Failed Person Syndrome

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In any situation involving competition, there must be a winner and a loser. Does anyone think that there are certain people who are simply born to fail? In school, academically there is a person at the top of the class, therefore there must be a person at the bottom of the class. In sports there is an MVP (most valuable player) therefore there must be a Least Valuable Player.

At work, in any sales type position there is someone with the highest sales margin, therefore there must be someone with the lowest.

You catch my drift....

I have very much found myself universally rejected. In school I was rejected socially, and I also graduated one point better than a failing grade. Every job Ive held, I have been made to feel worthless. I even overheard my current boss asking another employee if "I was ret*d or something".

Even in situations where nobody knows who I am, I feel shunned and rejected. From a young age, I found that when I tried to join any sort of group, whether a group of friends, or a defined "club" (sixth grade swim team comes to mind) I was quickly pushed out, and if i tried to persist, they made it so bad that I eventually quit.

In my old job as a convenience store manager, we had a trade show that every manager in the company went to. Alcohol was served and we had a "casino night" theme. We were given 50 grand in play money and got to play poker, blackjack, craps, and games like that. I joined a poker table, and after the first hand someone I didnt even know leaned over and said "i dont think this game is for you". I also partook of the alcohol, I had exactly ONE drink. One of the other managers there went to the district manager (my boss) and told her that I was drinking. She actually stood up for me that time, she said "yeah so? nobody is driving anywhere so whats the big deal?"

My point is, in the game of life, there are winners and losers. Do you think that some people are born destined to fail or is life what we make of it? If you believe life is what we make of it, explain why other people make it their business to trip people up, even when there is no benefit to them?

For me, I succeed because I choose to succeed and I work very hard at it. Aspergers has put me at a severe disadvantage to NTs in an NT world, but the struggles have made me stronger. I do not believe that people are destined for failure, but I do believe that some people have it harder than others.

To the second part of your question, many people believe that life is a zero-sum game -- for every gain that you get, someone else has an equal loss. These are the people that attempt to raise themselves up by cutting other people down. Personally, I think this perspective is stupid.

I don't believe people do anything in life that doesn't have some benefit to them.

I voted "Other".

You win some; you lose some; the key to it all is to make the best of every situation.

I voted ''loser'' because I AM a loser. And life is not always what you make it, for a person with social anxiety and lack of confidence I still try to do different things, be open-minded and try new things with my life, but I still don't get anywhere. It's taking me years to get a job, even after all the things I have done to further my education, experience and skills in order to have a greater chance to get into work, but nobody will give me a chance, even at places where I'd possibly get on well as an Aspie, like doing repetitive work where I'm not having to interact with people, like stacking shelves in a supermarket, or packing boxes in a warehouse. It may not sound much but at least I want to start off by doing something like that, rather than starting with the big steps. It's such a fruitless waste of time to go around looking for work every week, being proactive and staying positive.

If that ain't a loser, then what is?

I can't help but feel bad for how you've been treated by your coworkers and others, chadmaster. That's really harsh. I can relate to much of it, although I haven't had it quite as hard in terms of ending up in such dismissive company.

But I don't believe that a person is born either a winner or a loser, per se. I do believe that some people are born better equipped to make it in life, as in better genes, stronger physiology, smarter wits, great charm, whatever. But I also believe that a person, whether they're at an advantage already, or at a relative disadvantage, can build upon themselves, can make themselves into something better.
The kind of 'self-made people' stories Americans are so fond of. From rags to riches. I like the fighting spirit that is promoted in those kind of stories. Not fighting in the sense of kicking another person down, but fighting in the sense of striving to move forward and improve yourself.

I do. I gave my (now ex) girlfriend $1500 that i really needed, so that she could have a car to get to work. I did not do it to make things better for myself, in fact, it screwed me in the long run. I believe in doing nice things just for the sake of doing something nice. I reaped no benefit, it even put me at a loss, but i would do it again in a heartbeat.

In my previous job I put the store's needs ahead of my own. I worked 251 days without a day off including Christmas day.

I don't believe everyone is completely selfish. Im a Christian, I see the sacrifice Jesus made for me. He paid the ultimate penalty to settle a debt that i owed to God, simply out of love. I see American military people putting their lives on the line to protect a country they love, even the people that hate them for what they do. I see firemen run into burning buildings to save people they dont know. Maybe a fireman's "benefit" is his paycheck, but there are plenty of careers that dont involve risking your life.

So how does an autistic person fit in. I go to the bar and all they are interested in is one night stands. I go to the church and all I meet is a bunch of conservative Ebenezer Scrooge misers who would be better off if they embraced communism. The commies don't like me because I am too religious. The list goes on and on and I can't fit in with any group unless I lie and then if I lie to fit in I can't live with myself.

