How do you get NTs to just answer the damn question?!

Post Reply New Topic

This is partly a rant, but I'm also hoping someone may actually provide practical advice. Some people have this strong tendency to answer the "unspoken question" or "address the meta-problem". That is, I ask them a question and they respond, but the response is an answer to a different question entirely! Now, I could understand that happening initially (human communication is very imprecise, after all), but even after my repeated, polite and patient clarifications they usually still don't answer my question. I suspect this is a trait of the "extremely NT" people, but regardless, what I want to know is: is there some trick to get them to just answer the question?! Not their own question, not someone else's question - my question!

A recent email interaction with a customer service department went something like this (summarised and paraphrased):

Now, before you write this off as customer service centre outsourced to a third-world country - I was dealing with in-house staff of a USA company. I'm sure they either knew the answers or could have easily found them out. My questions were simple and reasonable and the scenario I described was not unheard of, even if they don't deal with it every day. This doesn't happen only with customer service departments, either, that's just a recent example. I make every effort to get them to answer my question. I spell out the questions clearly and succinctly. When communicating in writing I number them to emphasize that there are multiple questions and I want an answer to each, not just an "overall" answer. When they fail to answer initially I provide more detail, remaining polite and patient the whole time.

Is there something I can do better here? I'm honestly not sure whether:
1) The other person genuinely doesn't understand what I want to know; or
2) They understand, but for some reason won't answer and won't say that they won't answer, either; or
3) They are just useless, unhelpful people in general, don't feel like spending the effort and are not even smart enough to realise that, actually, answering the question probably would be the least-effort solution; or
4) Something else I haven't considered.

This has nothing to do with NT vs AS. It has to do with salesmanship and is infuriating to anyone who has to deal with it. They are trained to try and twist you around to not spending less money because they probably lose money if they fail to keep you out of the cheaper option. There is a logic to it, but it is not to your benefit. To get around it, you need to think fast and throw it back at them enough times that they run out of scripts to use and you trip them up. And yes, they do use written scripts. Even a trained salesman sometimes has a difficult time dealing with these people because their job is NOT customer service. It's obfuscation, redirection, distraction and selling you the most expensive thing they can.

I thought it might have been that the customer service reps have to answer e-mails at such a furious pace to keep their response times quick enough that they don't fully read most of them, but rather skim them, pick out key words and give answers they're used to giving so they can be done quickly. But I also see the salesmanship angle - trying to get you to spend more money on their goods and services!

you need to repeat yourself three or four times, slowly, concisely, and without raising your voice.
if they don't grasp what you are trying to convey by the fourth time, hang up and call back. you might eventually get someone who is not reading from instruction manuals and scripted sales pitch guides.

when the person you're trying to get an answer from is someone you're close to emotionally, just politely nod and expect a long reply with inconsequential and meaningless details added for effect. from time to time, pay attention to keywords and if you're patient enough, you may get your answer. likely not. but it's worth the effort being polite in trying.

to be honest, i often relate to one episode of Star Trek in which Captain Kirk was in a time warp of sorts in which he was in an accelerated state, and to him everyone was speaking at nearly an imperceptibly slow speed. people go on and on, not making a point when perhaps what they are saying could easily be stated with five to seven words. i try to practice patience, but even i have my limits!

They don't want to give a straight answer for business reasons. Politicians do this also, they do not lie but tell the truth about something unrelated. It is, of course, infuriating.

I understand the sales/business reason, but I'm pretty sure that wasn't the case here. Firstly, the financial difference it would make to the company is very minor (in the context of all I'm paying them) and the financial difference it would make to the staff is zero. Secondly, if they wanted to discourage me from downgrading they could have simply said "yes, you will lose feature X". That may well be the truth (for all I know) and it would have saved both of us a lot of time.

That they don't read the emails properly is certainly a strong possibility and I considered that. But surely after 2 or 3 rounds of emails where the customer is still apparently not satisfied with the answer it would make more sense to take 20 seconds to read the email properly than take 2 minutes to reply again without reading it?

Yes, it happens a lot with salespeople, but at least I expect it then. Unfortunately it happens with others, too. Perhaps my example wasn't the best, but I can't think of another one right now.

I used to sometimes answer the wrong question (I'm in Customer Service) but I've improved. Yet many times customers' question are not clear, so I sometimes answer something else from what they expect, the first time around.

Im laughing inside, call centers are jokes. Regardless how can an autie be an adult and not pick up the actions of sales folk.