My daughter wants to see doctor about anxiety

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My 10-year old daughter and I are both undiagnosed Aspies (I have no question that we are, there just has never been reason to get a diagnosis). I got by in childhood partly because I really didn't care what people thought of me, and partly because human behavior is one of my fascinations, and so I learned to "pass" at an early age. My daughter knows that she is different from others, but I haven't given her the word Aspergers yet, because there is nothing wrong with her, and I don't want her looking it up and thinking there is something wrong with her. Instead, I have told her that we are like catpeople living in a dogpeople world, something that she really likes. After all, cats and dogs are different, and there is nothing wrong with either one, but if you were a cat living in a world with few cats and a lot of dogs, you'd have to learn how to get along with the dogs. We have "dogpeople behavior" lessons, like the whole, "Hi, how are you?" "Fine, how are you?" thing is like when dogs meet in the park they have to sniff each other out.

She goes to a wonderful school where things like teasing and bullying are not tolerated. I won't say that things don't happen, but they are almost always caught quickly and nipped in the bud, and if the parents of the offending child don't like it, they can leave, the school has a sizeable waiting list.

She has many of the Aspie traits that lead to an anxious personality. Perfectionism, crowd-induced stress, etc. Her coping skills are tremendous, but she recently told me that she thought her anxiety was interfering with many things that she wanted to do in life. I told her that it was possible, though not certain, that a doctor might be able to help her, and she is eager to try it out.

I haven't taken her to see a psychiatrist before now, first because we didn't really have a need for one, and secondarily because there are a tremendous number of ignoramuses and quacks in the field, and I didn't want her subjected to them. I would want to meet any potential doctors first, aprise them of her Aspergers (as this is something they should know, and heck, if they know anything about Aspergers it will be obvious within the first five minutes of meeting her), and let them know that I am not seeking diagnosis or "treatment" for Aspergers but only for the anxiety.

I'm sitting here trying to think of why I'm posting this, and I guess I just want some reassurance that it at least could go well, and that we get the help that she wants without the doc sticking their nose in too far.

I was diagnosed at 12 through a child and adolecent health centre.

I begged to get help when I developed an obsessive compulsive disorder.

Alot of doctors do treat people like they're freaks... they did to me and it really made me mad.. I'm a high functioning Autistic, and it seems your daughter might be similar.

But I think it is a good idea to get help when it is needed. Help is there for the people who seek it, and in my opinion it's better to go with it than try to fight it.

No, she's had no language delays or deficits, definitely Aspergers.

Thank you for your post though.

Neither have I.

I don't have AS very badly.

High functioning Autistic means someone with AS that leads a pretty much normal life, and may get anxiety, and sometimes be difficult in social situations.

Everything I have read indicates that HFA means verbal difficulties whereas Aspergers does not.

But I'm descending into pendantry here. I'm not really that concerned with the actual label other than that it will help if I use the most correct term with those who don't have enough time to really get to know her.

You might find a psychologist or therapist more helpful than a psychiatrist.

A therapist will work through your daughter's issues with her, and help her to develop coping machanisms. They will be less interested in 'labels,' and work on the individual issues instead.

A psychiatrist would be more inclined to suggest medication to control the anxiety. Now this may be appropriate, but it is also important to focus on the causes of the anxiety and worn on solving them. Otherwise when you stop the medication, you would still have the same problems as before.

I hope you can find someone who will help your daughter.

I think it would be a good idea to seek help for your daughter's anxiety. At any age, an anxiety state is a miserable experience and in my personal opinion it is not necessarily easier to deal with as you get older . Not all doctors are concerned with "labelling" their patients ... and in any case, a lot of doctors seems to have very little knowledge or experience of dealing with Asperger's. (I am British, by the way) This doesnt mean theycan't try to help her particular problem.
But be a bit wary of medication. Some drugs can ease the way the patient feels, and this can be a great help in starting to deal with the underlying causes of anxiety. But drugs are not a "cure' in themselves and I think should never be taken on a long-term basis. They can in fact be habit-forming. But if they are offered, do consider if they could help start the process of dealing with the anxiety.
Your daughter is an intelligent girl. Perhaps hyou could discuss the reasons for anxiety with her, and explain there could be many underlying causes for this....including Aperger's! Explain that some people think it is important to "label" people in this way, and that although this might help them understand what is happening, and they might try to label your daughter too. such labels are really not important. What is more important is that your daughter can look forward to her future life in her own way with happiness and confidence, without the blight of unneccessary anxiety or fear.

Why not reduce the source of anxiety?

I am a mom who is homeschooling to reduce the anxiety issues for my children. They have enough to deal with without being heaped high with unneccesary homework, and being made to go the same pace as the other students. So far, it is working out great.

I think both my aspies and non-aspies are headed for highschool graduation by 10. My oldest is in first grade reading with the younger learning to read by her side, and she is four, her younger sibling will be 3 in a couple weeks and she is kindergarten level for many things, and my son-1.5 years, is already taking an interest in school. My oldest is also started with math and is at a first grade level with that as well.

School isn't hard, or too time consuming. They seem to learn with little effort on my part, much of the time.

Anyway, I just thought you might want to consider environment change.

Take care,

1PM

I second the suggestion of homeschooling!! I am a senior in high school, homeschooled, with AS. Before I was homeschooled I went to three different public schools, and I hated them all. I didn't know I hated it until I was homeschooled, though.

My daughter would object strenuously if I were to take her out of school. She loves school, she loves her friends (and yes, she has real friends, even if she doesn't understand them all the time). She hates summer vacation because there is no school then. Homework at her school is almost entirely optional, there are no report cards, scoring, or forced competition at her school. Instruction is individualized to the student, which is great for her because she is advanced in language, but indifferent to math.

Her anxiety is primarily internally driven. If she tries something (even privately with no one watching), and she doesn't get it perfectly the first time, she is upset, and will eventually approach a panic situation if she tries to force herself to continue doing it. She has worked through some things by building them up slowly, but there are some things that it is very difficult to gain much proficiency in if you're engaging in the activity only once a month or so. Rationally, she understands that no one can do something complex perfectly the first time they try it, but knowing that doesn't stop the feelings. She is anxious about health and safety issues, although this has moderated a lot over the years as she gains knowledge about things that were formerly mysterious. The most telling thing to me is her awareness, arrived by her own conclusion, that the feelings are interfering with things she wants to do and that they are out of proportion. What she wants is, "the volume turned down." I know a lot of the anxiety that aspies have is from dealing with NT's who don't understand them, but I do believe this is more than that.