Gay VS Aspie traits

Post Reply New Topic

Hi all, this question is mainly aimed at the AS men:

I have a friend with AS and people sometimes assume that he’s gay mainly because of his compassion, over-sensitivity, extreme cleanliness (he has OCD), his impeccable way of dress, unmarried and in his late 40’s to name a few.

Have any of you experienced similar?

I am not an AS man. I am actually an NT woman married to an AS man and mother of an AS daughter. Your friends sounds like a very sensitive man, but his sensiblity does not define is sexual preferences. I think "people" is assuming too much. If you want to know his sexual preferences, you should ask. And by the way, for people with AS it is very hard to find a partner (because of the social issues and sensitivity issues), so it is not odd that he is 40 and still single.

many with as consider themselves (ourselves) to be asexual. the need for physical contact is generally not equal to that of nt's, the need for intimacy is on a different level. people with as may often be seen as being aloof in nature, which can be misconstrued by other men, in the presence of women, to signal a disinterest in the opposite sex. this does not mean the as man is not attracted to women. it probably would take the right woman to catch his interest.

I have heard of anecdotal and research claims that there is an association between gender nonconformity, especially full-blown transgenderism, and AS traits, and because there is some correlation between gender nonconformity and sexual orientation, a lot of people will assume 100% that someone is gay if they are gender nonconforming, because they don't understand that it's just a correlation and not a rule. However, it doesn't mean that people with AS are very much more likely to be gender nonconforming, instead it's the other way round: people who are significantly gender nonconforming have a much higher rate of autistic tendencies.

Just as most people with ADHD don't have a significant autism traits, but most people with autism do have significant ADHD traits. In the same way, it's probably quite a one-sided association. I mean, I've met a lot of men on the spectrum, through a social skills class, and I've noticed no average difference in gender nonconformity (which I'm very good at picking up on as gender norm issues have been among my special interests) with the general population. However, I HAVE noticed that when you look at forums for people who are gender nonconforming, gender neutral, transgendered etc., there are A LOT of people identifying as being on the spectrum or wondering if they are.

I have never seen any valid, peer-review research that stands to prove a causal connection between AS and homosexuality -- not even on the History Channel!

Without valid empirical evidence, such a connection can not be said to exist.

I haven't seen any for specifically ASD and homosexuality. I have seen them for ASD and asexuality, for ASD and polyamory, and for ASD and being transgender.

I've also seen people doing early research into ASD/genderqueer but not getting enough data to make any correlations yet. They're at similar levels as the AS/homosexuality research.

There is research that autism spectrum disorders correlate with being non-heteronormative, but the one I've seen that set out to try to find an AS/homosexual connection found the asexuality connection instead. (Though also found that it was worth continuing to look into, especially female homosexuality, because they did have increased rates of female homosexuality, just not statistically significant.)

Yes, this has been presumed of me. I like to not think about it all that much. Also, because I'm reasonably attractive combined with those traits (I'm not in my 40s, though), it's seen as being "obvious" even though dating has been like walking in a minefield until very recently.

I can't believe I was actually able to find a clip which wasn't blocked for copyright violation, anyway this thread reminded me of Lyle from SNL way back in 92.

Saturday Night Live - Lyle, the Effeminate Heterosexual
http://video.tvguide.com/Saturday+Night ... al/7981499

I don't think it's the case that there's a lot of gay aspies, but I do think there's a higher percentage of gay and trans people who have AS, if that makes sense. But people thinking your friend is gay is just them pandering to stereotypes.

Yep. Absolutely. I think it's funny. Men get so hung up on the most ridiculous things. Crossing your legs while seated in a specific way is apparently effeminate and unmanly. Stuff like that. Who the hell cares how I cross my legs? And people call me crazy. Everybody else is crazy, I am the one who is sane.

yes.

I'm female and I've had some people assume I was lesbian. Well I'm bi, but I don't tell that around. I think it was because I didn't use to dress very feminine when I was younger, and people never saw me with a boyfriend (because I haven't had a relationship at all...)

Yes, I have had people think I was gay in the past despite being attracted solely to females (I am male). I have also had people assume I was perpetually high on marijuana when I had never smoked it! It seems that people with AS, while not presenting as full on autistic (although people have thought I was spectrum long before I did), seem to give off a certain vibe of being "off" in some way. NTs try to peg what that brand of "off" is and usually get it wrong.

I've never experienced this, because I'm actually bisexual, so people assuming I'm gay aren't far off. I have mistaken AS for gayness before. I've since learned that gender non-conformity isn't a good way to spot gay guys.

Haha I like that joke, though the ancient aliens guy probably would be very offended.

That'd do it.

If you're a man over 30 or so and not with someone/married (i.e., you're always single), you're either disabled in some way or gay.

I sincerely resent it that when I identify myself as belonging to a certain group, everyone I know automatically assume that I embody all of the worst characteristics of that group.

For instance, the Dungeons & Dragons game was once my special interest. I knew every rule on every page of the 1st and 2nd edition handbooks. When my relatives found out, they all assumed that I was a pill-popping, suicidal, animal-sacrificing pervert that was just waiting to seduce their children into a devil-worshipping cult.

If I "came out" as an Aspie today, I would be labelled as a bedwetting, fece-eating, animal-torturing, wrist-cutting, pyromaniac who is either of the GLBT community or into BDSM; and I don't want any of that because none of it is true.

I'm just an Aspie trying to make it in the Entie world, and I have 10 years left before retirement. I do not need to be put under surveillance by my neighbors, lose my home and my family (again), and end up as one of those unwashed people pushing shopping carts through alleys and mumbling about how everyone is against me.

Maybe I should post this in The Haven, but who would really give a damn, anyway?

So fire away; I can take it.

That's not the "worst characteristics" of D&D players. That's not real at all. Jack Chick tracts do not describe real life.



Being a member of the LGBT community or into BDSM are not things that should be described as "the worst characteristics" of any group, and saying so is more a reflection on how you view the people in those communities than anything about those communities. For that matter, enuresis is not deliberate and should not reflect on anyone's character if they suffer from it.