What do you really think of you?

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I mean really, really deep down. How does your image of yourself differ from others' opinion of you?

Well, Moondust, I'll tell you:

I'm not a mind reader and don't know what others think of me, but when I get glimpses into their thoughts on me, it's amazing how off base they are.

In many regards, I feel like a projection screen, wherein people project onto me what they think I am without every getting to know me or even asking me. They assume. So I feel I'm really a projection screen of sorts, and what they think about me is whatever they want to project, and it's usually negative, or simply off base.

I've had this problem with some people on this forum too, which is disheartening. It seems often when I try to explain my position, people aren't even willing to hear me out and only get offended further and assume the worst about me. Not only in the real world, but also here among alleged spectrumites, which is more disappointing (I hold you people to a higher standard).

I think many see me as a weirdo, an oddball, a creep. I don't believe myself any sort of genius, and am weary of those who believe themselves to be geniuses or trying to appear as such, but I believe I'm much more perceptive than others, probably because others don't really have to question their surroundings, they just fit in. I've had a lifetime of questioning what is, and why it is. And most people don't like those who ask such questions, because they've never had to ask such questions, and it's unnatrual to them. So they see me as unnatrual.

Don't get me wrong, I miss a lot too, especially in regards to short-term or immediate social nuances. But I think I ask a lot of questions most around me wouldn't think to ask, and don't like to hear.

I think some people might see me as difficult, perhaps intentionally so, for not thinking the way they do. My intent is to question, and get others to question, even if they disagree with me. Yet, they see me as a trouble maker or malcontent. Maybe they don't see that I'm operating on a different system than them, so they assume I must be operating within their system, and since I'm at odds with their behavior, they think I'm blatantly defying their system, meaning I'm no good, when in reality they've totally misunderstood me and where I'm coming from.

Most importantly, though, I may come across as an as*hole to many, especially for my unpopular opinions and bluntness; yet, I think I'm actually a lot more tolerant and accepting of others than most people. They get so nasty with me for not following the social script, they call me the horrible person, but having been in this boat, I'm actually more accepting of others, especially those on the outs of this system, then the majority of others who label me the as*hole. Ironic, they call me intolerant for my behavior, yet they're intolerant in their actions.

If you want elaboration or specifics I could go on, but I don't want to write a dissertation here.

...oh, and Moondust, what's your response to your question?

That was a very good synopsis, again with this. I too certainly don't see myself as a genius but I am self aware enough to know others view me as wierd, being a ret*d, etc. I also feel that because I know I don't fit in I do observe other people and their behavior. Deep down, I do think I am a good person. I am honest, empathetic (I know first hand what it feels like to be discriminated against and I make sure I don't treat others as they treat/view me) and I go out of my way to be kind to others.

Deep down, I guess, I look at myself as a loser. I've set out to accomplish a lot but I always fall short of my goal. I see people around me buying houses and raising families which I've never done and probably never will. There are some days, though, when I look out across the world and see innocent people dying in rocket attacks and I think, "Hey, that could be me." In that sense, I'm thankful for where I am. Do I need improvement? Of course. Don't wanna flog a dead horse, though. It is what it is, and I am what I am - just me.

I do not know what others think of me. In adulthood there is a greater degree of social tact. People do not typically voice their assessment of my person out loud, or at least in my hearing.

Trying to answer this question... I don't know what I think of myself, really. there is good and there is bad. this isn't a very good answer, i suspect.

I tend to have a "negative" view of myself, and with good reason I imagine. I'm not presently capable of functioning on my own, I have disturbing thoughts and desires, I'm not a happy person and I'm not unusually engaging in social contexts despite years of practice (I'm competent now but I don't know that I'll ever stand out).

How others view me? I have no idea because I don't find the reports of others credible and I don't get much direct feedback.

I give myself a lot of credit for being kind to other living creatures which I think is the most important thing in life. That seems important to only a small minority of people.

Ditto, except I dragged another person down with me. My wife.

I'm not terribly sure what other people think of me, because I find it very difficult to tell what people are thinking or feeling generally. People at work often say things like 'Oh, you're so funny' and the words 'clumsy' and 'entertaining' are quite common. I think they think I am a nice, slightly odd and clumsy person. Sometimes I feel a little unhappy about being a bit of a laughing stock at work, even though I understand that there is no malice involved at all, but mostly I am happy with this because I prefer them to think that way about me than to know the truth.

I don't think I am actually a very nice person at all, a lot of the time I don't feel like a person at all, more like a 'thing'. I cannot explain it adequately, but everything about me feels wrong, I don't feel as if I make sense as a person. I am frequently very depressed about this, amongst other things, although I make a great effort to hide it. I think people at work would be very surprised to know that I feel this way, that I self harm, that I don't feel like a real person, that I don't understand their motivations at all etc.

I am content with things the way are. I wouldn't want, or expect to have people know me. I think my boyfriend knows me quite well and I had a friend once who seemed to understand, but he is dead now. That is enough, I think.

I have always had a very negative self-image. I think it probably stems from years of bullying and failing to live up to my own expectations (as my mom puts it, "being too hard on [myself]").

I think I'm a loser because I live with my parents, don't have a job, am dependent on psychiatric medication, fat, have poor hygiene, unattractive (not just my low self-esteem talking either - the only time anyone calls me pretty is when they're pitying me), in a negative mood (sad/worrying/irritable) most of the time despite having a good life, complain a lot, an impulsive and compulsive spender, have homicidal and suicidal urges (though in recent years it has been more homicidal rather than suicidal), selfish, childish, have moments where I lash out/am rude to others, and a sexual deviant.

Basically I could spend all day/night writing about all the ways I am a horrible person, but everyone says I'm just too hard on myself. In the eyes (and words) of my friends and family, I am unique, cute, innocent, childlike, gentle, patient, intelligent and sweet. I feel like they don't understand what an awful person I'm capable of being on the inside. As the saying goes, a "wolf in sheep's clothing" (meaning someone who appears good on the outside but is bad on the inside). I feel like I'm teetering on the edge of insanity and one day, something is going to push me over that edge and I'll "snap" and do something terrible. People laugh and never believe me when I tell them that I feel like doing bad things, but their disbelief only makes it worse because it makes me want to prove them wrong.

I think that pretty much sums up what I think about myself, wouldn't you say?

I actually have no idea what other people think of me.

Thank you, redrobin. In these difficult times here it's nice to hear a good word.

I think I'm kinder and wiser than most, and that makes me a rare, very valuable person. I think I'm very bad at the things that really matter to people in someone (appearances, mostly), so all the good in me goes to waste in their assessment of me. I often blame myself for social mistakes and think I'm a loser, but then when I look at the full picture, I know it's impossible to live 100% of the time with your NT-guard on.

1, I have no idea what people might think about me (unless they'd tell me, but even then I'm not really interested in their p.o.,v.,) and 2, why the heck would I care? Who is actually bored and pathetic enough to think about other people? I'm talking about normal people, not social workers.

Well, there goes my self-worth again.

I dunno what other people think of me. I dunno what I think of me.