I chose 'born loser' even though, to be realistic, I've won a few and lost a few. At my age, and having not achieved what others my age has, makes me a loser. I try to keep it in perspective, though. At least I'm not sitting in some Baghdad Café where a suicide bomber suddenly drives up and detonates his vehicle over some stupid cause.

I see stories like that and they only make me angry. My father used to tell me "get good grades, go to college, youll get a good job, youll make a pile of money etc..."

The ONE thing I was good at in school was culinary arts. We had a vocational school in my town. I was near the top of the class in that subject, I won several awards and recognitions. I could not even get accepted into community college, my SAT scores were pitiful. After two years of training and earning awards, the best job I could get was washing dishes at a freaking Pizza Hut.

How does one go from rags to riches if the doors to riches are locked in front of him? Ive had people tell me to go into business for myself. How do I do that if the startup costs are more than six times my annual salary and the bank wont lend me a cent?

Well, 'benefit' can be interpreted in different ways. The examples of selflessness you mentioned, could be seen as trying to reap a benefit that is both non-material and altruistic.
The actions of the firemen, the soldiers, and even of Christ, sought a 'benefit' for the community as opposed to the individual. It isn't self-benefit but for the spiritual satisfaction that the accomplishment of the goals bring about.

Swinging it around to the negative example in your opening post

If you believe life is what we make of it, explain why other people make it their business to trip people up, even when there is no benefit to them?
---

To the second part of your question, many people believe that life is a zero-sum game -- for every gain that you get, someone else has an equal loss. These are the people that attempt to raise themselves up by cutting other people down. Personally, I think this perspective is stupid.

I don't believe people do anything in life that doesn't have some benefit to them.

Why do they trip others up when there appears to be no benefit to them? I think this may come forth from fear and antipathy toward that which they perceive as 'strange' and 'unknown'. A person who behaves outside of the norms they are used to, may soon be identified as a 'threat', and subsequently targeted for exclusion from the group. It's quite irrational behaviour.

Funny, I almost mentioned church in my original post. I cant even catch a break there. The people look down on me because im single and in my mid 20s. They use scriptures like "a man must leave his mother and cleave to his wife" and "it is not good for man to be alone". I have actually spoken to pastors about this, the fact that a group of people called by God to love all people wont even love a fellow believer. Even some pastors have that macho attitude. When i stop going to church and worship God privately, i get rebuked by the church people for not being "in fellowship" with others. --Why would I want to associate myself with people who sing about love every sunday while rejecting "the least of them"? Im not saying im perfect, im far from it, but if there is one place everyone should feel welcome, its at God's table.

1. They think it's fun.

2. They eliminate the possibility of competition.

3. They can look like heroes for "rescuing" their victims.

I can't give you substantial advice on this matter. My current education and resume are at a point where most people are surprised that I could settle for it, yet I'm satisfied.

Many success stories revolve around people finding a niche that is not occupied by anyone else. A product or a service that people have a use and desire for, and hasn't been thought of before.

How does one enter/exit a room if the door has been bolted shut beyond your power to open? You create a new door. For myself, I have explored (and occasionally still explore) other abilities and talents I might put to use somewhere. Although my job history is extremely chequered, it is chequered in a way I would not have thought possible at the start of my first job. I have occupied various functions that have at least given me a modicum of work experience that may enable me to get a foot in the door for jobs in those areas, should my current employer lay me off.

Aside from that, I am becoming well-versed in certain areas of knowledge, which may serve as a lead-in into work, volunteer work, or higher education.

I suggest the 'Work' subforum for advice on setting up a business, as I lack any kind of first-hand or second-hand experience in this area.

I agree on all three points. I should have used quote tags instead of italics to make it clear I was quoting chadmaster and adb.

Let's face it, how we do in life - as far as making money or gaining a reputation - has a lot to do with luck. Successful people tend to forget that and give themselves all the credit. But from what I've seen, it's much more about luck than almost anything else. Effort is important too, and discerning, making decisions, judgments, choosing the right line of work, which school, which job, which contacts, which topic for the dissertation, which product to make or sell, which story to write, which color decision to make in a design, etc. Yes, there are skills you can learn in all those situations, so-called "right" things to do, following rules, working hard. BUT - Luck is pretty much the deciding factor in a lot of situations. But I don't think there's anyone that luck will completely pass by if they give themselves enough opportunities.

Last edited by SpiritBlooms on 23 Oct 2012, 4:21 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I voted other.


There are only winners and losers in games.

I don't play games, that's all there really is to it. In real life competing means wasting resources, it's for the desperate that got nothing to loose. In evolutionary terms complex animals have no need for competing. Integration and cooperation, are far more important.