Page 1 of 2 [ 20 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2  Next

Jamesy
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Oct 2008
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 8,407
Location: Near London United Kingdom

26 Nov 2012, 7:44 pm

I talked too my mum in the summer about moving out and being independent and her response "well that's not a good idea because you behave/do things differently"

Do u think that's a very selfish thing of her too say or not? I am 23 by the way.

I asked my mum a few months ago why some parents will not let there AS offspring be independant. Her response "because they might get bullied or they are a danger too themselves"



ColdEyesWarmHeart
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

User avatar

Joined: 28 Oct 2012
Age: 43
Gender: Female
Posts: 477
Location: 51° North

26 Nov 2012, 8:03 pm

Hello near-neighbour! :)

Years of housesharing has taught me that everyone behaves and does things differently!

Could you ask your mum if she has any specific worries about what you will struggle with, if she has any advice for you on how to overcome it? Do you have the kind of relationship where you could call her for advice if you need it?

Can you talk with her about your plans to move out? Would you want to live on your own, move in with friends or move into a random houseshare? Moving in with friends you already have is probably the easiest, living alone can be very isolating if you don't know many people, and I've only ever had good experiences in houseshares but have heard some terrible tales.



Jamesy
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Oct 2008
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 8,407
Location: Near London United Kingdom

26 Nov 2012, 8:18 pm

My folks did buy me an apartment but other people are living in it at the moment



CuriousKitten
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

User avatar

Joined: 19 Mar 2012
Age: 65
Gender: Female
Posts: 487
Location: Deep South USA

26 Nov 2012, 8:41 pm

Jamesy wrote:
My folks did buy me an apartment but other people are living in it at the moment


Buy as in a condo? Perhaps the longer it is rented out, the more money you will have to make you secure in the long run?

As for being independent, the best way to put your folk's minds at ease would be to show them you are up to it, by making certain you shoulder your fair share of the household tasks, and do as much for yourself as possible. If you don't already know how to cook for yourself, have your mom teach you. Look at anything else you might encounter, and have a game plan for that as well. The more they see you stand on your own two feet, and be a responsible housemate to them, the more comfortable they will be with letting you fly the nest.


_________________
If it don't come easy . . . .
. . . .hack it until it works right :-)

Aspie score: 142/200 NT score: 64/200
AQ Score: 42
BAP: 109 aloof, 94 rigid and 85 pragmatic


Jamesy
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Oct 2008
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 8,407
Location: Near London United Kingdom

26 Nov 2012, 9:02 pm

CuriousKitten wrote:
Jamesy wrote:
My folks did buy me an apartment but other people are living in it at the moment


Buy as in a condo? Perhaps the longer it is rented out, the more money you will have to make you secure in the long run?

As for being independent, the best way to put your folk's minds at ease would be to show them you are up to it, by making certain you shoulder your fair share of the household tasks, and do as much for yourself as possible. If you don't already know how to cook for yourself, have your mom teach you. Look at anything else you might encounter, and have a game plan for that as well. The more they see you stand on your own two feet, and be a responsible housemate to them, the more comfortable they will be with letting you fly the nest.





Hold on a sec I am 23 years old. By law my parents have no right too stop me leaving home. Given how old I am should'nt it be up too me if I fly the nest or am I missing something here?



CuriousKitten
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

User avatar

Joined: 19 Mar 2012
Age: 65
Gender: Female
Posts: 487
Location: Deep South USA

26 Nov 2012, 9:12 pm

Jamesy wrote:
CuriousKitten wrote:
Jamesy wrote:
My folks did buy me an apartment but other people are living in it at the moment


Buy as in a condo? Perhaps the longer it is rented out, the more money you will have to make you secure in the long run?

As for being independent, the best way to put your folk's minds at ease would be to show them you are up to it, by making certain you shoulder your fair share of the household tasks, and do as much for yourself as possible. If you don't already know how to cook for yourself, have your mom teach you. Look at anything else you might encounter, and have a game plan for that as well. The more they see you stand on your own two feet, and be a responsible housemate to them, the more comfortable they will be with letting you fly the nest.





Hold on a sec I am 23 years old. By law my parents have no right too stop me leaving home. Given how old I am should'nt it be up too me if I fly the nest or am I missing something here?


They may not be legally able to stop you, but it sounds like they are worried. I merely suggested ways to help make them be more assured that you will do well living on your own.


_________________
If it don't come easy . . . .
. . . .hack it until it works right :-)

Aspie score: 142/200 NT score: 64/200
AQ Score: 42
BAP: 109 aloof, 94 rigid and 85 pragmatic


EstherJ
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Apr 2012
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,041
Location: The long-lost library at Alexandria

26 Nov 2012, 9:20 pm

It sounds like a letting go issue.

If they're afraid of bullying, well, everyone gets bullied for some reason or another. Staying in the nest doesn't exempt you.

They might be legitimately worried. They probably are. My own opinion is that everyone deserves a chance at independence if they can take it (and certainly AS doesn't exclude you). You might try telling them that you want to be independent but that there are very many ways to provide helpful support rather than being at home.

