Explaining things

Post Reply New Topic

Again and again, I explain things. People just don't get it. However, they say they get it. Then they act in accordance with what was discussed but lapse into old ways. I then start explaining again. They get it ... and so it goes on. Its like being a hamster in a wheel. The only variance is when they don't get it. in such cases, I get quite argumentative. The fact that I have to explain repeatedly is because if their changed approach simply lapses, well then they couldn't have understood properly.

Then I get told to keep it short and sweet. This is likely to make me very angry. My lengthy explanations wear people down and make them irritated with me. When I ask them why they don't respond to reason and change certain specifics that I have explained to them and they agree with, the people concerned give me that blank look that tells me absolutely nothing.

This is driving me to fury, rage and drink. It happens with my wife and kids and with people in the workplace. it is a major issue whenever I explore new subject matter, move into a new workplace etc. My deep need to explain things is linked closely to my intense inquisitiveness and desire for information and details. This is where the raw material comes from that I utilise when I start explaining things.

I feel the only way is to tell people I am aspie (or is it HFA these days?). The trouble is that I then have to explain what that means which sets off another cycle of explanations and so on. There does not appear to be a way out of this. Telling people about my aspergers does not necessarily solve this issue. I am also not formally diagnosed with aspergers so I am a little reticent. Self-diagnosis usually results in people telling me I am wrong then I have to explain how much research I have done and the very obvious traits that I have. Of course (being the way I am), I have done extensive research on autism in my spare time.

Out of all of this, one thing I am now determined to do is make that appointment and get a formal diagnosis. There will be a finality that comes with formal diagnosis that wil eliminate one more thing that I have to explain or justify.

I usually get told I explain too much or treat people like they are stupid on my way to detail everything. I know I lack concision most of the time, or become TOO concise in others so I seem to give people too much or not enough. So when it comes to AS i do not bother anymore.

I was explaining something to the preacher at the local church about a month ago. In the middle of the explanation, he interrupted me by asking if I had ever seen The Big Bang Theory.

A formal diagnosis definitely is the way to go. Without it, even if you are difinitely sure of it, they will still dismiss it because people usuallly cannot comprehend/appreciate how much effort you put in something (in this case your extensive research into autism). When you say you are perfectionist, some people respond by saying everyone is a perfectionist, dismissing your claim that you do things extra carefully and perfectly, as if you were the same as others. It's very frustrating.

However, I would rather not tell anyone about autism even if I get a formal diagnosis. It's too personal. Only to my family.

Many people don't get it when you try to explain something in detail, because they are not really detail-oriented and don't value the details and they don't have the patience. So often it's a futile effort.

I have a habit of adding footnotes to everything I say- my main thesis will be propped up by phrases such as "most likely", "from what I've heard", "I'm no expert", "now, before I tell you this, let me first explain to you"... Yeah, I get where you're coming from. It's one of the reasons I never would have made the best tutor- I'm not usually direct and to the point, which are the qualities you most need when you are desperately confused about variables and you have a test in an hour.

I frequently have frustrations with people that they can't understand what I am saying. I wouldn't mind, but I don't have a speech defect and have been tested as superior in vocabulary so it's not as if there is any apparent reason why I should be misunderstood. Sometimes it's about perspectives, but even if I am explaining a clear instruction and it's painfully obvious, if someone doesn't understand what I am saying it could make me scream. I cannot understand how other peoples' brains work. Even when it's not a difficult or complicated subject and I know I am explaining logically and clearly, people still can be like this.

My son asked me why the game Half Life was named that. I told him I thought the idea was that the lives of humans after the arrival of the alien baddies was only a fragment of itself... The alien animated people with head crabs were sort of half alive and it was a general reference to radioisotopes... And I was in the middle of talking about isotopes, radiation, mass loss and decay, when he said, very gently, "OK, dad, it's enough."
And I felt I absolutely HAD to finish the idea I was in the middle of... Or I would burst. It had to come out. My son just waited for me to finish and my wife laughed at me, in an affectionate way.

I enjoy explaining things I am or have been obsessed with. I want to share the information so badly that it doesn't really matter if my audience is less than enthusiastic. I am keenly aware of the need to back off and keep that under control in order not to alienate people.

I speak much too little to explain things, but it is nice to have people give very clear explanations and instructions.