Advice needed please

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Hi everyone, I'm new here and this is my first post so apologies if it is in the wrong place.

I'm 28 and have only in the last two weeks been semi-diagnosed with AS. Essentially I had a bit of a breakdown, went to see my doctor, explained all the problems I've had my whole life and he has referred me to a psychiatrist but his opinion is that I have AS. Since he told me this, I have looked into autism a lot online, lurked on various forums including this one, and the more I read the more I'm convinced that I have AS - it just explains too much.

Anyway, prior to my breakdown I had quit my job and had made arrangements to go and do a Masters degree starting in September. I was already suffering from depression and anxiety which was a big part of why I quit the job, but its only since I properly lost control that I decided to seek help. The doctor says I should defer the Masters, wait for my referral and sort out the myriad of problems that I have in my head before I go. The people who I am closest to and who I have shared this story with think I should go and do the Masters and start the process while I'm there.

I currently live at home with my parents, working part time delivering pizzas and this gives such low self esteem and self loathing its unbelievable. I feel that if I stay here another year, any treatment might be counter productive because ultimately I will spend a lot of time alone in the house not moving forward with my life and hating myself for that. On the other hand, I'm worried that if I leave home to go and do my Masters, I won't be able to cope and am liable to really struggle, potentially lose thousands of £ in the process by failing the degree and end up in a worse place overall. I've coped for 28 years up til now, but I'm worried that now I've started to let it all out I might not be able to turn off the tap so to speak and everything might overwhelm me. I have also today started taking Sertraline, as prescribed by my doctor for the anxiety and depression.

Should I go and do the Masters? I am very up and down at the moment, and have a terrible track record with making big decisions. The people close to me don't fully understand as they are not on the spectrum so I'm looking for some more enlightened opinions. I appreciate everyone here is different and has different experiences with co-morbids, medicines and therapies but any advice would be appreciated.

It's really hard to predict how you are going to cope with all the pressure of study and other things. If you go ahead and do your masters and if your mind keeps getting distracted by negative thoughts/feelings, you surely won't get the best results in your study.

I had that experience. I did my study when my OCD was very bad and although I completed my study, the results were not as good as they could have been because I was mostly fighting my obsessive thoughts while studying.

Since you have just started your medication for your anxiety and depression, I suggest you wait for a while and see how effective it is. If you feel better, then you certainly should do your masters. I'm inclined to think that you should try to go ahead with your masters because studying is in itself something that can have a positive effect on your self-esteem etc. It can make you feel positive and further motivated.

Well, that was my opinion.

Take baby steps. First get your formal diagnosis, then discuss with the college whether they will be able to accommodate any special needs you may have or provide you any assistance or support, as otherwise you may end up dropping out and feeling ashamed of yourself for failing. I tried twice to study for a degree last year, and on both occasions - as I had not been diagnosed and was not in the right place in my head at the time, - I dropped out after just one day.
I've done the pizza delivery thing, it feels at the time like it is soulless, meaningless, and undermines your self esteem, but it provides you structure, helps you function, and challenges you in a way that some other jobs do not. Think about it; you need to take the pizzas, check the map, navigate to each location in the most efficient way, take the money give change, and then go to the next location etc, then back to the store and do it again. It helps you by breaking down the multiple tasks into bite size chunks, which is a good way to learn how to function in the real world. Sure it may not be a career choice, but it keeps you busy, keeps some money coming in, and helps keep a routine in your life, that believe me you would be lost without.

So far as moving out, you need to move out when the circumstances are right, not just because you feel you're old enough. By all means if you have a partner to move out with, or if you can find some friends or like minded housemates or flatmates, but don't beat yourself up over still being at home. At least it's a sense of belonging and stability.
At worst if your family drive you nuts, you can cease or reduce contact with them when you are finally ready to move out, but you don't want to move out just because, and then come back to your parents with your tail between your legs three or six months later (done that more than once - it's worse when you come back than if you'd never left).

So don't be so hard on yourself, expect to take some time to get diagnosed, and to find acceptance in that (I was diagnosed four weeks ago aged 41 - I was the most depressed I'd been in ages for the first couple of weeks, even though I had self diagnosed a couple of years ago).
You can do it, you just need to pace yourself, know what you're dealing with, and break things down into bite sized chunks.
Any other way is a recipe for failure.
BTW - don't be upset if you end up deferring your studies; it's a lot to take in getting diagnosed and trying to find yourself, so your best options may be part time or deferral, certainly don't go being a full time student, at least not in a heavy going course.

I think you should wait too. This is a big step in your life and you want to make sure you are as well as you can be before you start. And I know that you have low self esteem right now but just the fact that you want to pursue a masters is huge and you should feel really proud about that. Remember time is just time, it doesn't mean that you are any better or worse if you do something now or later. It will be just as awesome if you wait a little bit.

I had a big meltdown when I was 31; and when I talked with my doctor, she suspected I had AS and referred me to a psychiatrist who gave the official diagnosis. I was in middle of a semester for an additional degree and had to drop out of school.

I'm taking a couple distance classes this fall and spring and will go back to school in a year to finish my degree. From my personal experience with the combination of school and getting a diagnosis and the subsequent feelings that arise with a new AS diagnosis, time really does help, especially when it's in close proximity to an event that finally made a diagnosis become a priority unlike anytime during the prior 28 years.