Well, that was a waste of time...

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...I went along to a meeting group for disabled people in the nearby city. It takes place in a separate hired room of a pub every week. The pub wasn't an easy set-up to work out as it basically has two bars and a courtyard at the back which is where the meeting takes place.

Anyway, I go in about 7pm-ish and they were having a disco - they have live entertainment there pretty much every week. I knew a few people from another group who sometimes go to it. I went to the bar, ordered a pint of Theakston's Best Bitter (3.8%) and sat down. People were arriving, but I recognised none of them. They mostly seemed to be there with their carers, and indeed the price of entry is minimal, with those assisting the attendees being allowed in for free. Anyway, I looked around for about half an hour and finally plucked up the courage to talk to the women on the door, gave a bit of an introduction of myself and eventually I got talking to the person running it.

We had a fairly lengthy conversation but at the end of it I just had to say that I didn't know anyone here and the place was now full, with no chairs available, and the room was that noisy that it was impossible for me to hear anyone or to make myself understood. I would have loved to have had the opportunity to talk to some of the women there, having got a little bit more comfortable but I felt so left out and essentially so 'at a loss' that I didn't know quite what to do. All the chairs had been taken by that point anyway and it was very busy by that time so it was neither here nor there by that point anyway.

The guy took me out of the room and introduced me to an aged Scottish chap with an impenetrable, C. U. Jimmy-type accent…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N_Cg7bS7XXI[/youtube]
(yes, I know that this isn't exactly a flattering stereotype, and the guy was friendly enough, bless him - but dear God…)

…that made him impossible for me to understand. I did my very best to hold a conversation with him over a pint or two and both the runner of the evening and he chatted for a while (the organiser seemed a bit put out when I said that this environment isn't good for me at all in that I need a quiet pub-type environment where I can have conversations with others in a relaxed atmosphere). Eventually, I left and I was stuck with him. He bought me a pint, so I had to nod and smile and do what people do when they get stuck with train drunks with completely baffling dialects.)

Eventually, I thought I'd have another try at seeing what was happening in the main room but by this time, people were dancing to party/pop tunes - this carried over into the main bar area, thereby helping to impede conversation happening there too. It was quite loud and so many people were either dancing (with strobe lights, the lot) or sat there talking that I just felt horribly left out. It's not really a social venue as such, more a disco night for disabled people. I did notice that most of the people there were on non-alcoholic drinks.

I decided to drink the rest of my pint (the entire event was due to wind down about half an hour after I left anyway - it's really quite short when everything is taken into account - it happens once a week) and head home, quite disappointed. I made the effort and it just seems to be another dead end. There is another discussion/support group I go to, but that only ever happens once every two weeks. I don't think there's that much happening in my city where I can meet people similar to myself either. I know the odd person who lives in Preston who has Asperger's and we do meet up occasionally, but that's about it.

Any thoughts? I defer to the floor.

form your own

Another classic example of NT's running groups for disability people. Sadly because they dont consider that you all have IQ's, this is what your going to get.
In theyre eyes, it was a great success, with ppl drinking and having a laugh.
Kewl huh

This sounds like a typical social night out for people with disabilities, but probably not ideal for someone on the spectrum. That's a shame. Are there no events being run specifically for people with autism? You really need a different sort of set up, like a ten pin bowling night, for example. Is there any way you'd feel comfortable approaching the organisers and suggesting a future event?

The organisers are probably in touch with a lot of groups in order to gain an audience for theirs. Speak to them and see if they can suggest anywhere better for you?

I did actually ask if there were people with Asperger's there or a similar condition that I could actually sit down and speak to, but I was met with a blank, basically.



Yes - that's pretty much what it was. You've got it spot on. It wasn't easy as pretty much everyone else was in the room set out for dancing and seemed to be chatting amongst themselves, with very few openers. There were people that looked interesting at the very beginning, but as I'd just arrived and didn't particularly feel like walking over to people's tables and asking if I could join them (I probably wouldn't be going to a place like that if I was), it was all impossible, especially after the music started up.



I shall just Google that.

What I've tended to find is that there are loads and loads of support groups for parents, carers and families of children with autism but no friendship/support/discussion groups for those of us who are adults, not even perhaps a meet-up in a pub or something like that. It's almost as though our symptoms and our disorder is simply meant to vanish when we reach adulthood! We must not be cute any more or something. There's even one or two in my home village, but adults? Zilch.



I'm actually going ten-pin bowling next week with my support worker. I need to work on how to use public transport, how to work out unfamiliar places, how to deal with people who I don't know who approach me, how to ask for help and things like that.



My dad is after going with me next week as well but to be honest I wasn't best pleased with him last week - i.e. insisting on paying for my bus fare and all the rest for me. He's not really letting me learn and evolve like he should do, and he still treats me like a child. I feel more than dependent enough and childlike already (and I'm coming up for 25) - I'm still a child in a fair number of respects (i.e. I rarely go anywhere, especially outside my small home town, without my parents and so on and so forth), especially when dealing with the outside world - so I don't need more of it from him.



I did briefly ask the women on the door if they had heard of another group that I'm involved with, and they seemed to vaguely know who they were, although not to a great extent. It does seem to be rather closed ended to be honest. The people who run it are a charity that are heavily supported/funded by the county council.

Sounds like it was aimed more at people with cognitive disabilities, but who aren't autistic. Their idea of a good time is similar to NTs, but they need more support to do it. Not necessarily a good fit for an autistic person.

Yes, that's absolutely right - you're spot on with this. The thing is, I'm really at a loss for what to do next.

I've got a booklet that is full of different courses at the local college that I could perhaps go on, though. I'll see if anything interests me when I look through it later.

It's a shame it didn't work out for ya. Kind of reminds me of the time my therapist strongly recommend I join the college's group therapy session because he thought I'd fit in fantastic...only made it a few appointments before I felt even more alienated, realizing that these other people who needed help, were still absolutely nothing like me. Anyway, good for you for giving it a go, took more guts than I posses at the moment, ha.