there number of brothers and sisters, there age, etc. I'm pretty good at keeping track of people's lives. Not in a stalker type way, but more of a I'm pretty good at considering variables in peoples lives that regular folk tend to gloss over completely. Or in other words missing social cues, means I tend to really remember social clues.
It's pretty amazing how much maturity and experience I'm able to convey to people. Simple thing like being able to pick up on why a teacher is so moody. Of course I didn't notice she was, but when my class mates said it, I instantly said, of course, her husband is away working for 3 weeks at a time, she has 3 kids, ages 2 3 and 5, and she was up all night correcting for the other class, wouldn't you be?
Of course the rest of the class tends to gloss over these details and focus on the emotions, but it's funny how right I can be about things sometimes.
Anyhow whats yours.
Please positive remarks only.
I love this thread!
I wouldn't say I'm either poor or brilliant, there are grey shades too, even with NTs. But the forms of social interaction/cues that I feel I am generally OK at are:-
-Laughing at a joke/knowing when somebody's joking
-Making eye contact (I can't make eye contact with strangers I pass in the street, but when I'm talking to someone or am around people who I will get to talk to like at a new job, then I can easily make fair eye contact)
-Showing/expressing emotions
-Recognising people's body language and other non-verbal cues - by instinct
-Having one-to-one conversations with somebody (with more than one I can find quite difficult, like speaking up in groups)
-Using tone of voice, unless I'm a bit nervous of the person I'm talking to, but I think a lot of people are like that anyways
-Listening well to what the other person is saying/having ''open ears'' where I can always sense when somebody is talking to me (most Aspies say they have ''selective hearing'', in which I don't, I hear everything every time somebody says something to me, which is why people find me so easy to talk to, even if I am engaged in a TV programme and someone suddenly speaks to me, I immediately hear them and respond)
-I can cotton on to what other people are saying easily, sometimes even get what they're on about before they stop
-I don't interrupt people mid-sentence, unless it's an emergancy
-I can recognise people's faces
-I have empathy. Well, ''selective empathy'' if you will, but doesn't everybody have that, unless you're like Ned Flanders?
-I can lie easily to save somebody's feelings (tell little white lies, not big stupid unnecessary lies)
This may sound like it's everything and that I needn't say I have any social difficulties, but that is not true. I am very shy, and have social anxiety as well as AS. This makes it hard for me to join in group conversations. I also find it hard to engage in conversations with people I have just met. Also I sometimes slip out stupid things what makes others think I'm a bit odd, which I hate myself for. Also, although I can recognise body language with other people, I don't think I give off the right body language myself in certain situations; I think I stand very awkwardly and look very nervous a lot of the time.
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I wouldn't say I'm either poor or brilliant, there are grey shades too, even with NTs. But the forms of social interaction/cues that I feel I am generally OK at are:-
-Laughing at a joke/knowing when somebody's joking
-Making eye contact (I can't make eye contact with strangers I pass in the street, but when I'm talking to someone or am around people who I will get to talk to like at a new job, then I can easily make fair eye contact)
-Showing/expressing emotions
-Recognising people's body language and other non-verbal cues - by instinct
-Having one-to-one conversations with somebody (with more than one I can find quite difficult, like speaking up in groups)
-Using tone of voice, unless I'm a bit nervous of the person I'm talking to, but I think a lot of people are like that anyways
-Listening well to what the other person is saying/having ''open ears'' where I can always sense when somebody is talking to me (most Aspies say they have ''selective hearing'', in which I don't, I hear everything every time somebody says something to me, which is why people find me so easy to talk to, even if I am engaged in a TV programme and someone suddenly speaks to me, I immediately hear them and respond)
-I can cotton on to what other people are saying easily, sometimes even get what they're on about before they stop
-I don't interrupt people mid-sentence, unless it's an emergancy
-I can recognise people's faces
-I have empathy. Well, ''selective empathy'' if you will, but doesn't everybody have that, unless you're like Ned Flanders?
-I can lie easily to save somebody's feelings (tell little white lies, not big stupid unnecessary lies)
This may sound like it's everything and that I needn't say I have any social difficulties, but that is not true. I am very shy, and have social anxiety as well as AS. This makes it hard for me to join in group conversations. I also find it hard to engage in conversations with people I have just met. Also I sometimes slip out stupid things what makes others think I'm a bit odd, which I hate myself for. Also, although I can recognise body language with other people, I don't think I give off the right body language myself in certain situations; I think I stand very awkwardly and look very nervous a lot of the time.
