Empathy? Overly sad for silly reasons

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As Christmas rolls around, I'm reminded of an incident from when I was a kid...

I was probably 12 years old and all I wanted for Christmas was a hockey net. Christmas comes, and my parents got me a net that I didn't like (stupid reason - my friend's net was loose so it held the puck in when you scored; this one had a tight net because it was brand new...). I cried my eyes out for HOURS. I wasn't sad because I didn't get what I wanted, but because I thought my parents must be disappointed that they failed to make me happy. I just kept picturing them getting their hopes up, thinking about how happy they were going to make me on Christmas morning, only to find out that they got the wrong thing. That seems like a pretty complex emotion for a little kid to have!

Has anyone else had a similar experience? I can't tell if someone is upset until I see tears running down their face (and even then I might not be sure), but I seem to be hyper-empathic when someone experiences something I know would make me upset.

I especially get really upset when I see someone get scammed or buy something stupid after not doing enough research. Any time I buy something, even if it's for something that costs $10, I do hours and hours of research, read every review, watch every youtube video, etc, and I know how I feel if I buy something that doesn't live up to my expectations. Even if the person who made a bad purchase doesn't really care, I know they wasted their money, and I still feel bad.

Yes, it's really weird...

I'm undiagnosed but pretty sure I have it. Anyways... they say that people with AS have trouble putting themselves in other peoples shoes, but I think we can do that just fine, we just can't imagine being them in their shoes, just us. So I'll think of how I'd react if I was in their place but I can never think of how they'd react to a certain situation... Had a couple of problems with this lately were it was really noticeable. NTs will be all "But what would you do if you were them?" I'd reply with my answer (putting ME in their situation). "No, but imagine you're them." they'll say. And I'll reply: "I can't... I'm not them... I don't understand why they wouldn't do what I just said."

Or what I'll get a lot, this a bit unrelated, is in social situations when I know they're doing something that's considered socially unacceptable (because people have told me, this is a no no) I'll cringe like crazy... I'll feel anxiety for them.

I get upset about them being scammed too, and I also do those hours and hours of research just to buy something like a pen. Often this becomes a special interest (like with fountain pens).

the OP demonstrated at least some third-order TOM.

I think that's exactly the problem... One instance where this is really apparent for me is whenever somebody I know has a friend/family member die. I have, I guess, a pretty cold view on death. I feel like we're all going to die and it's inevitable, so why get too bent out of shape when someone dies? Better to celebrate the life of the person than feel sad about it. The person who died doesn't exist anymore so their death doesn't bother them - you're just feeling sorry for yourself, which seems selfish and pointless. I've lost all my grandparents and an uncle without shedding a tear, and I cried for maybe 5 minutes after my dad basically died in my arms and that was more because I felt bad for Mom.

So when someone I know has a death in the family, I have a hard time comforting them because my attitude is basically, "You knew this would happen eventually and should have dealt with the possibility of the person dying or dying early. Everybody dies. Why is this such a big deal?" I don't react to how the person is feeling, I react to how I would feel in that situation.




Most times I buy something it turns into an interest... Juicers, wood stoves for backpacking, minimalist running shoes, rice cookers, keyboards and mice, etc

I am the same EXACT way. When I was younger and now. Those are actually pretty much the only reasons I feel upset for someone else. One example that is close to your's is about 2 christmas's ago my mom got my brother and me a iPod cover and she didn't know there were different generations of iPods, the cover didn't fit on either of ours. I felt physically sick and kept trying super hard to get it to fit (it's rubbery, so I can bend it). I still think about it and want to keep trying and won't get rid of the cover.

These type of things make me feel very strongly, I just can't show it so no one knows I feel that way.

Yes! I have that, sometimes. Sometimes I imagine (for no reason at all) how I emotionally hurt someone by rejecting them or being mean to them, and then I feel really depressed when I imagine how bad they must feel.

I get this way sometimes, tonight for instance. I had left for my dad's for Thanksgiving a few days ago, and when I did apparently my (relatively new) stepdad left an amusing note for me on the kitchen counter. I was in a hurry when I left and didn't get it. I got back and he commented on the fact that I never responded to it, and I felt terrible. I told him I didn't get it, but it felt like a bad excuse even to me. I feel like he's trying to go out of his way to do nice stuff for me, but I keep missing it, and I can't help but feel like he thinks I'm being a jerk and pushing him away because he's not my "real father". In situations like that I try hard to find a way to make up for the pain I caused someone, but it never feels like enough, and it's very distressing.

i'm well aware of the manifold ways in which i have failed people in the past. all i can do about it is try harder to not repeat my mistakes.