Have you ever got tired of living?

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Have you come to the point in your lives that your tired of living and just want to fade away?

Yes, when I was 30. I swallowed 48 sleeping pills and washed them down with Michelob. For my efforts I spent two days in an acute hospital getting my stomach pumped then spent two months afterwards in a psych hospital. No, I didn't get a t-shirt. I did write a bunch of fairy tales while interred, though. Life's funny, ain't it?

Not really. I just felt wanting taking long naps if I ever got close to that point.

Yes, sometimes you just want a "break" from life. When that happens, the milder sort when I'm not in crisis, I tend to just ignore the rest of the world and stay in my apartment, often for weeks. Apparently people worry about me when I "disappear" like that, but as far as coping strategies go, seeking solitude and withdrawing from the world is among the least dangerous things a person could do when stressed. If I am in crisis, I know better than to avoid seeking help; at least now, I do. Last time I avoided it for too long I had to be hospitalized, and a hospital is the most boring and expensive place you could stay, with the least possible amount of privacy. I hate hospitals and I'll do what I have to do to stay out of them--even if that means going to my psychiatrist and admitting to having been wondering how to make sure somebody takes care of my cats if I happen to suddenly and mysteriously kick the bucket. I'd much rather have to take a higher dose of pills for a while than have to stare at the stupid white walls and security cameras of a psych ward again.

A lot of times I've wished that the ground would just open up and swallow me. I've done some pretty stupid stuff.

I feel like that pretty much all the time. But I'm never suicidal - I don't literally want to die, I just don't particularly want to be alive. I think I'm also worried that I'd mess up a suicide attempt and end up in psychiatric care. I just kind of get by, with this hope that it will all end but no actual inclination to do anything to end it.

I used to try and make things better so that I wouldn't have this tiredness of life, but years of trying has convinced me that that's impossible. I can't seem to change anything, so I'm stuck feeling like this.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YCa5_CUZgUY[/youtube]

It happens every six months or so that I find the world such a weird, scary, confusing and overwhelming place and I just want to be alone in peace for a long time, to get my thoughts back in order and make the noise stop. It isn't that I want to die at these times, I just want a break from living.

I find it really hard to explain to people that quite often, I wish I could die, but I am not suicidal. I just wish nature would take me. I find this world so hard to live in and with my five disabilities plus depression, I sometimes wonder what is the point. I'm hoping to come out of this awful slump soon though.

Yes.

Eden

Yes, at the moment more so than ever. It's a horrid place to be. x

I came to that point when I was about 10 years old and I've felt that way ever since. Tried to kill myself a couple of times; it didn't work. Now I'm just sort of resigned to it - like being habituated to prison.

A lot worse than that.

Often. Not physically tired, just emotionally tired. More so I get bored of having AS. I find being shy boring, and as much as I love my friends, I sometimes find them quite boring (not in an offensive way, just in a ''familiarity breeds contempt'' way). I just want to meet new people so I can have a wider circle of friends and more choice of people to go about with, but it's hard to just do that when you're as shy as me. I've even joined social groups before with people similar to me, but I still didn't get that friendly with anyone. With me I tend to make friends when I least expect it.

But this is not just common in Aspies or depressed people. I know a middle-aged NT woman who got so bored with her life and her family that she split up from her husband just to go with a millionnaire, and her friends were also richer than her and so they took her out to these posh parties where she met more rich people, and she's gone on from there and has moved on (or, shall we say, has moved up). I do think this is selfish though, being so she did have 2 children and a loving husband who was on low to average but was a descent provider. I mean, we're all bored with our lives (well, most of us) but we don't ditch our families just to gain a high, rich life. I think I'll rather stick with my family and my friends than to go off and get in with rich snobs.

Yes often, but only lately.

I think this best describes me - and Jellybean's post.

I have had suicidal ideation at times, though. Markedly less since I have been diagnosed. I am also afraid of an incomplete suicide resulting in being stuck in extended care needing to be tube fed and even more stuck in my body (I've seen this first hand). At least right now I have some agency and I keep "trying" - am am redefining meaning as "trying" not a goal you actually get to - if that makes sense - you feel it in moments, not as a big thing to hold. That's my theory, I guess.

Last edited by Logicalmom on 17 Nov 2012, 11:01 am, edited 1 time in total.