What 'stupid' things do you slip out sometimes? Can you give some examples?
I forgot another, I'm pro star with talking to deaf people, I'm really good at guessing what there trying to say, just the same I'm also really good with foreign people.
A combination of not expecting cultural norms, ignoring verbal grammar, and seeing images of what there saying.
Sure. Like the other day I was talking to my personal employment advisor about a job where I would have to walk to very early in the morning when it's still dark. The job was at a school where I used to go to, and he was a little concerned about if I would handle walking on my own in the dark. I said it wouldn't be a problem, then I said, ''I used to walk to school that way anyway'', and I could tell he got a little impatient when he said, ''I know, but back then it was much lighter and was mid-morning. This time it will be dark and you'd be on your own - that's what I was concerned about if you would cope with that or not.'' I then felt stupid, because he already knew he was trying to talk about the fact that I was going to be walking in the dark, not whether I will know the way or not, so I don't know why I said that for. I also knew it was a stupid thing to say because of the way he kind of sighed when he responded.
Also I don't give myself a chance to think before I answer, especially to strangers. Last month I queued up to get some candyfloss, and the man at the candyfloss stall asked, ''would you like it in a bag or on a stick?'' I wanted it in a bag, but I didn't give myself a chance to think, so I blurted out, ''on a stick'', then felt too unconfident to suddenly change my mind. Then it started raining, and I went up to my mum and she was like, ''why didn't you just have it in a bag?'' She asked me that like I was a little kid, and I felt ashamed and just wished I'd give myself more time to think before I decide something. I know that is not so much weird or stupid, but it's still something I sometimes hate doing.
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1. I do not like parties. But when I do go I talk to new people.(I have developed this recently and I am really proud of myself for getting the courage to do it). If I am totally focused on the new person, I can even ignore the inner monologue which constantly judges me.
2. I can make eye contact with people I am talking to. I also give the impression that I am very polite.
3. I can tell to a certain extent if the person is interested in what I am saying. If not, I drop a lot of what I am going to say.
4.If I have common interests with someone new and that person is enthusiastic as well, I can be really friendly and can talk for hours.
5. I always make it a point to pass on "hello" to people. I see that people like to hear that someone remembers them.
6. I pay attention to little things that a person may like and if i subsequently care enough for this person, I make it a point to do it for him/her.
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AQ- 37/EQ : 15/SQ : 44/ BAP : Autistic/BAP (120 aloof, 104 rigid and 92 pragmatic)
Aspie Quiz: Aspie :130/200;NT score: 72/200;You are very likely an Aspie. Alexithymia test :135
That was the exact same question I was about to ask, but didn't know whether to ask it here or start another thread about it.
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The reason to that is, from my personal experience, that when there's a group of people talking, I never know when to join in. It seems I can't get a word in edgeways, and when I do find an appropriate gap, I think of what to say but feel too shy to say it. It's like I fear to hear my own voice when there's 3 or more people in a room, unless I really, really know them very well and that they're used to me. Otherwise, if people know that I'm quiet, they also assume that I won't talk much, and so they don't make room for me to talk. So I tend to back away and just sit quietly and listen.
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Hm.
I'm fairly decent at eye contact unless I'm tired, cranky, or overwhelmed.
I can usually sum up what someone else is trying to say even though I can't necessarily sum up what I'm trying to say. (I can, actually, but it can take me months of thinking it through before I actually get all the words right.)
I'm good at smiling at people. Sometimes I think I might smile too much rather than using a spoken greeting.
Of course the rest of the class tends to gloss over these details and focus on the emotions, but it's funny how right I can be about things sometimes.
I've never thought about it before but I think I do this, too. I remember so many times hearing people complain about how mean or angry So-and-So was and how they weren't treated the way they thought they ought to be, whereas, for me, the behavior would make sense because I would be thinking about the frustrations and other things that would be inherent in whatever I knew that person was going through. And then I'd get upset about how inconsiderate these people were being. Which is kind of funny because a lot of people think I'm inconsiderate... I don't think I really am. I just miss some of the cues sometimes that would clue me in to the fact that consideration is needed.
I am very polite most of the time. I am a good listener, even if what's the other person says is boring or weird. I try to give someone who's talking to me my full attention. I'm not afraid to look silly in front of strangers.
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