Divulging diagnosis

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How to know who to tell?

Me, I tell everybody.. for a couple reasons.

1) it's therapeutic for me

2) it may help someone who also feels the same way but feels unable to divulge their feelings

3) if they can't accept that I may have a "problem", then that's THEIR problem, not mine.

I've just started discussing it on my blog, have emailed all my friends and relatives, and have posted to a forum where I'm well known and respected (over 11,000 posts and two Member of the Month awards).

Then, what "works" for me may not work for or feel comfortable to everyone. I like to push the envelope.

Its really a matter of personal preference really.

I take the exact opposite stance of Dave since I tend to tell people only on a "need to know" basis.

Its a complex disorder and few people will really understand it.

Often times it will do more harm than good and cause more problems than it solves especially among those who dont know you well enough to not be freaked out by it.

Generally I say if you feel comfortable telling them and you feel they would get upset at you later for it if you didnt tell them then go for it.

Otherwise its no one elses business but yours.

Agreed.. in fact, I'll say that alot won't even "want" to know..

I'm very cavalier in telling people. I'm proud of it, and since I want to go into neuropsychiatric research, I feel it's my duty to educate people about what it is. I don't go around with a badge on that says, "I'm an Aspie," but when I establish any sort of relationship with somebody, I usually tell them. I don't care what they think of me. People either like me or they don't, so a label to explain why I'm quirky won't change that... Anyway, Fraya is right in that you tell people based on your own personal preference and judgment.
-OddDuckNash99-

Thanks all! Told my older sister last night, she's never heard of it! I want to tell everybody but NT's can be so narrow minded, but I'll just see how it goes.

I think a big part of who to tell depends on your age.

I told my college because doing so allowed me to get accommodations and services. My immediate family also knows, but I didn't really tell them- they told me. I think it was my mom who first suspected AS as a possibility in me and she discussed it with my dad. They eventually told me their suspicions rather than me telling them. I think my mom told my sister after I was diagnosed. Finally, I told my friend after we were becoming close friends and she had told me equally personal/sensitive information. And obviously my therapists know, too.

That said, I intend to tell fewer people as I move into the next phase of my life. Even though I told my college, I definitely don't intend to tell my employer. I'd be afraid that they'd find some way to let me go if they had that information, which I know my college wouldn't do. Colleges tend to be more accepting than employers I think.

In general I would not tell anyone unless I was getting very close to them. I do not tell acquaintances or casual friends or distant family members. If I ever get married, which seems unlikely, I would definitely tell my husband, though.

If you withold information from an employer, ie you AS diagnosis, that causes problems for you while working, they are within their rights to let you go, or refuse to support you if you need time off or a reduction in duties. Also, i doubt a responsible employer would blab it to all and sundry and it is helpful if they understand why you are reacting negativelly rather than assuming you are having some sort of nervous breakdown or you are mentally unstable.

I'm not sure if that applies to all employers, but it does with the nhs, though luckily they have very good healthcare.

The problem with telling a perspective employee about your DX is that there is a lot of misinformation and stereotypes about the DX.They can not hire you and say it is for another reason,so it makes proving discrimination in hiring difficult and expensive to try and prove.

I told my mom and she didnt really want to talk about it...basically said my problem was that I was intelligent but didnt use it....ie....to lazy.My boyfriend doesnt think it is "real".I am just an eccentric artist to him and my only friend seemed pretty indifferent,but lacks curiosity about anything that doesnt involve him,so that didnt surprise me to much.I just think in general,they dont know what to say about it...."ah,congratulation.....thats to bad?"

I have been with my current employee for 4 years and I get descent reviews,except for "being a team player" and "challenging the authority of management"...Sometimes I am tempted to let them know(I got the DX after being hired)but I havnt needed accomidations,so not much point in doing so.

i prefer to tell people, though i don't really have a choice. i act oddly enough anyway that people start to guess, and sometimes they make the most bizarre assumptions.... so i prefer to say so they at least have the right label.

and people come to the most bizarre conclusions, they can be really patronizing and treat me like a kid... the weird thing is they're often genuinely trying to be nice and think they're really helping! but they get it so wrong... the other day i went to a pub for dinner with my support worker, i'd just had a piano lesson so i was a bit 'stimmy' afterward and doing all the usual stereotypical behaviours. i was sitting in my favourite place gazing into the fire from various angles, when a barman comes over, smiles patronizingly at me, says "i'll just turn on the children's tv for you!" ARRGH! i hate the bloody tv! i'm thirty two, an oxford graduate, i never even watched kids tv when i was a kid!! ! i was too busy solving rubiks cubes i hope he doesn't do it again or i might have to find a new favourite spot

Yeah, some can be very patronizing.. others can be rude regarding your disclosure, usually thru ignorance.

I told my brothers and some close friends and got no response whatsoever. They chose to ignore it. They probably "knew" or suspected anyway.

My workplace has always been pretty accomodating about my "quirks".. I think they probably had some idea too.

I did a speech on it for coursework...it wasn't like I had anything to lose.

This being a team player stuff is garbage but unfortunately, much vaunted by employers these days. A real team player would recognise that it takes all kinds of people to make a world and they would be tolerant of personal differences rather than expecting everybody in the team to be just the same.

So these bosses who say you aren't being a "team player" are breaking their own rules but they get to do it because they are the boss. It's very hard to have a lot of respect for people showing such hypocrisy and ignorance too.

I don't have an official diagnosis, but having shown my mom and my boyfriend all the info, they've basically said, Yeah, that's you alright...

So I guess the telling people came before being diagnosed (not sure if I wanna go though that hassle again... already diagnosed w/mild ADHD - hell, maybe it was a misdiagnosis... but either way, what a hassle!)

But the only people I've talked about AS to are my mom and bf of four years.
They're the only people who are close enough to me for it to matter what makes me so different... and the only people I'd want to understand.