Of course, if you aren't able to physically take care of yourself, that's a different issue. Emotions and mental states are more subjective.



Jamesy
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Oct 2008
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 8,407
Location: Near London United Kingdom

26 Nov 2012, 9:29 pm

EstherJ wrote:
It sounds like a letting go issue.

If they're afraid of bullying, well, everyone gets bullied for some reason or another. Staying in the nest doesn't exempt you.

They might be legitimately worried. They probably are. My own opinion is that everyone deserves a chance at independence if they can take it (and certainly AS doesn't exclude you). You might try telling them that you want to be independent but that there are very many ways to provide helpful support rather than being at home.

Of course, if you aren't able to physically take care of yourself, that's a different issue. Emotions and mental states are more subjective.




I do have big problems with my emotions such as anxiety, anger and meltdowns etc... It does seem like alot of little things are big things too me.



CuriousKitten
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

User avatar

Joined: 19 Mar 2012
Age: 65
Gender: Female
Posts: 487
Location: Deep South USA

26 Nov 2012, 10:39 pm

Jamesy wrote:
EstherJ wrote:
It sounds like a letting go issue.

If they're afraid of bullying, well, everyone gets bullied for some reason or another. Staying in the nest doesn't exempt you.

They might be legitimately worried. They probably are. My own opinion is that everyone deserves a chance at independence if they can take it (and certainly AS doesn't exclude you). You might try telling them that you want to be independent but that there are very many ways to provide helpful support rather than being at home.

Of course, if you aren't able to physically take care of yourself, that's a different issue. Emotions and mental states are more subjective.




I do have big problems with my emotions such as anxiety, anger and meltdowns etc... It does seem like alot of little things are big things too me.


for someone on the spectrum, 23 is still quite young. for many there is a definite delay in maturity, that I doubt can be completely overcome by training or will. I didn't start to find my feet until my mid-30's. From what I've read, this doesn't seem to be abnormally late.

Be glad you have parents who are willing to be supportive instead of pushing you out ready or not. Believe me! supportive parents can be a MAJOR asset!


_________________
If it don't come easy . . . .
. . . .hack it until it works right :-)

Aspie score: 142/200 NT score: 64/200
AQ Score: 42
BAP: 109 aloof, 94 rigid and 85 pragmatic


wtfid2
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 9 Aug 2012
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,712
Location: usa

26 Nov 2012, 10:59 pm

if you can't spell ''to'' correctly you should not be living on your own.


_________________
AQ 25

Your Aspie score: 101 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 111 of 200
You seem to have both Aspie and neurotypical traits


CuriousKitten
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

User avatar

Joined: 19 Mar 2012
Age: 65
Gender: Female
Posts: 487
Location: Deep South USA

26 Nov 2012, 11:18 pm

wtfid2 wrote:
if you can't spell ''to'' correctly you should not be living on your own.


If that were a valid criteria, there would be a need for many group homes for NTs.


_________________
If it don't come easy . . . .
. . . .hack it until it works right :-)

Aspie score: 142/200 NT score: 64/200
AQ Score: 42
BAP: 109 aloof, 94 rigid and 85 pragmatic


Ann2011
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Jul 2011
Age: 54
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,843
Location: Ontario, Canada

27 Nov 2012, 12:15 am

I lived on my own for a while and now I'm back with my Mom. I never managed to do very well on my own. My Mom is 70 and I'm 43; we look out for each other. A lot of things are too big for me too. But I would try again, if and when the situation presents itself.
Not sure what to advise, except to take your parent's concerns with an open mind and try to come to a compromise with them.


_________________
People are strange, when you're a stranger
Faces look ugly when you're alone.
Morrison/Krieger


Jamesy
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Oct 2008
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 8,407
Location: Near London United Kingdom

27 Nov 2012, 5:57 am

So I will be put in a home cause I can't spell very well



Who_Am_I
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Aug 2005
Age: 40
Gender: Female
Posts: 12,632
Location: Australia

27 Nov 2012, 6:35 am

wtfid2 wrote:
if you can't spell ''to'' correctly you should not be living on your own.


What about people who don't capitalise the first letters of their sentences?


_________________
Music Theory 101: Cadences.
Authentic cadence: V-I
Plagal cadence: IV-I
Deceptive cadence: V- ANYTHING BUT I ! !! !
Beethoven cadence: V-I-V-I-V-V-V-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I
-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I! I! I! I I I


hanyo
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 30 Sep 2011
Age: 49
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,302

27 Nov 2012, 6:57 am

I don't understand why they would buy you an apartment but not let you live in it.

Do they expect to support you forever? What do they expect you to do when they are gone?

Maybe they just think you aren't quite ready to live on your own yet but will be eventually?



IrishTusk
Sea Gull
Sea Gull

User avatar

Joined: 3 Sep 2009
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 239
Location: Leven, Fife

27 Nov 2012, 6:58 am

Who_Am_I wrote:
wtfid2 wrote:
if you can't spell ''to'' correctly you should not be living on your own.


What about people who don't capitalise the first letters of their sentences?


Run cold water over burned area.


_________________
Your Aspie score: 56 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 144 of 200
You are very likely neurotypical