A pain in the asperger.

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Hey all,

Just wanted to let everyone know, I used to like my mind and prided myself in the things I was good at.

I was wrong, turns out I'm just a dude who sucks.

Anyone else make that transition? Anyone? I am a little desperate to know. It's been a day of severe self awareness of my lack of self awareness. Any depressing realizations about yourself you'd share? Please. Thanks.

i too used to take pride in my mind, and thought it was something good and unique.

now it is my curse and my torture instrument to never never ending unsavory thought.

i just keep going......=/

I'm still in the prideful phase. I'm not giving up that easily!

I see no reason to be ashamed of who I am. I do adapt over time and I do make some changes but I refuse to see myself as a piece of crap just because I am different from most of the world. You know what? Most of the world sucks. Why would I want to be like them?

I am happy for those who do well.

....so no one has an experience to share?

Yeah a recent depressing realization i recently had was I really don't know who i am. I mean I have been more or less struggling with this thought for a while, but the other day when I was hanging out with my brother and one of his friends we stopped at a gas station. And a homeless veteran from whatever the hell is still going on over in the middle east talked to us for a bit my brothers friend is thinking of potentially joining the military so he was telling him to be very careful about it and exhaust all other possibilities before doing it. Anyways one thing he said that was almost exactly how I feel I think it's a PTSD thing but he said after all that its hard to know who you are.

Obviously I am not comparing my highschool lockdown to the things that can come with being in the military but I could relate to that particular comment and it got me thinking about it again. As well as the whole thing about feeling like no one can ever understand or truly help yet one is to just keep going the best they can and its hard to see the point. The whole thing was very depressing though but yeah it took me a while to process that interaction.

makes me feel kind of ridiculous about my situation, but regardless of what experiances cause these sorts of feelings...I know I am not the only one who feels this way but that is not very much comfort.

I've come to realize I'll probably never "amount to anything" in terms of fame, success, etc. But somehow, that's okay. I'm good at some things. I can think up new ideas, little sparks, and pass them on to people with the kind of mind that can do something with them. I can tell other people what I've learned. I can use my obsessiveness and persistence to complete things that would never be finished otherwise, not because others can't do it but because it's too much busywork for them.

I'll never be what we think of as superior, as I was taught I should want to be. Nor can I consider myself inferior, because that would mean I would have to give in to the idea that people are ranked by ability and end up thinking other people to be inferior to myself, and I absolutely won't do that. Everything in my nature says that that's wrong.

Instead, I am left with equality. I realize that I contribute to the world I live in, and that I can see myself as just as important as everyone else, but no less and no more. I realize that I can have a decent life, even with the struggles that autism brings.

There will always be inequality in the world. I have enough to eat--some people don't. I'm good at math--some people aren't. On the other hand, I have meltdowns that most people don't have to deal with, and unlike most people, I have to fight with the government for basic needs like health care and housing. The world isn't fair. Sometimes I get the short end of the stick; sometimes I get more than my share. Most of the time, it's just plain chance. I was born in a Western nation, with autistic brain wiring, with XX chromosomes and an androgynous personality, with a talent for logic and an inability to memorize the human face any better than I can memorize a random object. When it's just plain chance whether you get ahead or get left behind, you can't really get too mad about it. I mean, who are you supposed to punch? This isn't a fantasy novel, so there's no personification of Chaos to attack. I'd rather be sensible about it and try to make the world a little less unfair.

By the way, I'm totally going to steal your thread title: "Those stupid little labels on shirt collars are a total pain in the Asperger!"

I'm currently the opposite. I'm super happy to have finally found the reason I don't function like a "normal" human being! I'm proud that my mind is unique from other people. Otherwise I just might become one of those people who comments on a Facebook picture to "see what happens next".

i like myself....a little too often sometimes ;p

As a rule, I'd suggest only taking the desperate state you feel seriously if it persists for several days in a row. We all have sh***y days that can make our issues seem worse than they really are.