People who trump your conversation

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You know when you start a conversation about something you think is interesting and someone else had a better/worse/more interesting thing,in their mind at least. Anyway, what you said gets forgotten and you have to listen to them go on and on. This happened the other day. I sometimes go to a drop in centre for people with mental health issues and was telling two members of staff about something that happened to me and within 30 seconds of me talking one of them had a similar story. So I had to spend the next 10/15 minutes listening to her. I wish I could just have the strength to get up and walk out. I'm fed up with this always happening.

Another member of staff was reading a quiz question about Jupiter's planet Io. She pronounced it 'low'! I had to correct her several times. She also couldn't say Lichtenstein. I corrected her again. It really amazes me that people haven't heard of these places; I knew about them before I was 10.

Sorry for the digression.

My mom does this to me all the time... since I was a child. She is the only person I have ever known who can make a single sentence last for a half hour, tying it all together with a series of "ands", "ors", "buts" and "wells". When I try to say anything, she just gets louder and tries to drown out what I am trying to say. With her it is very effective too because in her younger days she was a music professor specializing in voice and has a voice that can drown out anybody. Interestingly enough, when I was a kid, she used to shout at my sister and I in a stern voice, saying, "don't interrupt me while I am talking". That is exactly what she does.

Don't give up... you will get your two cents worth in eventually if you keep on trying, although with NTs it will never be remembered and will go in one ear and out the other.

I have a word for people that do that - everyone.

Double dittos. Took the words right out of my mouthparts or fingertips perhaps? Those who engage in the verbal art known as talking are usually not too interested about what the co-engager might have to say. The ailment seems to be totally prevalent in some folks. The ceaseless yakkers are looking for an audience..sympathetic ear..cryable shoulder..pat on the back etc. I have three old pals who never shut up and the topic is always them of course.

It happens to me all the time at work. What I have to say will just be brushed aside, why I even bother I don't know.

It's called conversational volley. It's like playing tennis. You cannot control where your opponent or your partner (if you're playing doubles) will hit the ball.

If you're going to talk to people, you kind of have to get used to it and teach yourself not to let it bother you. Frankly, I'm pretty amazed at how many non autistics will stop suddenly and ask, "How did we end up on this topic?" then try to retrace the entire conversational progression from the beginning. So it's not just us that are either bothered or fascinated in how it happens. But it does happen, and that's just human nature. Autistics do it just as much as other people too. I think it just bothers us more. I think larger percentage of us try to "steer" conversations by bring them back to the original point WE wanted to make. That can be done, but if you do it too much, it can turn people off by causing them to feel that all that matters to us is what we want to say, and that we don't really care what anyone else has on their minds.

I think we have the most difficult time following what I've heard is the advice of many Italian mothers:

"God gave you two ears anda one mouth to listen twice asa muchas you speak, so shattupa you face!"

Agreed!

I remember a few years ago at work with two old boys who only talked about...work. One was a playground inspector and the other did a lot of work at the weekends putting football nets ups and refereeing. I stood by them trying to keep track of the flow of their conversation and I swear for a few minutes they were both talking to each other about their respective work interests at the same time! Then all of a sudden it ended in a roar of laughter preceded by some joke that was mingled up in the florid chat somewhere.

I don't get things like that. If I am going to say something interesting people should listen and try to be as keen as I am about it, not try to out do me. Then when I have finished they can have their turn and if it is interesting I will listen. Normally if it isn't my mind wanders. This could be the reason why I don't speak to many people.

Yeah, but the problem is, just because we think it's interesting doesn't mean anybody else does.

We're (aspies) not the only ones with the tendency to think that everything we have to say is fascinating. Not all of us are like that, but I think it's true that a much higher percentage of us are.

The trick is to learn to let it go. To listen more to what other people want to talk about. The more you learn to do that, even with obnoxious people, and display interest in what they have to say, the more you'll encounter other people who will do the same. People who listen a lot tend to find each other in social settings but it takes a lot of practice, and feigning a lot of it at first. Over time, if you do learn to find others who are good listeners themselves, you'll find that it's not as hard to avoid the morons who don't really give a rat's patooty what anyone else has to say.

Sounds like Your Mama was a very smart lady. Seems like I have been told similar things with a Texas accent attached. Somestimes when I get mixed up with the yappers I slam my hand down on the bar and say..shut the hell up..I have something to say. Try that sometime..lol.

Not my Mama.



I haven't got a drop of Italian blood in me.





Think I may have been in that bar.

That's partly why I don't frequent them anymore.

Just say "sorry, I've got to go" and walk off. Be nonspecific. You can interrupt.

Ok gotcha on the generic Eyetalian Mama's..lol. Being a row on fools on a row of stools is a nice habit to give up. My Big Brudder say he aint lost a single fight since he quit drinking.

Reason #1432 why I don't bother trying to talk to people: constantly being told that I should be interested in what they have to say, then being told that they don't have to listen to what I have to say.

I don't think that anyone can tell when I am bored with what they are saying. I think that I start to look interested when I am bored. I stop looking around the room while listening to them and start looking at them instead but without listening to them anymore. So they think that I am interested, so they go on and on and on.

I'm not sure which is worse; getting words trampled on in a group or trying to stay focused on what the only other person in the room is saying when they pause, ramble and give no indication they are finished

Been there. I hate it. Sometimes I don't understand why we're the ones that are considered socially inept...