Am I faking or is it just my anxiety talking?

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Like some of you may know I'm in the process of finding out if I've got Asperger's Syndrome. I'm in contact with specialists and they're in the process of deciding whether I should get an assessment or not. I talked to them for 1,5 hours yesterday and the woman I talked to said she's not qualified to diagnose me or anything but she's got a lot of experience working with people on the spectrum and she told me she suspects I've got Asperger's and/or ADD (ADHD-PI might be the correct name nowadays). At least all of my problems "point towards" it.

Went to another psychologist today and there I got to do the AQ-test and some sort of ADHD-test. Scored 41 on the AQ-test and the ADHD-test showed I should get assessed for that as well. Nothing's for sure yet though.

Anyway, even though I now know that I was right to suspect AS and ADD (the woman I talked to yesterday specifically told me I haven't been crazy for suspecting it and that it's great I'm in touch with them) all these weird and very annoying thoughts keep entering my head. Thoughts like:

- What if the woman I talked to said all of that to make me feel better?
- What if she lied?
- What if I lied?
- What if I exaggerated when I told her about my problems?
- What if I'm imagining my problems?
- What if I'm delusional?
- What if I've wanted to find the reason and explanation for my problems and for feeling different my whole life so badly I've read about AS (for example), "picked up" traits and I'm now "faking"?

Is that possible or is that just my anxiety "talking"? Is it even possible to fake AS? It scares me. It's really confusing and it makes me feel rather anxious.

Last edited by rebbieh on 23 Oct 2012, 12:52 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Its very simple actually. Do you have what is known as hyperfocus? If you do you most likely have AS/ADHD. ADHD is a common co-morbid condition with AS.

I think I have hyperfocus. Maybe not right now since I'm depressed but I usually do. I can easily spend hours and hours alone in my room reading about and watching documentaries about Astronomy for example. I then prioritise it over social relationships, food etc. I don't see how that makes it "very simple" though?

Its funny because I had the same reaction from going to my family doctor. I was feeling pretty good that day so I didn`t even feel all the regular symptoms, and was worried that he wouldn`t take me seriously. This is probably why people have a hard time accepting the diagnosis - it is not as obvious at times.

It is not like AS can go away. Your brain thinks differently. That is definitely hyperfocus. You are an Aspie. We are always trying to disprove ourselves. Hence your inability to accept your diagnosis. On the plus side this tendency makes me produce very high quality work.

You are definitely not alone in having doubts. I think that's only natural to think about it like that. However, I think you have probably done enough research into your life by this point to have more or less confirmed it. I think that when you finally go for your evaluation, the doctor will no doubt keep in mind that you have probably done extensive research on the topic and may have some exaggerated traits as this seems to be common among adults who are trying to figure this out. In the end though, there will probably be certain traits that you can't fully hide or falsely develop that will let them know if you have it or not. Plus, they will want to speak with your parents to see how you were in early childhood and may want to review your school records to see if the pattern fits.

These seem like questions only an Apsie would ask and then worry about.

Just to confuse matters even further (sorry!) I get thoughts like these as part of my OCD! OCD/AS/ADHD are all quite linked and it's likely that you have some traits of OCD as well as the other condition. Don't panic though, this doesn't mean you have OCD, a lot of people have 'OCBs' (obsessive compulsive behaviour). I get 'thought OCD' or ruminations, where I just focus on something, like my diagnoses, and question it and question it. It is also quite an Aspie thing to do though! As is apologizing for confusing posts...

sorry

Do you think it's a good idea to mention my fears to the doctors/psychologists?



That's ok. I've been suspected of having OCD (haven't seen the psychologist enough for a diagnosis though). I don't know if I agree with that but I definitely have obsessive compulsive behaviours. I do that too. The things you said about focusing on something and questioning it over and over and over again. Only difference is I don't have a diagnosis.

I have too many diagnoses! I hate it!

I guess the reason I don't have any diagnoses is I didn't start seeking help until spring this year. Been having all these problems without talking about them.

I don't see how it would hurt. If anything, it might give them further insight into how your mind works. I would also try to put your mind on something else for a while if you can. Right now, you are getting stuck in a recursive loop that you can't exit and can't solve of your own accord and it's going to drive you nuts. Try to find something else to focus on. I'm not saying it's easy. I've been stuck on the whole Asperger's thing for about 4 months now and have had to come to the conclusion that I probably have it but will never know for certain due to my economic situation. Even saying that, I'm still thinking about it all the time and am trying to find another thing to focus on which, again is difficult due to economics.

I'm going through the same thing. I keep going back and forth from being sure I have AS, to thinking I'm subconsciously making myself fit the criteria. My friend who has professional experience in ASD is pretty much sure I have it. Don't really remember what the conversation was but she said to another person that I have aspergers. It was kinda weird to actually hear it.

All those questions and doubts have been driving me round the bend over this last month also. I think a lot of it for me comes from having had feelings of being different all my life which I have been telling myself were imagined or best to just ignore. After all, that kind of thinking is totally crazy...right? That dismissal of what I now recognise as aspergers is so deeply ingrained that actually giving it any serious creedance feels very very counterintuitive.

I think I will tell them. I feel like I sort of have to tell them just to warn them or something. And to let them now I feel very anxious about the whole thing.



Yes, this is pretty much exactly what's going on and what has been going on for about half a year now. The thoughts/questions enter my mind and bring a lot of anxiety. They're intrusive and I don't want them but I can't stop thinking about them. They tell me I'm faking/imagining/being delusional and they make me doubt myself so badly. They even make me question my own memories. I hate anxiety.



I wish I could. I'm really trying but since I'm sort of failing my studies and since I'm just waiting for my appointments with psychologists all the time, I've got a lot of time to think. Which means I get very anxious.

I know saying this won't change anything but you really have no reason to be anxious. If you are on the autistic spectrum, you have been there all your life and thus it changes nothing about who you are going forward. Try to focus on where you want your life to go. What positive things do you want to accomplish? Remember, you still have a life to live and there is more to who you are than Asperger's. Asperger's may explain some of why you do certain things but in the end you still have a free will and the ability to do whatever you set out to accomplish.